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So sick of this. I feel really bad guys. Anyone free to talk?


Guest Saz

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What the hell is happening? Seemed to be doing a lot better and now back to square one!

I feel sick and worried again. Bare with me if this sounds confusing....basically a picture entered my mind (non ocd related) and I couldn't think we're this picture was from (this picture was of people on an aeroplane. Anyway after a few hours I remembered I seen this picture/image on a particular website. Now my mind is telling me I knew the aeroplane image was 'real' real as in I had seen it, it wasn't a random thought therefore my 'false memory' is real because I have this feeling that it happened I just need it confirmed. Due to the nature of the thought I want to throw up, I'm actually really panicking here. I know this sounds strange but I'm right about things most of the time, like gut instinct.

I know most of you will be thinking this was more than 2 years ago and nothings came of it but look at the news, look at things that come out years later. Please if anyone can rationalise with me x

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You're just connecting in your head two things that aren't connected. Real simple. Of course not every thought you get is going to be false. In fact the vast majority of thoughts you get are not going to be false. So what? That doesn't make your not-very-good memory from two years ago any more real than it ever was.

Don't go slipping back to square one again. This is OCD. Treat it as OCD. Get back on the recovery bus and do what you know you need to do.

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Thanks polar. Which bit is ocd though? Just this today? Or the whole thing? I've gone back to questioning it again now. I do seem to have connected the 2 don't I x

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Guest Paul92

Saz, for the help and persistence you have shown me, any time you would like to talk, you can to me. I'd love to be able to offer you some comfort if I can.

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Thank you both. I feel dreadful im utterly convinced its all true again but I know I wouldn't do this thing so I'm back to being convinced I was spiked and it made me act crazy but now Iit's vall too late and ill get thrown in prison and ruin so many lives!!!

I'll try and drop it polar its too difficult just now though. I'm off to the gym so ill see if that helps x

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Good - go down the gym Saz.

You got spooked again. But you need to get indifferent to this, not let it drop you back down all the snakes, get confused again, start asking questions.

It's all OCD as Polarbear says. Let it go, don't try and work out what can't be - do what you have been advised to do.

Happy exercising.

Roy

Edited by taurean
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Hi there Saz, I've been reading your progress and I was really pleased to see how far you've come. Of course you're going to get spooked from time to time, you just need to ride it out and plough on. Remember you're hyper-sensitive to all sorts of triggers right now and you will be for a while. A couple of years ago when I was in the throws of my being murdered by a psychopath obsession I swear I saw this guy (the person I was convinced was going to murder me) 4 times a day, for months, even though I'd never noticed him until the day my obsession started. Since I cracked the obsession I've never seen him again, even though he lives down the road. I'm sure I see him all the time still, I just don't notice him because I'm not subconsciously looking any more. Anyway my point is that your brain is scanning for things that reinforce your obsession, but it won't always, so don't let these spikes set you back. You have made huge steps opening up to your therapist, keep going!

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Thanks Roy and Franklin.

Roy I had a good work out but can I heck lose this last stone! Hoping I sleep better for it.

Franklin that makes sense. Can I just apologise to you. My message folder was full and I had to delete some messages. I really didn't want to delete any but I deleted ours. Hope you understand.

I'll try pick myself up again. I'm with my therapist tomorrow so that should give me a boost. x

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Therapist session went well. They don't seem to last too long but I guess the time we do have is nice..or positive I should say, that is probably a better word.

Ok sooo I wonder why she doesn't think I've commited a crime? I mean I've gone in there, told her all this horrid stuff, she doesn't know me yet she assures me it's intrusive thoughts. I am aware I'm ruminating over analysing but still....I don't get it :(

Also I'm sure I'm a bit psychic. ..please don't laugh..I have thought this for a while and it's making me think that these horrible thoughts are going to come true. I'll be proved wrong etc etc. I knew I'd end up with this partner even though we only met on holiday 11 years ago then pretty much went our separate ways and didn't keep in touch. I have this overwhelming feeling ill have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls...now to the horrible stuff I keep seeing or feeling that my kids will be took away! IIt's so distressing. I keep thinking police will knock on my door. I am usually right with gut feelings. ..I don't know what's up with me :(

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I can't say why she doesn't think you've committed a crime. I don't know the details of what you think you might have done. That said, you had other OCD traits/themes before and everything you have said on the forum lends credence to the belief you are dealing with OCD now.

As for the psychic comment, I'll believe that when you can pick the winning lotto numbers ten times in a row.

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Guest Gloria123

Hi Saz,

I´m struggling with my false memory scenario today and the last few days...I feel horrible, too and have the feeling of being convinced that I did it, even have thoughts like "I have to show a normal behaviour so that nobody knows what I´ve done" (I have thoughts like as if I really had done this)...:(

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Therapist session went well. They don't seem to last too long but I guess the time we do have is nice..or positive I should say, that is probably a better word.

