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life's not worth living for me anymore


Guest stuckinmyhead

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Things have got really bad for me and I feel like IV completely lost my identity I don't know who I am anymore iv lost my bubbly personality, I don't enjoy anything anymore or look forward too events. I hardly go out I don't know what is happened to me. Yet I still cannot say I suffer from ocd. Currently I cannot get over a holiday romance I had 3 years ago. Everything about it I question. He was younger then me and there was a language barrier between us. During sex he would never touch me, no foreplay, he never moaned or said anything during. Never did I notice him climax, he would just have sex then stop. What if he didn't want sex? Couldn't communicate it too me? Vulnerable? Im completely beside myself. One night I got on top of him to spice it up. He lay with his eyes shut throughout and didn't touch me, just had his arms by his side. Did I do wrong? Was he not enjoying it? Have I done something illegal?

I long to be able to wake up and smile, Have some sort of life because im just an existence.

Does this obsession even sound like ocd has got it under its spell. Please reply. Stuck x

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest PalaeontologyLover

I hope you're okay, you need to seek help. It wasn't too long ago I felt like life wasn't worth living but it totally is! I was referred to a local crisis team after I attempted to throw myself under a car. I'm not 100% but definitely feeling better than I was, which makes me feel like I will beat this. If you seek help it will get better. If you are feeling suicidal, as the title suggested, contact your local crisis team or ring 111 and they will direct you to the right people. Hope you feel better xxx

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Guest Elle103

I'm sorry i don't agree this doesn't sound like OCD it sounds like a bad sexual experience that has scarred you.

I have OCD i have also had some really awful sexual experiences they are not the same thing

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Yes, it sounds like you have an obsession over this incident. Your main compulsion is going over this incident in your head, over and over.

Compulsions do no good. What they do is reinforce the obsession, making it seem like something it is not. Every time you go over that situation in your head you are inadvertently making sure the obsession comes back, and stronger.

Refuse to get sucked into thinking about it. Let it go. Tell yourself you will not ruminate over that past, minor situation and see what you can do to keep yourself busy doing other, productive things.

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Guest Elle103

So my pervious response not so helpful, maybe you have OCD - if this is a regular pattern then yes maybe

lets hope this helps

your ok, what you had really bad sex with someone you liked

he did not return the favour

hes a bloody idiot, he got to have an enjoyable time with you and your now on a forum for OCD talking about it

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Guest PalaeontologyLover

I definitely would say I find it difficult not to ruminate over even the most casual of relationships, I think my ocd does make it harder to "let go" of people I've been romantically involved with.

Ocd can manifest in many forms and just cos it's not what you obsess with doesn't mean it's not someone else's primary obsession.

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Hi Stuck :)........ Come on now, step out of your head for a minute and tell me what you know about OCD. Forgetting you, what sort of thoughts and doubts have you learned that an OCD sufferer can have?

We've got quite a few folks on here who are frightened they have sexually abused their infant children......Have they? Will they? Are they dangerous people?

We've got others, many others who might stab someone. Will they? Is it likely?

Are they insane and dangerous individuals? Should I alert the authorities about them? Am I wrong for not reporting them?

What should I do about these people making potentially dangerous confessions about the risks they pose or the things they've done?

Caramoole :(

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Thank you for all your responses. Unfortunately im still no wiser on my situation. I understand that this may well be my ocd to an extent as majority of my ocd is of the pure o type. But this still doesn't change that he lay with his eyes closed not touching me then turned over after I got off him. He then got up and left. How can I move on? IV met a lovely guy I cant even enjoy that intact nothing in life. All I wish is that ID never set eyes on that person then I wouldn't be having to try and cope just day to day with this. I know deep down I must stop the ruminating but how? When its over something that has happened and I feel like what if he didn't want it. What should I do??????!!?????????:( :( :(

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Guest Orwell1984

You will never be able to determine what was going through his mind. As there is no answer, please stop trying to find one! Treat it in an OCD therapeutic way and it won't bother you after a time. That;s the only way out of this predicament

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Your mind is making a mountain out of a molehill. Your mind is catastrophizing what happened. It was a minor situation that your mind has blown completely out of proportion.

You need to take heed those words and make them part of your script moving forward. This isn't about what happened; it's about your reaction to what happened. Your reaction is way over the top in comparison to what went on.

"It's not worth it." Tell yourself that. What happened is simply not worth your time, energy and mind power. Every time you start to think about that past situation, take a stand that you will not go over it in your mind. Refocus onto something else and keep moving.

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Thank you too you all for your advice. Things got so bad my friend practically marched me into the doctors surgery. Ive been referred by the GP back to therapy. Although the GP didn't ask me any specifics about my ocd or depression but could clearly see I as really distressed. Ive been signed off work now for 2 weeks which can be dangerous for me in terms of too much time to sleep and ruminate. I just don't know what to do about the situation. Theres all these contradicting images in my head of what happened. I cant tell which are real and which aren't or whether I infact cant remember the details and im just creating it all because I don't know. Every time I seem to have one detail straight in my head another question arises. Im obsessing between two images one where after I got off him when we were having sex and he just had his eyes closed not touching me or making any noise (he didn't make noise or really touch me during sex but this was the first time I had been on top of him) he turned over away from me or where he was facing me. Did he turn over away because he didn't want to be there? Is that why he didn't do anything when I was on top? This is all ruining my life I cant eat or sleep I cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know how im eve going to get past this. Can ocd do this too you? Catertrophise a real event? Make you Hinkle you did something terrible? I feel such guilt daily. Am I being irrational? Please help me

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Guest Orwell1984

Stuck, with your mind working overtime it is going to be impossible to ever get the definitive answer. Do yourself a favour and allow yourself to heal. The only way to heal is by refocusing and not picking apart the images in your head. For anything to progress you need to heal. From a non OCD addled mind, you will be able to gain perspective on the past. At the moment accept you will not know what you want to know presently and shift your focus to anything but analysis of those images.

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You have to stop going over the situation in your head. It won't do any good. You're stuck right now and you can't get unstuck by doing the same things you're doing now. It doesn't matter whether this or whether that. Refuse to get drawn into an argument inside your head and leave the matter alone.

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Polar and Orwell thank you, I do understand what you are saying. This approach as much as I didn't believe it at the time, worked when I had obsessions that I'd cheated. Difference is those obsessions manifested themselves from almost nothing. Hoe can this approach workwith a real life event. Its real it happened....

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Guest dange777

I think it does sound like OCD, but regardless of whatever diagnosis the therapist comes up with, I think having these thought has definitely lead to you developing depresssion, which is making the situation worse. Depression is a downward spiral, which is going to make these obsessions worse. Are you on any medication for depression? If not I would suggest talking to your GP, or if that is not for you, try mindfulness meditation, which can help take you away from things. Maybe only 20 minutes or so at a time, but its a help. Take care x

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Dange777 IV already had cbt for ocd but I think because of the nature of the obsessions IV had in many different areas depression has always followed I worry that some of you don't thinks this is ocd :‘(((((((

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