In A Poor Place But Doing As Required

[taurean]

I normally ground myself in the present with some fun happiness and personal interraction. With some ERP exercises to keep exposure updated.

More tricky with thinking distortions but I address them.

Since a relapse kicked in hard several weeks ago I have struggled. The relapse was triggered by 3 separate extremely unpleasant news stories; sadly all the hard work in ERP I have done on (for me) tricky news stories was not sufficient to slide over them and move on from them.

I got bad anxiety then depression. Most days it has been difficult to function.

I have let intrusions be and moved myself along looking to achieve a few things a day.

This week has been dire, dreadful. I have been unable to see things through calmly, thoroughly. Meantime the OCD has dug out some old distress to torment me.

I have been here before - I know a little success tends to shift things along.

The doctor suggested more therapy - but I have good understanding of OCD and my thinking distortions - just need things to come together and move in the right direction.

More challenges tomorrow. Hoping for some relief to give me a lift.

Really really fragile physically and emotionally just now. Some periods of freedom without pressure or stress or exposure to upsets would help.

I am simply seeking just a little more support. I know what to do, and I am much too fragile to try anything anyway other than leaving be and refocusing and distracting and looking to carry on as normal.

Edited November 20, 2015 by taurean

[Saz]

Morning Roy

Really sorry that your struggling so much. What have you got planned for today? Perhaps a gentle walk outside today in the fresh air will help to calm you and clear your mind - wrap up warm though as it's becoming quite cold and windy! Or just have a nice relaxing day but do some small indoor activities, such as crosswords, puzzles, reading. I'm sure you just need a bit of time and this will pass. I keep getting spooked by news articles so I know a little bit how your feeling. Big hugs x

[taurean]

We are travelling back from Northants to London.

My wife - who is deaf - needed my help on her Mum's affairs.

I will just stare out the window and enjoy the view.

[Caramoole]

Must admit, I've been in a poor place recently and have really become very aware of been dragged down particular neural pathways, almost as though it's become a preset, automatic response. Am working on manually shifting gears. (Anxiety/depression wise). Have just downloaded Jeffrey Schwarz's book The Mind & Brain

Hope things pick up soon Roy :hug:

[bendylouise]

Hope things improve for you v soon Roy and same to Caramoole too. I find this time of year v difficult, and an extra strain to deal with. Keep doing what you do. hugs from BL.

[taurean]

Mmhh thanks all.

Well the news is a wash-out at the moment for me whatever, and the sport news is rather affected too.

I took my Kindle up to the Midlands plus an old favourite book.

I managed fairly well through the posters on the travel interchanges, only for the OCD to recall a really nasty film title and loop it. I had been handling that one quite well previously , and other (to me unpleasant) film and TV titles recently pre-relapse, so I think it is time to use another write down - seeing these nasty things in print helps to transfer the very high emotion within out onto the paper - rate the anxiety when first written down, then record where it came from and how OCD/distortions are personalising and changing it, then reframe the meaning more beneficially.

I only do this, under the suggestion from my therapists, when something really unpleasant sticks around in that mental chatter, and I need to try another manual gear.

It was as well I was with my wife at the lawyers - she got very confused.

Am now on the trail of writing an e-mail for her while she rests. I need a distraction anyway.

[Saz]

Roy can I ask you a question if you feel up to answering it? You know when you say you personalise these horrible film titles/news articles/posters etc..Do you mean you take on the distress of them as if you are or where somehow involved in them? Im only asking because I'm pretty sure this is what I do or have done. It's happening to me a lot with a specific distressing theme. Before my false memory I remember reading about something absolutely horrific in the news, it was a big story and I couldn't get it out of my head, it absolutely ruined my night out for me. I was ok for a god while after that but with everything that's going on I have to say I'm doing it a lot more. X

[taurean]

Yes that is a problem with the news.

Essentially, the news is trawled up from the news agencies networked worldwide - and an awful lot of it is not going to be nice.

My OCD "scans for the thing I fear" - so it can find something really horrible (to me) . A non-sufferer would simply note this and move on - there would be no conenction with what is simply an un;pleasant third party story. In other words they automatically deploy the "impartial third party observer"

My OCD may try to make a connection between me and the unpleasant news story, rather than me the "independent observer".

I get this also with film and books . Just the title alone, or the colour themiong, can set my brain "mind-reading" as to what the thing is actaully about, that it is unpleasant, and that i could be involved.

It isn't of course rational, but when it has made the connection it is like a dog with a bone and won't let go - and it is very distressing to me.

I think this is partly why ERP is not really managing to be a lasting resolution for me personally in this part of my hierarchy of issues..

Another feature for me is that it can be some very small item in the neews, maybe just a couple of paragraphs, but the disorder finds it and expands it.

I won't usually get my news from the radio - it just delivers only the worst news. And the TV delivers distrubing pictures which "brainlock" too, so I don't favour those deliveries. I usually dor the ERP using a newspaper - there are still images, but i seem to handle stills better than video.