Ok sooo I wonder why she doesn't think I've commited a crime? I mean I've gone in there, told her all this horrid stuff, she doesn't know me yet she assures me it's intrusive thoughts. I am aware I'm ruminating over analysing but still....I don't get it :(

Also I'm sure I'm a bit psychic. ..please don't laugh..I have thought this for a while and it's making me think that these horrible thoughts are going to come true. I'll be proved wrong etc etc. I knew I'd end up with this partner even though we only met on holiday 11 years ago then pretty much went our separate ways and didn't keep in touch. I have this overwhelming feeling ill have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls...now to the horrible stuff I keep seeing or feeling that my kids will be took away! IIt's so distressing. I keep thinking police will knock on my door. I am usually right with gut feelings. ..I don't know what's up with me :(

I am as you know with the therapist, who sees OCD at play here as we all do.

As for gut feelings etc. I am with PolarBear. You are the second person to come up with this flavour of OCD today. Didn't I tell you long long ago to be ready for whatever new guise it shows up in to try and keep you hooked? Well here is another method.

Expecting the police to call etc. is classic OCD .

All OCD Saz.

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It's something utterly unthinkable. ..by not being able to say fully should give you some indication. I'm worried I was spiked and it made me do something unspeakable, the worst thing. Anyway I hate even saying about it as it raises my anxiety. X

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I am hopefully making the whole thing up but when the nature of the thought is so bad it makes it extremely difficult to let go, especially when images are so vivid. It is the worst thing polar, npt just to me but society x

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We've been down this road before. You suffer from OCD. All points to this being OCD. Accept it as OCD and treat it as OCD. If you haven't figured out if you did it or not by now you won't, so stop trying to figure it out.

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I know polar and I get what your saying but if you could see where I'm coming from with this...

I know what you mean when you say I haven't figured it out so never will but that doesn't mean it's definitely a false memory/intrusive thought then..I mean I hope it is but I can't deal with it. So I have only developed the ocd part after?

Sorry I'm letting everyone including myslef down here x

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Guest Orwell1984

Hi Saz, there is no answer. I feel I have had déjà vu before also or had premonition thoughts. The thing is not to focus on them. Analysing will not give you the answer either way. Analysing will only bring dread and mental torture to you. There is no answer, don't look for one! The looking is a compulsion.

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Saz,

You are still trying to allow for it being true with you obsessing afterwards.But for us it is all OCD and the event most probably did not occur.

I am pretty sure you told me what it was - like Bear I can't remember because to me it was no big a deal whereas to you it's blown up into catastrophe status.

Each time you get triggered there is a danger of that exaggeration kicking in.

That is why we say to you stop trying to punish yourself in case it's true. This is a common trait in false memory OCD.

We all and your therapist think that in all probability it isn't true. You have to buy into that probability and then get indifferent.

Indifference works - I have been using it and it is so helpful.

Another recoveree zorro told us that until he gave up on OCD's demand for certainty he stayed stuck at the bottom of the pit. Once he realised he had to stand up to that demand for certainty his recovery commenced.

Remember what Caramoole always says to a postee - when are you going to make the behavioural changes that will commence your recovery? Only you can make them.

Re images, remember they are likely to be false, as I warned you many weeks ago - it's another way OCD uses - another guise - to trap people into thinking its lies are true.

Edited by taurean
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Guest Orwell1984

You're not letting yourself down. Recently I've been bothered whether I have narcissistic personality disorder. Such ideas seem to be backed up with evidence. I went and analysed it. We all have setbacks. Forgive yourself :)

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Thank guys. This is torture though. I can't deal with the images being 'likely' to be false, if they aren't then I'm done for. I can't bring myself to write again what it is. I shouldn't be walking round. Yep I'm back to square one! Fantastic!

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Thank guys. This is torture though. I can't deal with the images being 'likely' to be false, if they aren't then I'm done for. I can't bring myself to write again what it is. I shouldn't be walking round. Yep I'm back to square one! Fantastic!

You can deal with it being most likely false Saz, because there is no way of obtaining 100% certainty.

We are back to that again and around we go again until such time as you can see like GBG Ollie (I think it was) and zorro and no doubt others, that until you accept some small degree of uncertainty then staying stuck remains the status quo.

I was hoping that if you heard it face to face from the therapist that would help to convince you.

I am sure you told me what this thought was, and I would have taken the rational response that to me its all OCD, as it ticks all the boxes for being so. But I can't give you certainty, we have never even met - but the therapist has met you and she says its OCD, doesn't she?

One of the favoured tools of our patron Paul Salkovskis is the behavioural experiment, designed to show sufferers how there problem is in all probability OCD.

My therapist turned this into a courtroom , where I prepared the case for and against my intrusive thoughts being OCD.

So they are working in a similar direction, as you may recall I helped you look at all the reasons suggesting it is OCD.

I have come across other false memory scenarios recently, slightly different to what yours is but with all the same elements.

I am also working with mackem1 who has problems with certainty with which I am seeking to help him.

The demand for certainty that OCD puts into our mind is therefore not restricted to your flavour of OCD gravy - it is commonplace and when that card is being played by OCD it has to be trumped by the sufferer themselves.

I am thinking of you, and I am also helping my sister at the moment who has suffered a major OCD relapse.

Roy xxx

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