Planning children is it a good idea realistically

[Running Lover]

As many of you know I am up and down like a yo yo. When I'm feeling good I can honestly say I would love to get married and have a baby with my partner. He would also like a child but realistically it's never going to be a good idea for me is it. I spend hours in bed when im bad. I'm terrified around children and yet I absolutely adore them and would love a baby more than anything. Just can't see it will ever happen. Even if I get better I'm more likely to get ill afterwards.

[PolarBear]

I was not a perfect parent when I was in the throes of OCD. I wish I could have been more a part of my kids' lives. That said, if I could, I would not turn back the clock and do it all over again. We have some wondrous, joyous times. Having OCD was just part of life. It would have been nice not to have to deal with a disorder (that I didn't know at the time I had) but things worked out alright.

You do have the power to change the future, by working hard today to overcome your disorder.

[Guest anatta]

If I were inclined to have children, I would adopt. That way, even with my problems, I'd be an improvement on growing up in care for someone. I also wouldn't pass on OCD to possibly far future generations that I won't be around to ensure get early diagnosis and other support. Finally, that way there are no unresearched possible long-term neurological effects of medication exposure in utero to worry about.

Edited March 3, 2015 by anatta

[Guest Tricia]

I agree with Anatta.

[daisy]

I wouldn't of had children if I had known that I was going to have OCD and it being so severe!

But it is a very personal choice,also depends how severe your ocd is I guess x

[Guest Tricia]

One of the problems is that many women are either made worse by pregnancy/childbirth/raising a child, or even develop it at such times.

[Running Lover]

Feel bit gutted about it, for some reason it didn't even occur to me about passing it on to my child :/ in my mind I was hoping one day with right help it might go from me then I could maybe consider starting family with my partner. I think it would hard to adopt given my medical history ocd/depression.

[PolarBear]

If I were inclined to have children, I would adopt. That way, even with my problems, I'd be an improvement on growing up in care for someone. I also wouldn't pass on OCD to possibly far future generations that I won't be around to ensure get early diagnosis and other support. Finally, that way there are no unresearched possible long-term neurological effects of medication exposure in utero to worry about.

There's no guarantee an adopted child wouldn't have OCD... or bipolar, major depression, and on and on.

[Guest anatta]

There's no guarantee an adopted child wouldn't have OCD... or bipolar, major depression, and on and on.

But they would already have it, and I would be making life better for them. As opposed to CAUSING someone else to have it, spreading my defective genes further through the gene pool.

[Caramoole]

Feel bit gutted about it, for some reason it didn't even occur to me about passing it on to my child :/ in my mind I was hoping one day with right help it might go from me then I could maybe consider starting family with my partner

Then ignore the negative input, find that right help and hopefully in the future go on to have the family you want

Just because some struggled doesn't mean you will. For everyone who would advise you against, we have hundreds of parents on the forums who wouldn't swap having children despite there being difficulties.

And remember, these are just individual experiences.....it doesn't mean you have to make a decision based off them

[Guest AJ45]

The advantage you have is that you are making an informed decision, if you have support and understanding around you then that will make things easier.

My children are the best thing in my life and the one thing that makes me fight to beat this.

[daisy]

Hello Liberty,i am so sorry if i have upset you i certainly didn't mean to.

I think Caramoole and AJ have put it very well,in my case there have been other issues as well as my OCD,so really i shouldn't of said anything at all.

I would add though that i love my son dearly,and really regret writing that post.

I hope that you have the family that you want,there is no reason for you not to.x

[Running Lover]

Oh no don't think you have upset me you haven't. I totally know where your coming from. I have a older child and although I love him with every piece of my heart it has been so so stressful especially as I only got the help in recent years and I now know I have ocd and I'm not just a bad person. It's a really tough desicion isn't it because as well, if you aren't going to be well enough to bring child up then it seems bit crazy.

[Running Lover]

One of the problems is that many women are either made worse by pregnancy/childbirth/raising a child, or even develop it at such times.

[Running Lover]

Hi Tricia yes that's what I worry about. Certainly it is what triggered me terribly when I had my child 16 years ago

[Running Lover]

Please don't anyone think I'm offended it's really good to be able to discuss with people that understand how devastating and debilitating the illness is. My dr said I should chat to midwife too. Obviously if we do decide to go ahead my medication would be huge problem

[daisy]

Thanks Liberty i am glad to hear i havn't upset you x

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Hi Tricia yes that's what I worry about. Certainly it is what triggered me terribly when I had my child 16 years ago

You already have a child?

[Running Lover]

Yes I have a 16 year old.

[Guest Tricia]

There's no guarantee an adopted child wouldn't have OCD... or bipolar, major depression, and on and on.

I know Anatta has replied to this, but my feelings are the same as hers. My daughter certainly plans to adopt if ever she does consider having a child. She is not opposed to raising a child with a problem, she does doesn't want to feel she's the cause of it. However, as she now has developed OCD herself, she realizes the strain of being a parent is likely to make her condition worse. My son is free of OCD but sadly his daughter has developed it.

I am 99 percent sure that had I remained single and childless I'd still have a career and my OCD would be much less severe, but that's just my personal experience.

Caramoole is right about it being individual opinions and choices and there will be many parents with OCD who would still have children if they could live their lives over again.

[Ashley]

We have many, many ladies with OCD who are mums who have fit healthy children and more than that, those women are the most amazing mums ever, despite OCD. OCD need not be a barrier to any lady deciding if they want children or not.

OCD is a treatable illness, and there is absolutely no firm evidence that it can be passed on or is in the genes (despite what some scientists claim). So I would encourage ladies not to abandon the thought of having children, but why not postpone it if you feel you need to and come back to the decision once you have tackled your OCD.

Focus some time and effort on tackling the OCD and if you have some success maybe you can then review your decision on deciding if you want children or not.

I am a man, so maybe I don't have a right to comment but I think OCD robs us off so much already, it would be a shame if a lady who really wants to be a mum chooses not to because of the OCD.

[Guest legend]

We have many, many ladies with OCD who are mums who have fit healthy children and more than that, those women are the most amazing mums ever, despite OCD. OCD need not be a barrier to any lady deciding if they want children or not.OCD is a treatable illness, and there is absolutely no firm evidence that it can be passed on or is in the genes (despite what some scientists claim). So I would encourage ladies not to abandon the thought of having children, but why not postpone it if you feel you need to and come back to the decision once you have tackled your OCD.Focus some time and effort on tackling the OCD and if you have some success maybe you can then review your decision on deciding if you want children or not.I am a man, so maybe I don't have a right to comment but I think OCD robs us off so much already, it would be a shame if a lady who really wants to be a mum chooses not to because of the OCD.

Applies to both sexes !!! I've helped,/met men who put off having kids due to ocd !

I can see why, having once walked in there shoes, but with right help they've gone

Onto to lead life's as fantastic parents, and would also do so , even if ocd reared its ugly head

[Caramoole]

I largely made the decision not to have children because of how OCD made me feel. This was 20 years prior to being diagnosed and I simply thought I was slightly insane and probably not fit to have them. With hindsight my decision would probably have been different and despite testing periods, I would have been fine.

[Ashley]

Just to add to this, Fiona Challacombe is also offering a specialist OCD service for new Mum's with OCD. Whilst this may not be the full answer, it is another resource available which should help some able to access it.

[Nolu]

As my psychologist said to me you need to live while you feel this way.

Nolu