Dont know if i can take this much longer...

[Chels]

Iv posted quote a few topics on here in the last few months regarding my Relationship OCD...its getting beyond a joke now..the end of my tether with it i feel like i no longer want to be here anymore im constantly upset, depressed, feel sick and just sick of my life completely. I have my 2nd CBT session tonight so i am getting help for it but i feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me im constantly getting horrible vile thoughts which i feel really really guilty for! Iv started now not confessing my thoughts to my boyfriend but its literally the most stupidest things but i know IF i did tell him (which im not going to) he'd be annoyed...like i went on my little sisters facebook account because i dont have one i only went on to check something and then when i was scrolling down her 'online' friends i thought oh dont go down to that letter your ex's name might be there then i thought well ill scroll down anyway see if his name does i wonder if she still has him on here, not that im bothered. Then anyway i was scrolling down everyones status's in the news feed whos pops up my ex's so im like 'quick quick dont look scrool past' so i quickly scrolled past then i thought hmm wonder what it said again, not that im bothered....But then im like well why are you thinking about it? And now that it was 'just a thought' and i did actually see it and i did actually scroll down should i tell my boyfriend? I know its something SO stupid but i feel so guilty..Then this started thoughts like 'if you split up with your current boyfriend would you go to see your ex' then i respond 'well thats what happened last time so you probably would yes' and again feel like iv cheated on my boyfriend or planned seeing my ex if we split up, even though maybe i wouldnt...i dont even plan on splitting up with my boyfriend, im not going to tell him but by not telling him i feel like i dont even want to see my boyfriend cause ill just feel so guilty and end up crying because i feel awful. Sorry for such a long post but this is the lowest iv felt yet and im worried Im currently hating my life.

[Guest Tricia]

You are doing the right thing in keeping these thoughts to yourself (tell your therapist, but not your boyfriend). When a partner becomes annoyed, it's certainly best not to discuss our obsessions.

I really don't see that taking an interest by scrolling down your sister's Facebook page indicates any feelings for your ex. (I'm not sure it would even be classed as that, it may well just be your OCD driving it).

I hope you find your therapy beneficial, it's early days and it won't help overnight.

You certainly have no reason to feel guilty.

[battlethrough]

Well done for not confessing

Ive caused my wife so much pain by confessing.

She made it quite clear she would rather not know and that we all have our private thoughts

Besides if you confess it may make you offload it but then you transfer your guilt to their pain,its selfish

But I know how tough it is,I told my girlfreind I had fantasized about other women,most stupid thing I could have done,1 week later something else popped into my head,keep on stopping this visious cycle

[Chels]

Thanks guys! Thats exactly what i was doing makes so much sense i was built up with guilt that much that i felt i needed to confess and when i did i felt relieved but then give it a day maybe a few hours and id be obsessing over something else! The only thing that scares me now is sometimes its not just the 'thoughts' its more real life have i flirted have i not i cant even look at a boy without thinking iv flirted and feel myself over analyzing the situation its going to take some time and emotions to stop confessing because i am finding it extremely hard at the moment i hope it gets easier.

[PolarBear]

When you wonder if you've just flirted with a boy walking by, that's an intrusive thought, an obsession. It just pops into your head. You really don't want that thought to be there. But it is. It's just another obsession that you have to deal with. And the way to deal with it is to just leave it alone. Don't try to figure it out.

[Chels]

Thank PolarBear i really love your advice it makes so much sense and really helps me! I was in boots yesterday and this guy was staring at me, usually i look away or look to the ground but i think because i was with my boyfriend and he could see that and he was still staring i was shocked so i glanced, then he didnt stop looking so i stared, why did i stare? Why did i feel the need to stare would he think thats a come on? And now im literally convinced iv flirted and i feel awful i cant get it out of my head. Its so hard to stop going over it and trying to work it out, i hope this gets easier? CBT yesterday was limited as the lady had to be somewhere and didnt realise so i only had 30 minutes with her, not even that! Hoping next week we can get something in place to help me....