battlethrough Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 More support than advice Im loseing it again,my fears and regrets take it in turns then vanish onto the next Ive confessed thoughts and historic sexual fantasys to my partner over the years that have caused her to much stress Shes understanding about pocd, but i told her thoughts i had about her sister and realy hurt her Were very much in love and i want to be with her forever A couple of years ago i got drunk,very drunk and led on her sisters bed,shes an adult by the way,i then drunkenly got up and left,also another time drunk i tried to get in her mums house when her sister was down,i dont know why, maby just wanted to crash Years have gone by and the guilt goes away but then it pops up and i feel so guilty and feel i must confess My partner doesnt want to know thoughts,she made that clear but as this was real events the pull to confess is strong Ive written all this before and had good advice,i just feel lost again Link to comment
PolarBear Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 And the advice is going to be the same again. Nothing has changed. So the same old intrusive thoughts popped up again. You deal with them the same way again. You know what you need to do. You just have to do it. Link to comment
battlethrough Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 I have tried everything,this is no life,evrrytime i feel recoverd i fall,this is no life,just a prisoner in my own mind,the pressure in the front of my scull feels like it could crack my head open,wish it would and have done with this Link to comment
PolarBear Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 That's a pretty fatalistic attitude. It must seem like you have done everything but I suspect you haven't. You've tried a few things but you haven't gone as far as you can. You say you've confessed to your partner. You know that's a compulsion and it's the wrong thing to do. How long have you gone without confessing? A few days? A week or so? A month? What about not confessing at all? Have you done that? Have you kept one of those deep, dark secrets (which are all very minor in nature) under your hat permanently? Or do you give in every time, performing compulsions and setting yourself up for failure? How much ruminating are you doing? What you wrote above about the sister, you've written quite a few times in the past. It's still on your mind. I bet you're going over those instances in your mind again and again. That's ruminating, its a compulsion and it needs to stop. Look at my signature line. It's the truth. Link to comment
battlethrough Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Thnx pb I always feel not good enough,although nothing happened i cant work out what my drunken intensions were Maby i wanted more,maby,ifs and buts I just feel guilty for falling or laying on her bed allbeit for seconds Link to comment
Guest yinyang Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 (edited) I always feel not good enough,although nothing happened i cant work out what my drunken intensions were Maby i wanted more,maby,ifs and buts If I had acted on all my drunken intentions I'm sure I would be cuddling up to a geezer on a cold bunk bed in parkhurst by now, wishing I hadn't drank that last jager bomb, but that's probably beside the point. The point is we all have random thoughts and intentions, especially when under the influence. How we act on them defines us, not the thought. You didn't act on one so you have no logical reason to feel guilty. The evidence is all there in your post Edited November 25, 2015 by yinyang Link to comment
PolarBear Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Thnx pb I always feel not good enough,although nothing happened i cant work out what my drunken intensions were Maby i wanted more,maby,ifs and buts I just feel guilty for falling or laying on her bed allbeit for seconds The problem is that you are still trying to work out what your intention were. That's a compulsion and it's keeping you stuck. Let it go. It doesn't matter anymore. Life is not about punishing yourself endlessly over stupid things. Link to comment
battlethrough Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 If she was awake would i have acted,its screwd up i know but my brain is treating it like something happened because i shouldnt have been there Isnt that betrayel,the fact i was in the bedroom and i tried to get in the house Be it drunk or not Link to comment
PolarBear Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 If she was awake would i have acted,its screwd up i know but my brain is treating it like something happened because i shouldnt have been there Isnt that betrayel,the fact i was in the bedroom and i tried to get in the house Be it drunk or not And here you go again, ruminating. You're doing this to yourself. Leave it alone. It just doesn't matter anymore. Link to comment
battlethrough Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 The problem is i think i was seen staggering out of her room by her neice wich makes me feel the need to confess more, This happened 4 years ago but i still worry,it will come out Link to comment
PolarBear Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I keep telling you the same thing, over and over. Maybe one day it will sink it. You're doing this to yourself through compulsions. Link to comment
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