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Guest usernamesg28

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Guest usernamesg28

Hi everyone,

i feel a bit silly joining this site as i havent actually been diagnosed with OCD because i havent been to the doctors to discuss it…so a little bit of a background (which is actually scary to think i'm going to start writing what i do down!)

My mum suffered with OCD when i was a teenager, she seeked advice from a healthcare professional and she saw a psychologist...her thing was cleanliness, and a little bit of safety which they worked out that came from a old memory of betrayl from her dad from her younger years.

So i spent quite a bit of time with my parents as a teenager, this was during the stage that Mum started to think this way, so I became her back up…but dealt with it in what now seems the incorrect way, I’d encourage her, I was young so I didn’t know what to do, so when she went over a bump in the road and asked me if she’d just run someone over, instead of saying, no mum that’s silly, I said no mum you didn’t, but for piece of mind…lets go back and check…birthplace of the thoughts I have today? Maybe!

So my checks aren’t really to do with contamination or bad sexual thoughts like some write on here, mine’s more safety and harmful thoughts, this weekend was the worst for me which is why I’ve decided to start looking into help, but I have had these checking things for longer than I can remember now.

This weekend my husband stayed away, leaving me in the house by myself for 3 nights, which I did not sleep a single wink of on any of them because I was petrified that someone was going to break in (we’ve moved into this house within the last 2 months from a secure entry flat before that). Now I know people get scared and that’s normal, but not being able to close your eyes because you think that the moment that you do will be the moment you’ve let your guard down and that’s the moment that your attacker will choose to get you, and then playing out the situations of how you’ll deal with it…what will I throw, will I throw anything, or will I try to shut the door, but then what if my Chihuahua runs out there and they hurt him instead so i just sat up all night watching disney movies to try and distract me from the thoughts...but then what if by the TV being on i cant hear them and then they catch me unawares

So that was this weekend, my other checks are daily, making sure that the back door and front door and windows are locked, but by me checking it, have I now unlocked it…best go check…I’ve even taken pictures and videos of myself doing this to prevent myself going back…but sometimes still not good enough so I still have to go back and make myself late for work

Then there’s my now un-straightened hair, I cant do my hair of a morning because I think that I will leave my straighteners on, and then they will burn the whole row of houses down and it’ll be my fault because I wanted straight hair that day.

I struggle with the thoughts of my husband and my dog dying…like I think I’m going to go home every day to a dead dog, or if my husband goes somewhere for work that he wont make it, then what will I do, how will I cope without him.

I also don’t like odd numbers, when i say i dont like them ,i mean i cant deal with it, it makes me feel a panic in my chest and i just have to change it...if the volume on the tele is on an odd number or if there's an odd number of items like, I’ve recently broken a few glasses in my new kitchen which has left me with 3 glasses and I’ve also lost 3 spoons…leaving me with crying at the thought of having just 3 spoons, people just say why don’t you just buy 1 or 3 more but I cant because then they wont match and everything has to match even down to colour and brand when buying shampoos and deodorants etc…

So I feel stupid, I feel like these are all normal things, and when I try to discuss them with anyone other than my mum they just say o yeh I do that…or well just don’t think about it….i think about everything excessively, if I don’t know something I will literally pull the situation apart and wont stop until I then know that thing,

I have an excessive need to be right all the time and for everything to be perfect, my work says that I’m too competitive and I also take the blame for everything…I will always find a way of transferring things so that its my fault and then get defensive and sometimes nasty because I feel I’ve wronged someone.

I’m a incredibly proud person and I pride myself in being strong, my family have been through a lot and I myself have been through a lot of emotional situations, and I’m always deemed to be the strong one…probably why yesterday was the first day I opened up to anyone about it, a little bit to my husband followed by a conversation with my mum…the only one I feel understands…..so that’s it…i dont know if i have ocd, whether its mild or moderate or whether i am just like everyone says just doing normal things that evryone else is doing too...

thank you for reading x

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Guest Sisyphus

Hi U,

Welcome to the forum.

That's a really good introduction there.

I don't think anyone here is a trained psychologist so you really need to go get a professional diagnosis.

That said an awful lot of what you've mentioned there sounds like hefty OCD to me. I've heard about OCD sufferers filming themsemlves checking stuff or unplugging stuff before - in fact I'm pretty sure one of the girls on that "Extreme OCD Camp" that was on TV last year did that.

I think there is still some debate about whthere OCD is genetic, a learned behaviour or develops for other reasons, butcertainly sounds plausible you maye have learned some of it off your mum, or part inherited, part learned, - who knows.

I have had very similar security worries/paranoia since exposure to a load of crime years ago. I think, as with so many obsessions, it's partly a rational response, but the OCD mind cannot let it go and just keeps taking it to the next level until we're up all night watching Disney movies even though there's no-one breaking in ;)

And the odd numbers/symmetry thing - I'm sure you've done your own research and know by now that this is textbook OCD behaviour.

