Jump to content

Scorpio

Bulletin Board User
  • Posts

    439
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Purely obessional

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    south west

Recent Profile Visitors

714 profile views
  1. Ok i haven't done it yet as don't want to make myself worse, I'm having a bad day, really low, and loads of groinal stuff going on but have realised that isn't relative to any thought it more just an arousal anxiety symptom, i feel like i need to increase sertraline and am going to call the doctor, have been on 50mg for almost six weeks, good days and bad days still bit less bad days!
  2. Hi all, I've been on sertraline for five weeks now and feel in a slightly calmer place, am having more fun with my daughter and although having intrusive thoughts I am more able to dismiss them. I've decided that I feel the only thing i would get from CBT is a 'confession' urge thing although am still going but i think i just feel i need to release the worst of thoughts for some sort of reassurance. I am that much calmer i feel like i am ready to write them down in black and white, harm and sexual being my worst along with some bizzare random thoughts. I don't want to be doing the wrong type of 'd.i.Y' exposure and potentially make myself worse, so am looking for advice that this may be of some help? My new partner wants a baby with me and I'd be terrified he found out the worst of my thoughts and change his mind and this is feeding my ocd. It's like what if he found the paper blah blah, what if someone else did? What would they think etc? Am on a long waiting list for cbt and want to get started on making myself better finally as have been suffering for fifteen years and meds are the only thing that have made me feel extreme courage in all this.
  3. He doesn't claim to have the cure, we all know there is no cure other than acceptance of uncertainty and dismissing thoughts until they start to be insignificant which is easier said than done when it's affecting ur nearest and dearest and has harm and sexual themes, if mine would go I would be one of the most happiest women on the planet, I don't want or enjoy thoughts/feelings/checking etc, I would literally undergo brain surgery to get rid of it if it was successful! As am sure many on.this forum would. It brings me down on a regular basis day to day and am permanently arguing, rumination and attempting to rationalise thought, it's been five to six years of utter hell. And of course it's so taboo I can't discuss in depth with anyone not even my partner so I feel alone. Sertraline has just stopped me from crying about it which is odd as I cried nearly every day. This is what it must feel like to bottle it up like people who don't speak about their issues. I hope when CBT comes around I can engage in it truthfully and not be ashamed or scared of the themes
  4. Well he is a proper g.p but gave up western medicine and I think when it gets really severe a combination of both can be beneficial, I ruled out meds for years but something has to be done as I feel out of control inside, I completely agree with the CBT needs to be done aswell though, as I have many fears I need to come to face with, the meds have mellowed me out I'm very unsure of when to take them, tried taking them straight before bed and woke up with stomch acid and gas again but doc wants me to do the full six weeks!
  5. Haha basically someone who doesn't agree with western medicine and believes that we can all manage our symptoms with natural alternative routes, the doc put me back onto 50 as he said 25 is pointless, I kinda feel better but don't, can't explain it, my behaviour is certainly far less erratic but process of thoughts are the same and just as frightening but I am not getting emotional from it, don't know if that makes sense?
  6. Hi all Posted a thread about coming into sertraline for ocd, depression, intrusive thoughts, I was prescribed sertraline four weeks ago and am feeling very ill, literally itchy, ears ringing, a terrible jaw clenching and jittery. What's worst is my ocd thoughts are stronger, what's weird is I can't react! I feel 'locked in' So was wondering if anyone identified with this and whether I need more time? I see a holistic doctor who does not endorse meds and says get off them and my g.p I will call tomorrow. Might I add I am moving house tomorrow with a 2 year old! This could be worsening me! I am also very tired very early and waking at four a.m with dreaded anxiety questioning everything. I feel disconnected from.the world currently and am still waiting for therapy. Just feeling alone and looking for some advice or something to be optimistic with as feel pretty numb Thanks xx
  7. Yes but without the meds I was unable to see the funny side! I did last nite and got the I.t but got on with it, my whole head is a jungle ATM, I've been exercising daily doing circuits tho which I NEVER would have had the energy, I've always been a gym nut but lately even lost the will to exercise, I can feel myself slowly better but don't feel ready to challenge the scariest thoughts with a therapist yet, although I have not seen one I'm still waiting, just trying to eat healthy keep my daughter life fun and sort my self out. Those teddy bear thoughts actually terrified me and much as an unwanted thought of hurting my baby I suppose it is progress, laughable to some but I'm that sensitive! When I was little I wouldn't throw my teddies away cos didn't wanna 'hurt their feelings,' lol I've always been the same I think most of us are probably incredibly sensitive xx