I don't wish amy bright spark to further spook us by adding some graphic illustration here of their own here - PLEASE DON'T . we already have them thanks and they are seriously upsetting - both of us are already badly-enough spooked - but at least I know what is going on in my mind in the initial OCD response phase to a news story. so don't say, "is this what you mean, would this trigger you" please folks - essentially it no doubt might make things a whole lot worse thatn the real bad they already are.

Sometimes I can see these things off - seem to have the mental strength to do so - others I just don't have that and get spooked.

Edited November 20, 2015 by taurean

[taurean]

I am also finding other people's threads and issues trigering at the moment, so essentially only looking towards working out of my own problems right now.

[taurean]

What does help me is to encourage my brain to follow more beneficial pathways - and i suppose this is what happens in the mode when I am doing quite well.

Like choosing to watch antiques shows, Time Team, gameshows, sport, art, home, hobby tv programmes. Reading light-hearted novels, travel, romance, alternative living. Watching films like "Mr Turner". "Persuasion" and romcoms or light-hearted comedies.

Being creative in writing and hobbies.

LIstening to music.

Edited November 20, 2015 by taurean

[Saz]

Ok thank you for answering...I hope I didn't make you worse..get better soon x

[taurean]

Must admit, I've been in a poor place recently and have really become very aware of been dragged down particular neural pathways, almost as though it's become a preset, automatic response. Am working on manually shifting gears. (Anxiety/depression wise). Have just downloaded Jeffrey Schwarz's book The Mind & Brain

Hope things pick up soon Roy :hug:

Thank you.

Last two times we made this trip - first by train, last time by car - I was "in remission" and in a very good place. I was very relaxed and mindful when travelling on the train and didn't have any especial issues with the nasty posters on the way.I wasn't tense or stressed and we enjoyed some nice snacks.

On the way back by car I stopped in torrential rain for a pub lunch .

By car we chatted a lot on the way up. I came back on my own I played some lively but nice music en route.

My reading matter was mostly "The Times" - foucusing mainly on the business and sport, but doing some ERP on the dodgy stuff - looking to read it detached from an "impartial observer" viewpoint.

[taurean]

Ok thank you for answering...I hope I didn't make you worse..get better soon x

No I am no worse - it is a beastly problem to have though.

[Guest]

Schwartz's 'the mind and the brain' is a very good book. And very good distraction hope everyone feels better soon.

[Caramoole]

Schwartz's 'the mind and the brain' is a very good book. And very good distraction hope everyone feels better soon.

Looking forward to reading it, have meant to buy it for years and never got round to it

[whitebeam]

Hi Roy - and Caramoole

I'm so sorry that you are both finding things so difficult at the moment. You are always so strong when helping others that it is easy to forget that you both still get these spells.

It might be an idea to try the book as Orwell suggests: 'Schwartz's 'the mind and the brain' is a very good book. And very good distraction'

Try to find something gentle and relaxing - I agree, Roy, about Persuasion - love it - and just take things easy. Take time for yourselves.

Please take care,

whitebeam

Edited November 20, 2015 by whitebeam

[taurean]

I will - trying hard to skip along the surface of thinking, rather than overthinking and digging deeper.

[taurean]

Had a great sleep but awoke to complete negativity - state of the world, my feelings about me, my health, how it is affecting others.

The world at large is in a poor state - but I can only change my perspective on that

.

I need to shift that emphasis. Refocus to what is good, right and positive. And get back the fun and laughter.

It's a rest day - greatful thanks for that.

Edited November 21, 2015 by taurean

[taurean]

Was dozing and found myself obsessing about computer games.

They are on blanket marketing right now.

Not a place for me to go.

Time for a refocus.

Edited November 21, 2015 by taurean

[taurean]

My bedroom is my sanctuary now.

I can't resolve the world's difficulties - but I can leave that to those who choose to try.

[Saz]

Roy we sound actually quite similar in our thinking. I am also frightened about what goes on in this world..You are right in that we cannot resolve it's difficulties but we can try to get ourselves better so that we become stronger. Big hugs x

[taurean]

Yes. We have to let go. There is no solution to hand; international problems have escalated and we have to leave addressing them to others.

I was keeping up with the news as part of the ERP but now its causing depression, so I am easing off.

It helps to focus locally, and to enjoy uplifting entertainment. I am helping my wife this morning.

[Caramoole]

This weather and the dark days don't help any of us. It's storm force and hailing here in the North. :cold:

[taurean]

Rain this morning then a little sun.

Whirring thought loops prevail, driving me bonkers. Trying to simply ignore and reading a favourite book.

My wife would like a chat but I can't communicate well like this.

Freezing and no boiler. So selective house heating and I will try and watch some tv. I am pretty sure that a manual steer and gear around the lock will shift things - but at the moment I am resting up before beefing up my activity.

Edited November 21, 2015 by taurean

[taurean]

Nice lunch of soup in the conservatory and we are now to separate dens.

I am watching footie.Looking to work around the brainlock by footie plus e-mails and music plus a bit of intense activity.

Just above freezing but we are working the heaters quite well - that's not a problem.