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Just been to GP, first time, after 3 years ...


Guest Paul92

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Guest Paul92

So today I took the plunge: I went to my GP about the state of my head.

It's been a difficult three years. At the moment, I feel like this is my darkest hour. My life is just absolute hell. I can't eat or sleep or anything.

It good too bad today. I was at work, and my stomach was doing somersaults. I phoned my GP, I told my boss I was ill and I went on my way.

I struggled to even tell her what was wrong with me. I didn't tell her exactly what was bothering me at the moment, I didn't have the guts. I told her about how I constantly look for things to worry about, then fixate on things ... things that often after a while seem meaningless. How I used to have to confess everything to my girlfriend. We only had 10 minutes, so I couldn't tell her every aspect. At once point, I couldn't get it out quick enough.

She said it seems like I am carrying out aspects of obsessional compulsive behavior. But she said my compulsions seemed inward rather than outward. But she said she couldn't determine whether it was strictly OCD or anxiety issues, without further investigation at least.

She gave me a number to ring a mental health access team that are based locally. I told her that my fear there was having letters coming to my house due to the lack of privacy I have at home. She said I could tell them to just ring me, that it would be fine, and if they did send anything to my house, to let her know. She made me promise that I would phone them.

So I did. I went outside, sat in the car and phoned them. Had a chat with a guy who, after answering a few questions about what I'm going through, said they would be in touch. He said they would ring me rather than send any letters ... I still have a nagging feeling a letter will drop through the letterbox, though.

How do I feel now? Well, in honesty, much the same. I feel a little calmer, I think that is just because I worked myself up into a state before I went into the GP's surgery, and my body probably has nothing left to give, for a while at least. When I think of my actions a few days ago, my stomach still lurches, and I still feel completely helpless. I'm dreading the next few hours, because the topic of food will no doubt arise in my house, and I'm really not hungry.

But yeah, I just thought I would share that I actually visited my GP. After just over 3 years. Not sure what will come of this ... the guy on the phone promised I will feel better, he really did. But I'm not so sure.

Hope you're all well, and my greatest apologies for the 90,000 word thesis.

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Well done, Paul. You've taken the first step to recovery. I am sure they will be able to support you - either with meds, therapy or both.

The first step is a big one - so well done you!!

Good luck and I hope you hear something soon.

Take care

whitebeam

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Guest Paul92

I still feel terrible. I truly do. Still feel like I've ruined my life. My doctor seemed to think I hadn't.

The nausea is still there. I can't go on trying to hide it much longer ... Every time I think of what I did my stomach turns and the anxiety kicks in massive. I think of work tomorrow and I feel panic. Really don't know what to do

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