  8. It's definitely not arousal but because of all this I am having troubles with genuine arousal as I also get intrusive thoughts that way round which are highly upsetting at the time, it's more like my whole body just tingles and I've become hyper focused on the groin, have had it all day, am beginning to obsess if I'm sexually frustrated as have had no release from avoidance and this could also cause the tingling, whatever it is it drives me mental, as it's an extremely strong sensation and causes a lot of discomfort, almost like ants in my pants I find the teddy bear harm thoughts more funny lol
  9. Yes I'm still having some really nasty spikes but also laughing now at some really ridiculous ones that before would have caused me a lot of anguish, I went that mad I was careful with dolls and teddy bears as felt like I should carry them a certain way and almost treat them like babies and had an urge to stomp on one and upset myself, I had a similar earlier and almost burst out laughing, it might sound nuts but that was how bad I'd got, I'd bathe with my baby and not wash properly thru fear of contamination of germs and things it got really really crazy...To be able to laugh at the ridiculous is progress to me, although the nastier ones are still bothering me, I'm trying to rationalise that I must have ocd else wouldn't have harm thoughts towards inanimate objects as well as people animals and children. I know it's laughable but those thought bothered me a lot, I'm sure il tackle the big ones eventually and am working on loads of erp and identifying mental compulsions more easily. What gets me the most is a groinal response is to everything, eating, washing dishes, doing mundane tasks and it doesn't feel sexual it almost feels like pain
  10. I am definitely learning to dismiss them easier but still having them frequently but not getting into so much panic about them. It's almost as if the meds have made me step back and look at it from a completely different angle. I'm hoping that I can calmly go into CBT challenge them while in a lower state of anxiety and then taper off and know it's all rubbish. I just feel so much calmer in myself after a week of sertraline but am not sure it would be in my system properly yet xx
  11. Thank you I think when the meds kick in I will try and read it again as I treid when my mind was racing, the sertraline seems to be calling down the physical effects of anxiety after one week which is something as I believe those spikes of physical sensations are what makes anxiety so real xx
  12. Ashley is break free from ocd the green one by fiona challacombe? I think sleep is half the battle for me though I am currently completely exhausted, managed to have a great evening with my daughter dancing around the living room with little intrusive thoughts, I find when I 'let go' and liberate myself I'm at my happiest, IE playing going crazy, dancing and being silly but the thought can still creep in at the most blissful moments! I'm being a cow to my bf at the moment but he has no idea what ocd is like as doesn't have it I'm thinking about being single til I'm in a better place as isn't fair on him. Am hesitant to try the mirtaziprine now as you have said that, I may try two more diazepam and stick with sertraline and see how I go . Trial and error eh
  13. Thank you for the feedback. I have had insomnia since taking the sertraline, so got some diazepam to try and help me sleep which did not work...Doc now wants to get me onto mirtaziprine, if that's how you spell it, to help with the sleep, but I want to stick with the sertraline so am going to attempt to try to knock myself out again tonight. Btw this is not my.usual ways, I was very holistic I paid for many treatments, neurofeedback, acupuncture, reiki and did lots of yoga and increased my supplements but now have given up. My intention is to get my sleep back, take CBT by the horns whilst on meds, and then come off them. P.s I have a toddler am a lone parent and am hyperthyroid so exhaustion is nothing new!
  14. Thank you so much for your replies, this is the sort of encouragement I have been looking for, I have been suffering inside my own head for many many years and used the forum when at my wit's end with rumination and doubt, there are times I see ocd for what it really is, then other times I'm like what the hell is all that about, especially a groinal thingy can be awfully infuriating and heartbreaking although I've noticed it's going off at everything now and not just relative to the stuff I don't want it to, I finally said to myself today I can't help these thoughts and I can't help the groinal response, it was a horrid thing to think but I was trying to forgive myself for something out of my control, I also had a unwanted urge to grope my sister and thought seriously wtf is that, I've had it to nearly everyone I meet, imagining all sorts of sordid stuff thiking I'm some sort of nympho nutter, it's exhausting towards my dad etc it's sick and feel like I can tell no one I can't be intimate with my b.f anyone because during the climax something pops in that I don't want, I've tried gritting my teeth and bearing with it but it makes me feel sick after. I started on the sertraline four days ago and CBT should be in a few weeks. Sexual obsessions suck as it's so taboo you cant talk and the thoughts are designed to provoke intense guilt and shame...So lost ATM
  15. Ok I understand this but there must be similar recovery stories from mother's in the same boat, or a similar one. I'm not even looking for advice on how I will react, what I'm looking for is some encouragement and support from like minded people, isn't that what this forum is for?
×
×
  • Create New...