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overwhelming


Guest silverlight

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Guest silverlight

It is very difficult for me to raise my 3 kids because these intrusive thoughts ruin everything I try to do. I was trying to give my son a chocolate earlier and i broke it into a small piece but felt I should have broken it in half again. I fight with this in my head, feeling like I don't need to, but if I don't I am willingly okay with the prospect he could choke, and therefore terrible. He didn't choke, by the way, but I still feel like a danger to my children for being horrified with what these thoughts tell me, and not following the compulsion anyway.

Does that make sense?

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Are you getting any help for your OCD?

You need to learn to ignore those thoughts. So he had the chocolate and he didn't choke. That's it. It's over. It's not worth thinking about anymore. You can stop yourself from going over it in your mind. Leave it alone and get working on something else. I know it's hard but it's what you need to do.

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Guest silverlight

I currently am not receiving any help for OCD at all. It's really rough, I really tried to be attentive to the kids all day long today but it's so hard. I've been tires a lot lately and just sort of "out of it" it's really hard for me to pay attention to my surroundings unless I am really hyperfocused, otherwise I'm just ruminating on something or blank inside.

I don't really know how to explain it, I just know I feel like the worst parent ever. These thoughts ruin things for me. Especially if I get a thought telling me something is sinful, then I feel paralyzed. I will be having supper and suddenly think "You've had enough" and I freak out wondering if it's God, and if I don't stop eating, I am sinning because that could have been God talking to me.

I also have a lot of coincidences happen. Running with the supper example, if I go ahead and continue eating anyway, something will happen, like, I'll feel sick or something after, and it's like a confirming blow. Like I should have just followed the thought/voice. Which is always followed by guilt. This happens SO often.

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Guest silverlight

I keep making these mistakes, but I don't even know if I can call them mistakes because the nature of them feels so aware. Like I think everything through and so I have no room for mistakes, only willful bad choices. Even this morning I was nursing my son and he started to roll himself over (he's 1) and I didn't even react to keep him from rolling off the bed. I was too busy reading something online on my phone to stop him. He did not fall off the bed but I feel badly for not even taking precautions. Like I'm just OK with one of the kids getting hurt for my own convenience and selfishness but then I feel wicked and rotten afterward. What is wrong with me?

I tried like I said, to be hypervigilant with him yesterday but I feel so wore out. Which isn't an excuse. I feel selfish, I feel like a terrible parent, and even considered giving my children away to protect them from myself and my carelessness.

I'm almost always preoccupied with stuff to pay full undivided attention to them and even sometimes it's just pure laziness or carelessness on my part. I keep trying to fight this but it's a losing battle. I am not sure where to go from here, it's very hard being hypervigilant and protecting the kids from everything or else if I don't try my hardest I am willingly allowing them harm. Ugh.

Edited by silverlight
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