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Struggling with verbal abusive


Guest Pigeon89

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Guest Pigeon89

Hi I'm back after long absence my daughter is now 25 acknowledges some aspects of her OCD but still saying she can do it alone. She writes lots down still & does try but this weekend has been horrendous I've been doing this for 13 years & tried to help her in any way.

Her put downs & verbal abusive are severe & I know it's only words later she often says sorry, but it is getting to me lowering my mood vrry much & I see no end to her life being messed up or me being on call.

A boyfriend of 2 years left as she was doing same to him, another hit her & left & I think that was down to the OCD. No excuses but it is so hard to help them.

She isn't coping I'm very worried as she moved out from home locally 2 years ago but continued to ring me constantly daily or visit to gain reassurances I refused to give, but tried to help her work through thoughts. When not coping she gets very abusive verbally she used to be physically aggressive, with moving out & having her own space & my refusing to accept that from her, backing off so it didn't come to that we got over that one. She struggles with me & family in her home & can get very unpleasant due to this verbally, telling us where to sit not sit what to do, around friends she tries to control it so they don't see.

She has many thought worries pure OCD & obsessions with contamination still, fresh air now, all windows wide open frantic cleaning sprees even when really cold & lots of worry thoughts of what if, about her work. She does fight it, writes lots down, but it overwelms her all the time & we never have quality time with her inside or outdoors, as her worry turns to abuse constantly acusing me of having no faith in her, always thinking I'm having a go when just making comments or conversation, very cruel harsh words always directed at me in private & In public. To others she smiles sweetly & chats like nothing is wrong covering up any unpleasantness such as when a waitress approaches the table. I fear saying anything even in replies as it never right.

Does anyone know whether it is best to ignore all the verbal abuse, walk away each time, though it is constant when with her, or to challenge it as not right to do this to someone? please.

She has now moved cities & is further from me & I'm very worried as she has had me close by for all this time to vent her anxiety on. I know she will ring. The stress & worries of moving & new job have made it unbearable for us both this weekend & I just want it to end. I need to know how to deal with her anger & outbursts which way is best am I allowing her OCD to win by walking away from the abuse or am I helping her vent the anxiety?

Please does anyone have any experience of this?

Usually very good at coping but it is waring me down. My mother died recently so that has not helped either as death a big part of thought worries too. when in a coping mode she is lovely I know she doesn't mean the awful stuff she says but it is so hard to be around her, we have no proper life together. Thanks for any insight into this one really could use some just now.

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Hi and welcome back

Its so sad your daughter thinks she can deal with her OCD by herself, as we know that just doesnt work and obviously isnt working for her. Has she ever had treatment?

We love them so much dont we, its so hard just to leave them to it. My son is now 29 and like you Ive have been trying to cope for many years. I know its easy for me to say, but its your daughter who is allowing the OCD to win, not you and I would walk away from the abuse, telling her that you will talk to her, but not whilst she is being rude to you. She may be very anxious, but on the other hand, she isnt prepared to get some treatment and is really having it all her own way. Why should you be the one person she is venting her anxiety on, by abusing you?

Its tough, but may be in the long-term you would be helping her, by not letting her take it out on you.

Im very sorry to hear about your Mother, it must be a difficult time.

Carol

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