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Fretting about future social events


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I have quite a few hen parties and weddings coming up this year and even though they are 6 months + away, I am constantly worrying about them. I'm going through every possible situation in my head and it's driving me mad. It stresses me out that I can feel this ill about something that is so far away.

Potential concerns are:

That someone will say something bad about me - a lie that everyone believes or something that revolves around one of my fears

That people will get hideously drunk and become confrontational and disruptive

That something generally embarrassing will happen

That people will notice how anxious I am and think I'm weird

That I will constantly be checking people's reactions and will hate the entire experience

The list literally goes on

Does anyone else get this nervous this far ahead of social engagements? It's sad because I used to have parties all the time but now can't even imagine going to other people's.

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It doesn't help that you're going through every situation in your head, it's just making it worse, especially seeing as there all negative thoughts.

I'm currently working on my therapy for general anxiety, & for every anxiety I write down I have to write a few possible positive alternative's. It actually helps me a bit, as really, there's as much chance of them happening as the negative one's.

The chances are, you will have a really good time, but could you just got out for an hour or two? make some excuse for why you can't stay out for long?

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Guest anatta

I used to, when I was a teenager and had undiagnosed social anxiety disorder. It disappeared on its own when I went to college, got new friends and realised that I had finally learned enough social skills by observation and research that I could manage social situations quite well, and enjoy them. I have Asperger's though, and if you don't have Asperger's then treating it is more complicated than just learning enough social skills to feel confident, because you probably already have them. In that case, the firstline treatment options are the same as for OCD, i.e. CBT, exposure therapy, SSRIs.

Edited by anatta
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Hi,

Thanks, I will try the writing exercise. I hadn't thought of doing that.

Unfortunately, I can't not stay for the whole thing for most of them especially as two events are for a siblings celebration.

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Guest Cuddlygeek

At the sibling events you will have your family with you, remember they love you!

With the friends events, just enjoy! You have nothing to prove to people, have fun or opt out!

I went to a good friends stag do two years ago and we went paint balling, it wasn't my thing (played a few games) then sat some out. We went out on a pub crawl, some acted like idiots, we went for food, then I opted out of the nightclub as I was knackered! So went back to the hotel at the same time as his old man!

My point is no-one judged me, I had a good time, but I worried for months first. The stag was fine with me, and we all had a good time. Just enjoy it!

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Thanks for your reply.

I don't think it helps that I have to plan my sister's hen party and there are lots of strong characters going. The last hen party I planned had me stressed on the night as I wanted to make sure everyone enjoyed themselves.

I think part of the problem is I can never relax and always look tense. Infact someone actually blurted out at a hen party in front of everyone that I always look tense. This made me really self conscious.

I know I should stop worrying and go with the flow. I am just frustrated that I can't just enjoy myself like everyone else.

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Well, once it's planned, it's up to them whether they have fun or not, you can't make people happy! If not, I could cure you of you OCD with a thought :original:

I know know it's easier said than done, but once your there, try to relax, you can't control every little thing, so don't try.

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Thanks Symps. Yeah, letting go of control is a big thing for me. I'm just hoping I can stop worrying about it for now. It's so far away and I have enough obsessions without adding this into the mix.

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Guest Cuddlygeek

Nothing will ever be 100% to plan and not everyone will be happy. The most important person is the hen and as long as she's happy that's all that matters. If one or two of the strong personalities are unhappy, remind them it's the hens night not theirs!

You will do a good job

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