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Read another thread and it's 'triggered' me....Help....


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Just read over another thread and through no fault of anybody's I feel dreadful :(

Just for the record I can see this other person has done nothing wrong (incase they read this) but it's confusing me about my 'false memory'.

Everyone is telling them that the incident itself isn't ocd but the obsessing about it afterwards is. This is exactly what I think about my situation but add to that I don't even believe mine to be a false memory...so I believe I've committed a crime when intoxicated/spiked, have no clear memory but images/scenarios and an extreme feeling of realness, guilt and fear, what am I supposed to do? We hAve the facts of the other person's dilemma and can all see its ocd and can advise accordingly bit what about my situation? I don have any solid facts, should I not be handing myself in or trying to spk to the person concerned? This is absolutely killing me and ruining my life. I can't just leave it alone when it's so serious. Is it just because I'm on an ocd website that you all think it's false memory ocd? What if I've led you up the garden path? I came on here 3 years ago because I was so scared and confused but that doesn't mean it's false memory does it and if it doesn't what shall I do. I'm not a bad person, I'd never knowingly hurt anybody or do anything inappropriate please belive me. But you a have to know the image/senario is vile. Help :( x

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Saz the only way you will ever get close to finding out is if paradoxically, you stop searching. The realisation will happen maybe ages after you stop doing this, but the more you poke at the issue, the less likely you will ever get to finding out and the more your brain will compound the problem. You need to leave it alone and trust that in the future you will realise the truth.

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Orwell my stomach is in knots. This is so difficult to move past. I know I am a good person but don't good people do bad things? Or what if I am actually bad...sorry I don't mean to annoy people. I just feel like a total lying fraud and it's no wonder I can't move on :( x

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I know people are probably thinking something would have been said at the time if you done something wrong but what if the person at the time didn't realise it to be wrong (even though in my disgusting repulsive image I'm being pushed away) What if it's only years later they realise it's very wrong? :( And why on earth would my image/scenario be so detailed? X

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I haven't followed your other thread, but have you at any time explained exactly what your false memory entailed? Have you discussed it with a therapist or anyone?

I do agree with Orwell, and found with mine I just had to let it go (the best I could). Yes, the awful intrusive thoughts kept on for some time, but I stopped trying to prove my innocence and eventually it did fade.

I would certainly not discuss any or this with the person you are having the false memory over.

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Thanks tricia...I have not gone into loads of detail but to be honest I just want to throw up thinking about it. It's me causing harm/being inappropriate towards someone...similar to binxy I think (hope he won't mind me saying). Can't do this x

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Hi Saz- I'm only back online now- just keep busy. Your mind is trying to drag you into panic world. If you analyse, the panic is going to last longer. You are a good person. I know you don't believe that, you need to say 'so what' to the massive clanging doubts. This episode won't last forever. Show it what you've got, take a leap of faith and treat it as OCD for now even if you're doubting it and yourself. Ride this storm out. Rooting for you xxx

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Saz, you have spent three years complaining about your state of mind on here while continuing to do compulsions. Three years of compulsions has not worked for you. You are no further ahead than you were back then. You have been counselled repeatedly on what to do to move forward. Now you've been triggered and suddenly you're questioning every facet of your so called memory. You're back at square one again and you're no doubt actively engaging in compulsions again. The advice to you now is the same advice as you have received for years. We're not going to try and answer your questions because our answers won't satisfy you. It's reassurance seeking and it doesn't work.

You have to take a leap of faith that this is all OCD and treat it as OCD. Stop trying to work it all out in your head. Leave it alone. Occupy your mind on other activities. Work very hard to stop the ruminating.

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Saz, I was frequently sick with my intrusive thoughts, so I understand. I didn't have a forum to write on and knew no one with OCD at the time, but I'm sure if this site had been around I would have written what you have on this thread, that I may be fooling others that it's OCD.

