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I also have OCD I think....


Guest naru

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Hi everyone, Iam happy to see that there is something like this (FORUM) for OCD people...I dont know exactly whether I have OCD or not but I have many similar symptoms. I study my Master's in a premier institution in INDIA. I have been suffering from many problems from so many days. Th e main problem is uncontrollable thoughts, bad thoughts, and mainly the biggest problem is I always look at other's nose. Iam trying to control it. But it is becoming more and more difficult. I know that one should not try to control it. But still it is becoming very difficult for me..This has been my problem for around 2 years. Iam happy to know that there are many people like me and I have someone to share such things. In India no one believes such things and if at all they believe they make fun, there is no support. Being in such a conservative society and suffering is very difficult. That too here in IIT (premier institute in INDIA) every one takes care of themselves. No one even looks after other. Only competition, professional aims and goals, etc..I always think about being perfect in everything I do. And this brought me here. Also Iam very frustrated of my career. I dont have any job and also Iam having so much and so many fears. I doubt everything. I dont have confidence. I dont tell this with anyone because I dont want them to make fun of me. I want some helping hand in some form. I want to know is there any Indian suffering the same way. I want to talk to such people. Also I didn't say this to my parents, friends and relatives because they will be worried about me. Especially my parents they worry a lot about me. Already once I have went out from my home on one issue some 7 years back. They have become very sensitive about me. They leave everything on me. Also I always repent for my mistakes, not reaching my aims, etc. All this issues have taken a lot of toll on me and my academic career. My Masters project and my relation with my project guide have also been affected because of all this. Also I want to tell one more thing. Iam very obsessed with girls, sex and sexual pleasure. I love girls and want to have sex with them. I see a lot of pornography. I have enough respect for women. It is just that Iam unable to control such things. Here in the institute I have known that some of them had sex before marriage while studying. In India as you know this is not common. What to do..?? I want to die sometimes but I know that is not the solution. I just want to enjoy my life. I dont want to study anymore. I have studied a lot for the past 10 years. No enjoyment only studies. Whatever I enjoyed is through seeing unnecessary things in the internet like nude videos, sex, etc...Oh god please help me. I feel like I will have an early marriage and have lots of sex. But there are more years for me to get married. I cant disobey the rules of my family. And most importantly, I dont want my parents to cry and worry beacuse of my love affairs or love marriage which is not at all unacceptable in my family.

I get hurt very easily. Due to many reasons like not gettingjob, not doing my project well I feel Iam unable to do anything. Iam unableto perform small tasks also. I feel like I want to get out from here. Iamalso a person I dont talk with many friends. Iam feeling like someheart pains, mental problems and depressed. Iam very demoralised and feeling verydisappointed for not getting job, not able to understand the project, thinkin new ways.I have tried a lot to settle all such things myself. Iam telling from myheart, Iam unable to cope up with the project and deadlines. It is notthat they are really hectic.  This isbecause I have a past history of anxiety, depression, etc. I fear, getexcited, disappointed very fastly.Last year when I was in the hospital the doctor said I may be pre-diabeticafter cross-checking my blood-reports thrice . I was shocked to listen tothis news and I was more depressed and I didn't told this news in home asthey will feel very upset and sorry for me.             My father is also diabetic from many years. So I think that isalso one reason. I can feel my heart-thumbimg every time I think a lot orsomeone scolds me or like that. My heart is paining sometimes veryseverely. I feel like I may get some heart-attack. There is a lot goinginside me. I have not shared this things with anyone. Iam a hardworkingperson. I dont enjoy a lot. Iam feeling sad for myself.Iam unable to reach the deadlines and Iam regretting for that. I think all such things are there. I have tried a lot to let go thethings.  I dont listen  nicely. It is because I have lost interest in my life for somereason and I always fear. Iam fearing  so much that Iam unable totalk, listen. I have lost the basic confidence in speaking, talking evenlooking into someone's eyes. I fear a lot that Ialways think negative-minded. I keep on looking at someone's noserepeatedly, then fear it that I have done wrong by looking in such a way. Ihave done this thing to many and many a time and this has made them veryuncomfortable. I never meant doing this to anyone. This has been my problemwith many people. All this Iam mentioning  because my heart is very burden-some. Iamnot at all a bad person. In fact Iam very weak-minded. I live with myselfonly. I want to tell you these things so that you will consider me in agenerous way. I just want to say the true situation to you. Iam sorry ifIam doing wrong by writing such post. I myself is in a helpless situation. Finally I just want to tell you all these things so that my heart will befree. 
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Guest Sisyphus

Hello Naru.

