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Guest jrb5094

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Guest jrb5094

Hello all,

My name is Jared and I currently suffer from OCD. I haven't seen a professional about it, but doing some research has led me to believe that is without a doubt, OCD. I've had anxiety my whole life, but for most of my life it wasn't very debilitating. Regular social anxiety, some weird thoughts here and there but I was able to "switch the gears" as they say and move on. Anxiety runs in my family, so it's no surprise that it plagues me from time to time.

I'm going to try and give you a picture of how anxiety has plagued me the past 10 years ( I'll try and remain brief lol), and why I think it's happened and also what works for me to calm it down. Tips and feedback are obviously very much appreciated.

I think I can trace my OCD back to a very specific time in my life. I was 18 and a senior in high school, I was dating a pretty girl that I was very much into. After being intimate for maybe 6 months, I kind of got bored of sex. This obviously created a rift in our relationship and of course it started to mess me up. My sex life wasn't the same for a long time because well, if your reading this you know why, I DOUBTED myself. Why can't I have sex? WHAT IF I'm gay?

And the disorder of doubting began. For awhillie it was very debilitating. I wasn't sure what the hell was goin on, I'd see girls and be turned on but wasn't sure I liked dudes or not. It drove me crazy. I still got with girls but there were a lot of times that I just couldn't because the anxiety did not let me be in the moment. So this drove me mad for like a year or so, but then it kind of just laid dormant for awhile. It would prop up every now and again and I would be like yeah whatever that's just my anxiety. Sometimes it would bother me more than others.

Fast forward 8 years and I had a bit of a breakthrough. One day after having the thoughts prop up, I was like ok I'm sick of this. I'm going to do some research and see what this is all about. I came to find that other people suffer from the same thing and it can be referred to as sexual OCD. So after reading a bunch of stuff on it, to paraphrase it said that you just have to accept uncertainty. One day it just changed, I remember thinking I don't care anymore. I like girls but even if I did like guys too, then so be it. It's not like I'm a homephob or something. And that was kind of it, it just doesn't have power over me anymore. I fought fire with fire or something. I have a girlfriend and I know I like chicks, but if I see a guy I can be like yeah that's a good looking guy. So what.

But then my OCD found another way to **** me off. It's a fear of contamination. It's all weird, bathroom related ****. (No pun intended). I'll go to the bathroom and think to myself, What if I got some poop on my shirt somehow? The ultimate doubting disorder.

I don't really have many compulsions besides double checking and sometimes excessive hand washing, but it sure is debilitating at times. That feeling of just not being able to reassure yourself that something didn't happen. Sometimes it almost feels like your floating, and out of the present. It makes it hard to focus, that's for damn sure. It can vary from mild to sometimes severe. I'm currently using this 4 step self treatment that I find to be pretty effective:

Step 1: Relabel

Step 2: Reattribute
Step 3: Refocus
Step 4: Revalue

I relabel the thought as an obsessive thought. I reattribute having the thought due to my OCD and I try to move on to something else. (obviously way easier said then done). I think the revalue part basically says to stop taking the thoughts at face value. As I sit here typing this, I feel good. But as

you guys know, when OCD attacks come, they come hard. I also find that exercise is HUGE in helping control my OCD. Writing is also great as it makes you the observer to the OCD. I really like keeping a diary. This has only been an issue for about 6 months, I think I might have the ability to knock the OCD out or at least keep it at bay ( I know it's kind of chronic) but if it keeps up I'll probably see a professional about it. I'm not too proud to see someone and I'm not ashamed of this.

If you made it through this post, I appreciate your time. It's comforting knowing that I'm not alone in this internal fight. We all have to press on and hope for a better tomorrow. Cheers.

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Hey Jared, welcome! It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on OCD and how its treated. Since you're using the Four Steps it means you've probably read Brain Lock which is the book I always recommend!

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