Do I have OCD

[Guest hedonwarrior]

Hi,

I'm Dean, 33 years of age, married with one beautiful daughter, for a living I work in IT. I hear a lot of people these days referring to their OCD suffering when in fact they have not been to a doctor, it's just they like a tidy desk and I've been wondering whether or not these people know what they are saying. It also got me asking questions about myself as I obsess with tidiness and cleanliness to the point where It is affecting relationships and to a certain degree my marriage. My wife is very supportive but has in the past threatened to leave. I don't really control my disorder but hide it well, instead of obsessing when she is around I will leave work early or start late so I can tidy and clean the house, or I get up in the night to do it.

The problem is I'm getting worse and I nee to know if i'm just a tidy freak or I do suffer with OCD.

Apart from cleaning I do obsess about were things like this; I will be walking down the street and see a bit of litter, I will look at it and it will register I choose to leave it as it is dirty but then in my brain something tells me that if I don't go and pick it up that I or a family member will die either with a terminal illness or suddenly in a crash. Obviously rather than tempt fate I head back and pick up the litter. The same thing happens in a lot of scenarios.

I do get exhausted with it and often leads me feeling really low which is a lot worse after drink. I probably do a load of other things and don't realise, the usual checking I've locked something repeatedly often ends up with me returning home to check again.

I've realised that my childhood wasn't normal and both parents are OCD sufferers and bi-polar runs in the family but I want to break the cycle, I don't want my daughter growing up seeing her dad hovering at midnight and polishing.

Thanks for listening

[PolarBear]

Welcome Dean.

The belief that all people with OCD are anal retentive neat freaks is a tired stereotype and simply not true. Some people with OCD are clean fanatics and very meticulous. Others are downright dirty people. Then there's meticulous cleaners who don't have OCD... That's just the way they are.

As for your situation, what you've described so far is OCD. Understand I am not a mental health professional.

OCD is intrusive, unwanted thoughts or urges that cause distress and compulsions, which are behaviours, acts, rituals, that are performed to alleviate the distress.

Thinking you must pick up trash or something bad will happen is a magical thinking obsession, while actually picking up the trash is a compulsion.

Cleaning the house is normal. Waking up in the middle of the night to clean the house is not normal.

To check if your cleaning is OCD related, try telling yourself you won't clean for four days. That's it, no cleaning for four days. What would happen? Would your anxiety level go through the roof? Would you be compelled to clean anyway?

The other concern here is that your, what appears to be, ritualistic cleaning is affecting your life. You've got problems with your wife. You are adjusting your work hours so you can clean. You are disrupting your sleep so you can clean. Those are red flags that you need help.

Edited August 12, 2014 by PolarBear

[Guest hedonwarrior]

Thanks for taking time to reply, it has taken a lot for me to do this.

I have started avoiding social events, and when my wife goes out with her friends I know that I will get a night to myself to clean. It feels like an uphill battle though, I clean somewhere and my wife walks in the house with her shoes on which turns into an argument, but shouldn't she be allowed to wear her shoes inside if they are clean. That brings me onto her family, they live round the corner and are so untidy, they polish and hoover once a month, the bathroom I try to avoid. But when we're out or on holiday they offer to come round and check the house which then runs my day or holiday knowing they will be in the house making a mess.

On the very rare occasion I have thrown caution to the wind I have enjoyed my day and left the cleaning but when I've returned home it hits me, all it takes is one plate to be on the side or a cup that has been left in the living room and it's Like the weight on my shoulders suddenly returns.

We go on holiday in 2 weeks and my wife's parents boiler has broken, well in fact it broke months ago but now they have said they will come round for a bath while we are away, panic set in straight away and I instantly thought of Way's to prevent this and as sad as this sounds I was going to power off my boiler meaning it would take ages to reheat the water and by then they would just go back home. If I told my wife my intentions she would call me weird and inconsiderate but the thought of them using our bath, spilling wanter on the floor and leaving hair in the tub makes me feel sick.

It's hard to explain to people really.

I have made a slight change to my life in recent days in that I have re-joined the gym so I will see how that goes. If I go to the doctor what really can they do?, I don't want any form of medication.

Thanks

[dksea]

Hi Dean, sorry to hear you are struggling. I agree with PolarBear that what you are describing definitely sounds like OCD. While I too am not a doctor, the details you give paint a pretty clear picture, one I've seen in OCD literature and from other sufferers on these forums. Only a medical professional can officially diagnose you with OCD of course, and I really encourage you to talk to one about what you are going through because help is available and it can make such a difference.

While it's true that medication is one way to help treat OCD, the primary treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. There's great information about treatments on the OCD-UK site including CBT so I won't go I. To great detail here, but essentially it involves understanding how OCD works, how it affects us, and learning how to train our brains to respond properly, to avoid giving in to compulsions and feeding the obsessions. Many sufferers use CBT alone to combat OCD very effectively. Some of us do use medication alongside CBT to get the results we need, but that decision will always be up to you.

[Guest hedonwarrior]

Thanks again for the replies, it helps a little just talking about it.

[PolarBear]

Heron, usually a gp is the first stop. You have to start somewhere and no, you don't have to take meds. You can get a referral to a mental health professional who can assess you and come up with a plan to help you.

[Guest Saved by zero]

Everyone who likes to keep things tidy or in a certain order thinks they have OCD.

It really bothers me when people are always saying "I'm so OCD" because they like their desk organized at work.

They only see the outwardly physical side of OCD, the physical compulsions.

They have no idea about the horrible mental side of OCD.

And how it controls your life.

I'm not a doctor either but your case sounds very much like OCD.

How long have you felt this way?

Go to see your doctor and tell them about your obsessions and compulsions.

Don't suffer with it in silence for 18 years like I did before asking for help.

You don't need to take medication if you don't want to.

I have been on medication since being diagnosed (20 years ago) and for me it has been about the only thing that has kept me going.

For me meds don't eliminate the OCD altogether, but they do make life livable.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Saved by zero