I'm sorry you're experiencing sich problems in life. I think maybe this is a combination of a mental problem exacerbated by cultural and academic pressures. I think a lot of these problems you mentioned are more common that we realise. Everyone keeps it to themselves.

So do you think you might have OCD. If so is there no support structure there at all for getting a diagnosis/treatment, or is this your personal choice because of the shame of it?

Because you need a place to start. Have you read a book called Brain Lock? It describes how OCD works in the human brain and gives examples of people who had it and got better. And it provides a self-directed therapy to get better. It's not easy though. Takes a lot of courage and effort and commitment. Some of us here have struggled with it.

As regards the sex, I don't know how old you are but that's probably normal to be honest. I think that being bombarded with suggestive imagery all the time and easy accesss to pornography just makes the problem worse. Maybe a good idea to try and keep those things to a minimum as it doesn't help the problem I don't think. I know how tough it is to meet women at such a technical university but presumably you are not trapped there? Can't you join some clubs, or even a dating agency?

You can't force these things though, you can't make it happen, you can only wait until you meet the right person and approach it carefully, with respect.

Do you do exercise - yoga perhaps? A martial art? All good cathartic outlets. These are all probably obvious ideas but I'm just saying them in case you haven't though of them.

I did respond to another Indian chap on here some time ago but I haven't seen him on here since.

I do think that a lot of the pain you feel is common throughout our societies - we are pulled in so many different directions, trying to make money, trying to please family, and it can do a lot of damage. We live in very messed-up times you know. Very far removed from how our recent ancestors lived for a very long time. I think our brains are lagging behind.

There's a saying I heard once: "you can't please everybody, so why not just please yourself?". I think there is some truth in that. Half the problem is caring what others think and assuming responsibility for blame. Tough habit to break but one we all need to break if we want any peace in our lives I think.

I'm sorry if none of that was helpful.

I wish you all the best,

David.

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Hello Naru.

I'm sorry you're experiencing sich problems in life. I think maybe this is a combination of a mental problem exacerbated by cultural and academic pressures. I think a lot of these problems you mentioned are more common that we realise. Everyone keeps it to themselves.

So do you think you might have OCD. If so is there no support structure there at all for getting a diagnosis/treatment, or is this your personal choice because of the shame of it?

Because you need a place to start. Have you read a book called Brain Lock? It describes how OCD works in the human brain and gives examples of people who had it and got better. And it provides a self-directed therapy to get better. It's not easy though. Takes a lot of courage and effort and commitment. Some of us here have struggled with it.

As regards the sex, I don't know how old you are but that's probably normal to be honest. I think that being bombarded with suggestive imagery all the time and easy accesss to pornography just makes the problem worse. Maybe a good idea to try and keep those things to a minimum as it doesn't help the problem I don't think. I know how tough it is to meet women at such a technical university but presumably you are not trapped there? Can't you join some clubs, or even a dating agency?

You can't force these things though, you can't make it happen, you can only wait until you meet the right person and approach it carefully, with respect.

Do you do exercise - yoga perhaps? A martial art? All good cathartic outlets. These are all probably obvious ideas but I'm just saying them in case you haven't though of them.

I did respond to another Indian chap on here some time ago but I haven't seen him on here since.

I do think that a lot of the pain you feel is common throughout our societies - we are pulled in so many different directions, trying to make money, trying to please family, and it can do a lot of damage. We live in very messed-up times you know. Very far removed from how our recent ancestors lived for a very long time. I think our brains are lagging behind.