I'm sure you know that a false memory can be as strong and convincing as a real one, and the more we try to recall details the worse this all becomes. The only way is to stop trying to look for a way to prove to ourselves that what we fear didn't happen. I do know it's impossible to eradicate the awful details from our minds, but we just have to somehow ride the pain and keep busy. I am just so grateful that the intrusive thoughts from my past eventually let up. I'm hoping the same will happen with you.

I still recall the hell (which led to several suicide attempts) and I appreciate there are few things in this life that can compare with the pain. I hope never to endure the like again! Maybe, just maybe, that's why I accept the extreme contamination fears I have now, because I find them easier to bear. xx

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Hi tricia.

Thank you for your reply. I just can't understand how I could be fine and happy one day and not the next, it seems irresponsible to blame it on ocd/false memory just because I can't fully remember. If a normal person (which I thought I was) has these images I'm sure they would act the same and make sure they didn't do anything wrong. This is a major first for me. The only thing I can think is that I'm a fraud and in denial.

P.s. sorry you suffered so badly tricia x

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You told us a while ago that you have exhibited other OCD symptoms in the past, that this false memory situation is not the only obsession you have had.

You keep coming up with reasons why this can't be OCD. You're not accepting the advice on this forum. You continue on with the way you've dealt with this in the past. You will remain stuck.

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Yeah but I was 'normal' up until that point so I can't have just developed ocd

Can't you? Can't I? Are you saying that all people are born with OCD and have it their entire life and that all the rest of us are frauds? I "developed" mine age 21....and you're telling me I can't have just developed it at that age.....so what am I? A fraud, a bad person, a manipulative con artist, an attention seeker, liar? I was "normal" up to that point

I'm glad you're not my Barrister examining the evidence :(

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Morning Saz. I know exactly how you feel- I'm doing a lot better with my false memory worries these days, I just leave them alone as best as I can as Ginger taught me. It's so hard to do this at first- I felt like a fraud, a liar, a cheat and had that horrible feeling that I'm trying to ignore something hideous that I have done. I promise, it gets easier. Doubting that it is OCD is just another part of this horrible disorder.

I hope you're feeling a little better today. Try to keep busy whilst it's this bad- that may take the edge off a bit.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this too. It sucks.

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Wow ok..that's a bit unfair

No it's not ;) I wanted you to think about the statement you made, to look at it, to consider what you're saying. Because if you're saying it applies to you, it must apply to all. You said

Yeah but I was 'normal' up until that point so I can't have just developed ocd

now you're saying

I was only saying how it feels to me! How I can't see it for what it apparently is. Why I feel stuck etc etc..

Those are two very different statements, the second one being the accurate one, the first one keeping you stuck. We all need to look at the things we're saying to ourselves that are helping us to stay stuck :)

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Ok well what I meant was that apart from being a worrier and having a few milder ocd traits (possibly looking back) when I was a bit younger I really was in good spirits this night 3 years ago and felt ok. It literally seems to have happened over night. I have never experienced such a thing before so yes I do feel like a fraud as if I blaming it on ocd false memory when what if it isn't. It's how it's making me feel and I can't help that.

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I really was in good spirits this night 3 years ago and felt ok. It literally seems to have happened over night

I was in really good spirits one second, and Bam the next. It has to have a starting point.

so yes I do feel like a fraud as if I blaming it on ocd false memory when what if it isn't

But Saz......."But what if it wasn't?" ........The classic bottom line retort of everyone's OCD. How can I be certain? You can't, you have to proceed regardless of the uncertainty.

It's how it's making me feel and I can't help that.

It makes everyone feel that way and nope, we can't help it but we can help by changing the approach.

An OCD thought can still take you down in a flash, even when you know it's OCD, it still takes work and strength to get through the fear.....it is so painful and powerful and convincing. But if you try to deal with it by finding certainty first, finding the answer, removing the doubt, you haven't a hope in moving forward.

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