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Binxy

OCD-UK Member
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About Binxy

  • Birthday 14/07/1981

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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Yep

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  1. Nothing new here- wondering if, thinking, trying to reason, ruminating.... all compulsions. Your key to freedom from this is to stop engaging with and carrying out those compulsions. You will remain stuck unless you do this. Get comfortable with feeling a bit rubbish for a while whilst you cut these out, but this is the only route to freeing yourself of this.
  2. This used to a be an issue for me too. Look at the compulsions and try to cut them out. Compulsions include: 1. Getting tested- it's not often I agree with Handy but he's right that you will find a reason that you need to get tested again (What if they got it wrong? What if it was a false negative etc. etc.) and this will repeat 2. Googling- Google is not our friend under these circumstances. You will do this for hours if you're not careful 3. Coming back here with the same story, reworded, in case we didn't understand you properly and therefore might be giving bad advice 4. Asking people who were out that night if they an remember what happened to you 5. Trying hard to remember- the more you think about what you fear, the more realistic it will feel the next time you think about it (in my experience) etc. These are all things that will keep you stuck. Getting blind drunk was a bit daft but not the end of the world, I've been there, sometimes we get carried away in the moment and this happens. Learn from it, move forwards and don't carry out those compulsions! Binx
  3. Hi, For me, the above is the key bit. As soon as I start asking myself "what if..." it's usually a good sign that I'm acting on (or about to start acting on) compulsions. In this case for me it used to be ruminating, trying to remember everything that happened on a night out and then finally confessing that I had done things that I hadn't in an effort to ease the crippling guilt I used to feel in my stomach. You've got to recognise the compulsions and really try hard not to do do them. This is so hard when you're feeling really stuck. Hang in there- you can do this. Binx
  4. If I have understood correctly....Yep- I do this a lot and have issues sometimes recalling what actually happened in a situation and what I made up in my mind and ruminated on- sometimes called a "false memory".
  5. Hi Saz, Nothing new her buddy. It's just a feeling, doesn't make it true. I know the feeling of "..just burying something" very well. It's just another false message aiming to hook you back in. Let it go- crack on with your day. You know you can beat this. Binx
  6. Yup- been there! Checking news sites for evidence, researching prison sentences, looking for people with the same worry, asking friends who may have been around at the time, looking for old mates on social media who can reassure you etc. etc. They're all compulsions that you must resist. Even when you think "Just his one last time and then I can be sure"- you'll be back later needing certainty again. I'd convinced myself that I'd abused people when I was a kid or a teenager; that I'd killed an old lady I walked past; that I'd lose control if I drank; that I'd slept with people I hadn't and contracted HIV; that I'd attacked the person that they were talking about on the news who had ben attacked. I got to the point where I couldn't live with the guilt of having "done" all these things (thus being hospitalised)... all driven by compulsions to research and remember better. As I and many folks on here will tell you- recognise the compulsions and when you're about to go down the rabbit hole... find something else to do. Stress can sometimes be a trigger for this stuff. You're doing the right things- you've landed some therapy and there is great support on here.
  7. Hi Phil, Sorry to see you're back (if you know what I mean). You'll get back on top of this. Cheers, Al
  8. Hi, I suffer a lot with false memories. If I can imagine myself having done something, I can convince myself that I have. It may be linked to things that did happen (but with my own additions) or something completely unique- usually around harming people, worrying I'll go to prison or have to live with the fact that I did something terrible. In short: Obsession- Worried I have done something in the past to hurt someone Compulsion- Run over a situation over and over again, trying to remember more clearly. The more I do the latter, the more I convince myself that I've done something. Fortunately, I've been pretty well for the last seven years. The worries still come but I don't engage in the compulsive behaviour. That was the key for me. I still take some meds, and I did a really good course of CBT (third time lucky). At my worst I ahd top be hospitalised for a bit. You can get through this- Trust the diagnosis, recognise what your compulsions are and try hard not to engage with them. It's hard at first but gets easier. All the best, Binx. PS. Welcome to the forum!
  9. Hi folks, No longer a student (I wish I was!) but I started as an undergrad in 2000 (4 year undergrad, followed by 4 year PhD). I'm now a lecturer at a UK University. During my undergrad I had lots of ups and and downs with OCD. I don't know how I would have dealt with the COVID thing which must make life more complicated.... anyway, my reason for posting: you can get through this, you can learn to cope with the disorder and things can always get better even when you are convinced they won't. Hang in there folks, Binx
  10. Hi Saz, long time no see. Hope you're well x
  11. 6 Years ago this was absolutely me. I could convince myself by the time I had walked home from work that I had battered various vulnerable people on the journey. It was truly horrible to feel guilt for something I hadn't done but couldn't be sure I hadn't. The more I tried to convince myself it was OK the more I would "create" memories of what hadn't happened. The solution.... trust the diagnosis- I have OCD. I'm not cured, still have bad days but I'm nowhere near where I was six years ago.
  12. Come on Chels. You know the score. If it feels like OCD, treat it like OCD- no overthinking, no trying to convince yourself... you'll just remain stuck. Let it go, move on, find something nice to do instead of this. Hope this passes soon, Binx
  13. Sounds like a few nights of sleep will make a lot of difference to me. Hang in there
  14. In short, you won't. This is why it's such a difficult step to take. I can't really comment on the religious worries per se as it's not my bag. However, OCD is OCD, we all have to take that first step without knowing for sure that it's safe. Good luck, Binx
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