There's a saying I heard once: "you can't please everybody, so why not just please yourself?". I think there is some truth in that. Half the problem is caring what others think and assuming responsibility for blame. Tough habit to break but one we all need to break if we want any peace in our lives I think.

I'm sorry if none of that was helpful.

I wish you all the best,

David.

Thanks David for your kind reply.......I was actually seeing in the list and almost everyone of them got some reply...I was also expecting atleast one to reply....Now Iam kind of feeling relaxed...Iam sorry but I was thinking there is no value to an Indian in such forums...Also I just want to speak my heart atleast in this forum..Iam sorry if Iam hearting anyone with my words.....Also all the day all through my life I was only pleasing others, thinking from other's point of view, wanting for money, other people's appreciation on me, so on....Its so nice to see so many people sharing their views, problems, etc...thanks to OCD-UK...actually I didnt find one such in India...here everyone hides everything...everything here in India goes by hiding...Yesterday was a great day for me as I surprsingly found this forum after I was very much frustrated and start searching for some ocd groups in the world in internet....Iam feeling some big change from yesterday onwards...looking life from different perspectives...Actually speaking I didnt find any group here in Guwahati, India regarding ocd...I may well consult a doctor but I thought this is much of a mental thinking...also I dont want to take any medications whatsoever...Also I dont want to share it with my friends or family...first of all they dont know what is this..secondly they may make fun of me...thirdly I am having the confidence that I can solve all this myself...My character is like very different...Iam thinking I will have to change it in some aspects...I have kept many boundaries and rules for myself...I think now I should slowly "Break the RULLES"....As suggested by you I will read that book...Iam 23 years old and I like girls and sex...the problem is no one in this world (except the forum) knows I have such problems...I think I should start discussing atleast with my friends as they speak such things very commonly without thinking any further...that is one good thing here...only I was being shy...I act before them as if all this is rubbish, as if i dont know any of these things related to sex....I have seen enough but yet I act....I think I need to be honest in my life...one big point I learnt here in the forum...

There are clubs but you know..Iam doing my Masters (in a IIT) and there are very few girls, the ones present are already heavily loaded with boyfriends...so I dont get a chance...as far as dating agency is concerned no such thing I know here..I think it doesnt exist here...I just want to talk to a girl of age less than me (around 20-22 years) regarding sex, puberty, etc....how is life is going with her that too preferably online...Because I cant afford for marriage as my family iss very strict and also I dont want my parents to suffer...there is this caste system here...My family never allows anyone to have love marriage or sex before marriage, all such things...So thats why I prefer some online female to just have fun, time pass,....If possible can you suggest me one...I have tried some websites but everywhere there is this money issue (which I cant afford presently).....I do exercise but not regularly...Iam thinking to make it a habit..yoga I was doing previously...so I can start it slowly...

Really I agree with your ideas...thanks David...can you please provide your facebook account...I just wanna see your photo...

My fb account email: lordsantoshkumar@gmail.com (gmail)

FB name:Santosh Kumar Narahari........

Also I believe all the above issues my ocd, problems, etc...will not be known to my family or friends...Sorry if Iam saying such thing but somehow I am just asking...

Thank you very much......

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Guest Sisyphus

Hi Naru,

No, sometimes it happens - things not getting responded to on here. I have noticed if men talk about sexual things, sometimes these get left. I wonder if it's because women tend to answer women's sexual queries and men are reluctant to get involved in sexual conversations? Just a theory. So I have noticed these can go unanswered here.

I'm sorry to hear about the culture of hiding problems in India. In some ways this doesn't surprise me from what I heard off some Indian guys here, but I had thought India was changing rapidly now, so I'm surprised to hear that's still the case. I guess it's a big country though and there will be a lot of variation between different places. Thinking about it though, I believe it was very similar here with my parents' generation and beyond, so perhaps it's not so unusual.

As for this caste system, well, I've heard it causes a lot of problems there, as does arranged marriages. I can only guess these phenomena will be challenged by current and coming generations until they are wiped out.