I have a bit of a thing about pride, needing to know I'm right in certain situations, and not taking blame for something I haven't done. I dunno if that's even OCD to be honest with you. I hope so!

So yeah I'd say there's a hell of a good chance you have OCD but and it's a big but, unfortunately my opinion is worthless - you do need to go and get a professional diagnosis.

All the best,

David.

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It's true that a lot of people are a bit fussy about a few things or have a set way of doing things. That does NOT mean that they have OCD. What you've described sounds way more than 'normal'. When it's taking up your time, causing distress or interfering with your life then it's probably OCD.

I agree with David. Can you go and talk to your doctor? Tell her what's going on in your mind and suggest the possibility of it being OCD. Normally CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is offered for this. Or you could try using a self help book to get it under control.

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Guest usernamesg28

thanks for replying, I was going to call the doctors yesterday but its knowing what to say without sounding like you're an attention seeker! they have an automated service so maybe i'll use that to book it...

i tried to read a couple of books but they say to put yourself in to situations that make you feel uncomfortable and stuff, but the things i worry about you cant do that, like they say that if your thing is contamination then touch a bin and rub it on yourself...but i cant leave my straighteners on or a door unlocked because thats not safe....

i think i suppose i just wanted some reassurance that i am showing signs of it enough to be able to describe it and them not just brush it over....

did you both see a doctor for yours?

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Guest Sisyphus

thanks for replying, I was going to call the doctors yesterday but its knowing what to say without sounding like you're an attention seeker! they have an automated service so maybe i'll use that to book it...

i tried to read a couple of books but they say to put yourself in to situations that make you feel uncomfortable and stuff, but the things i worry about you cant do that, like they say that if your thing is contamination then touch a bin and rub it on yourself...but i cant leave my straighteners on or a door unlocked because thats not safe....

i think i suppose i just wanted some reassurance that i am showing signs of it enough to be able to describe it and them not just brush it over....

did you both see a doctor for yours?

I think these are common worries with this thing.

yes I saw a doctor for mine. Booked an appointment with the GP, explained to him I strongly believed I had OCD and wanted to see someone who could properly diagnose it. He then booked me an appointment with the CPN(like a middleman between the GP's surgery and therapy options) who will ask you a bit about your OCD and for some examples. This can be challenging if you're not used to talking about it, but it's just a stepping stone to getting help, so you do it. Then, if the CPN agrees you have OCD, they will refer you for some kind of treatment, either group sessions, or one-to-one, maybe with a course of medication. , but they can't make you take medication - that has to be your choice. To be honest if you tell them about the checking, symmetry, checking things are on and off, I think that'll be enough to tick their boxes, but I can't give you any guarantees on that score. Someone told me they have a weighting system so e.g. mild, intermediate, severe - so if they deem you mild you might get sent for group therapy, otherwise one to one, and if severe, maybe more sessions. But I don't have anything to back that up. It's just something that came up when talking to a therapy veteran.

In all that, the challenge is discussing your obsessions and compulsions openly, the rest is fine. You just have to realise that this is an investment in getting better, and the guys you're talking to have seen so much of this stuff, they don't really care what your obsessions/compulsions are even though they seem so weird or shameful to you. They just want to get you through the system.

I know what you mean about not everything being suitbable for ERP. I have the same problem with certain things. Now while leaving doors unlocked all night or leaving hair tongues on when you leave the house may not be suitable as exposures, what I suspect they will do is ask you not to check that the door's locked or that the tongues are off after the initial actrion of locking them/turning off. And if this is difficult, then they'll ask you to delay checking 5 minutes to begin with. It will all sounds horrendous at this point, but believe me it';s easier once they've explained a bit about OCD and why these approaches are necessary.

I think you are showing enough sings for them not to brush it under the table. Have you done one of those OCD checklists? That may help you identify further OCD related behaviour. Then you could write it all down in a list and take it to the GP/CPN and reel it off for them. That helped me - otherwise the pressure to remember would've freaked me out completely.

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Yeah, as David said, there are things you can do to challenge your OCD. You could have a go at tackling the odd number problem and you don't have to leave a window open - just try not to repeatedly check it. Start with something that causes you the least stress. Challenging it will always cause some anxiety unfortunately or it wouldn't be a problem, but start with small steps.

Yes I told my doctor after letting it ruin my life for 23 years. I'd advise anyone to get help as soon as possible.

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Guest davidwillsdon

Hello. My name is David and my ocd is about getting things accurate to people. I keep thinking ive lied to people and then I think its imperitive to my salvation that I must get back to them or otherwise something bad will happen to me in the afterlife. I then end up pestering people through my ocd. What do you think?

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