Intrusive thoughts

[The OCDJ]

Sorry to text you all again anxiety is just really high as I have my children on my own as my partner isn't allowed home yet as he had a breakdown! So you can Guess my OCD is going crazy and unfortunately gone on to my children the intrusiive thoughts are just too much too handle. I really need your help as I feel you are the only ones that can. Also I am due to give birth in January. I'm just riddled with anxiety. I was feeling so much better but I'm on a downwards spiral and feel very alone. Does anybody feel incredibly guilty for letting the thoughts be there I know this is what your supposed to do but I'm so anxious and irrational. I mentioned in my previous post my baby is lying very low so I feel like I have groinal responses all the time. How do I deal with this when my baby's want a cuddle of their mum and I have a groinal response it feels very wrong and all to easy for intrusive thoughts to come into my head. I love my baby's and I just want to hold them without repeating 'safe' words in my head.

Also another scary thing when I get the intrusive thoughts and just let them be and I'm aware I'm just letting them be there but sometimes I get intrusive thoughts and let them be there without consciously realising I'm doing it for exposure. This is when it is particularly scary because my OCD tries to tell me coz I wasn't aware I was doing exposure I was doing it for another reason (these are really bad spikes for me) and then I feel compelled to reassure myself it was for exposure somewhere in my subconscious I hope it knows its exposure.If I could recognise them as intrusive thoughts they wouldn't bother me so why do they bother me so much! They feel different to just a thought that you see as a cloud and easily dismiss they feel very threatening and something to be concerned about and solve. I'm so sick of feeling guilty depressed and confused. I hate these intrusive thoughts and OCD twists it so much telling me if I let it be there I want it how can I challenge this when my rational part of my brain feels like it's been stamped on and squashed by my OCD. Everytime I fight against it and say it's unwanted its intrusive the OCD is louder at the minute I feel I can't reassure myself about anything. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Guest Roscoe]

When I have the thoughts I feel guilty but the "period" of guilt gets shorter and shorter as time passes. I suppose my mind is getting used to them to a degree. Although my mind does seem really good at "overcoming" one thought and conjuring up a new one.

[PolarBear]

You've got to let the intrusive thoughts be. Just let them go ahead and pop into your head and don't react to them. They are being forced upon you and your job is to leave them alone. The same holds true for groinal responses. They don't mean anything. They're just there. They bother you because you keep noticing them and your brain tries to connect them to something bad. Again, leave them alone.

[The OCDJ]

Thank you very much for your replies it just feels so horrible to let them be there when my baby climbs on me or I'm changing a nappy even when I don't have any thoughts it feels like I'm doing something wrong and I keep going over it. Is this normal to feel this way? I feel so sick. When I get anxious I repeat my partners name in my head should I not do this? I just feel by not doing this and letting the thoughts be I'm doing something really wrong and I'm repulsed. Once again thank you for your replies x

[PolarBear]

You're not doing anything wrong. It's wrong to continue to perform useless compulsions that only make matters worse for you. Going over it in your head is a compulsion. Repeating your partner's name is a compulsion. Hunker down and ignore those thoughts. Don't give them the time of day. It doesn't matter if it feels like you're doing something wrong. You're not.

[The OCDJ]

Thanks so much polarbear x

[The OCDJ]

Polar bear can I ask you something I'm struggling on how to deal with it. I had an intrusive thought about my nan that really distressed me now I am dealing better with the unwanted thoughts the OCD has latched on to my biggest fear trying to tell me I want these intrusive thoughts when I so desperately don't want them. How do I deal with this. Do I say back to OCD I don't want it or is that a compulsion? I find when I say I don't want it it makes the OCD stronger. So I said 'ok I want it whatever' but when I said this it felt psychologically like I did want this horrible thought about my nan even though I knew I didn't! This gave me distress agreeing with the OCD because it made me feel like I wanted the thought. Am I doing the right thing? I'm trying to expose myself to my biggest fear. The anxiety did die down but now I'm panicking that the intrusive thought psychologically felt 'wanted' for a second. But I was just trying to face up to my OCD!! Is saying back to it it's not wanted a compulsion because I feel the OCD doesn't listen to that and just makes it worse! Did I do the right thing saying 'ok it's wanted' and letting it feel like it was wanted (even though deep down I knew it wernt although my OCD try's to make me doubt that) I didn't know which way to handle this new OCD accusation. Am I doing anything wrong or was it the right thing to do?

Edited November 24, 2015 by The OCDJ

[PolarBear]

You're right that OCD doesn't listen to you. You can't be rational with OCD. That's why we say don't argue with the OCD. Just let the thoughts be. You get a nasty thought about your nan, just leave it alone. You don't want to say something against the thought. You don't have to sit there and think whether you wanted it or not. Clearly you don't want the thoughts to be there. So just leave them alone. It takes lots of practice to do that properly. Your instinct will be to say to yourself, "No I don't want that thought." OCD comes back that you do. Then you end up arguing with yourself over it, which does no good. So just leave the thought alone. Don't respond to it. Don't do anything at all. Let the thought be there and continue on with what you are doing, as if it isn't even there.

[The OCDJ]

Thanks for your advice, When OCD says its wanted I scream in my head 'No no no no' I know I've got to stop this but if I ignore it I fear an automatic false feeling comes psychologically feeling like I want it (even though I KNOW I don't) I think because I'm so scared of it does that make sense? My OCD is relentless! It could just be a feeling of accepting it that OCD try's to twist! How do I stop this false feeling coming if I don't say 'no no no no' This is what I find so distressing. If this happens do I just let the feeling be there and try not to analyse it. X

Edited November 24, 2015 by The OCDJ

[PolarBear]

You don't stop it. You leave it alone. It's like having an obnoxious child beside you screaming at you. You just ignore the child. You go on with what you're doing. Eventually the child will get tired and leave you alone.

[The OCDJ]

Thanks so much polar bear you always help me and many others on this forum and I'm very grateful x