I went to a similar technical university and to be honest I made as much effort to stay away from the place as possible - I lived with people from other universities and socialised with them, joined their clubs, so I would advise you to do the same if possible. There are some extremely gifted guys at these technical institutes but boy oh boy the social life majorly sucks - and women ... forget about it! So if you're interested in a girlfriend I seriously wouldn't waste your time looking there. Sorry to hear there are no dating agencies there. Perhaps clubs or sporting activities away from your university is a good idea to expand your horizons? I mean it's possible you could meet somebody that way, no guarantees obviously. I'm afraid I can't suggest a website for meeting women like you asked about. I don't do that online. In truth I've been living the existence of a monk of late so all that's gone out of the window anyway ;)

Oh and I'm afraid I don't do Facebook/Twitter/smart phones or any of that either. I'm just against the whole social networking mindset so this and another forum are really the extent of my online "social" activity. I think I'm a little paranoid about putting too much info about myself online if you know what I mean. I think this is a mistake but maybe that's paranoia.

Some people here are against taking medication so you're not alone there. For the time being I have opted not to take medication, but if I fail to overcome OCD without medication I may try medication as a temporary measure at some point.

Maybe it's possible to overcome OCD with just a book like Brain Lock. I think it would take focus and solid commitment to the therapy laid out in the book. But I'm sure it's possible. But if not, you need to explore other ways of getting help if possible. It's amazing there's no support for OCD there. That must mean 1 in 50 people over there are either unaware they have it or are dealing with it alone. Hey maybe you could start a support group there? Perhaps thats too big a challenge to the culture and wouldn't be allowed though?

All the best,

David.

Edited by Sisyphus
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Its ok, atlteast we did our work...Thanks for your suggestions on girl finding...I will do that...Hope your life as of a monk is not boring....Hope you are enjoying it in some or other way...Its ok to share about ourselves truly and completely..I believe it solidfies the connection bond between two individuals...Recently I found one such ocd group in Bangalore...Iam in touch with that also...They were also very helping in nature....I have found one common thing in all ours qualities....We ocd people are very kind and helping in nature...we understand others problems no matter small or big, silly or serious, .....

I think there are people here also suffering but they themselves dont know what it is...they are just helpless...people here are not so much health-conscious or well educated about health, medical, and mental aspects. But slowly I hope that changes...

Starting a support group is a good idea...I may look into it later...But for now Iam taking care of myselves...Actually Iam feeling like I got the solution of these all problems like ocd, etc...of mine. Only way is I have to change my attitude...Rather than criticising my family, society, etc...I am slowly realising that unless until I mention my problems to someone sincerely, they cant help me...They (here in India) are ready to accept the things once they understand...Iam thinking that everything starts from me...the way I look at the things...Iam feeling lucky as I have found this forum, my problems, etc...in an early stage of my problems...Thank you very much to all of you....

I will allot some time to my passions, enjoying life, breaking the "Rules", etc....rather than **** money, ******** goals, appreciations from others,.............

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Guest Sisyphus

Well I suppose a monk like existence is pretty dull, but I'm stuck with it until I get the best of the OCD. It's just a natural response to the limitations imposed on me by this thing.

Well I don't know how far Bangalore is away but it's good that something is happening there regarding OCD.

Maybe people who have experienced some form of suffering are more compassionate, I don't know. I think there's all kinds of permutations really. There's probably some really horribl people with OCD too! But maybe percentage wise, people with something like OCD have more empathy or compassion. It's possible.

It makes you wonder what becomes of people who don't know they have OCD. I think this happens here too.

Actually Iam feeling like I got the solution of these all problems like ocd, etc...of mine.

Well I really hope that's the case. It helps to have a positive attitude I think, which can be very hard actually when you have OCD or other mental problems.

And it's good to be able to open up to other people but beware, there is only so much a book or a therapist can do for you. I think ultimately we can only liberate ourselves. Like Morpheus says to Neo in The Matrix: "There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path".

Even as I type this I know that I am guilty of knowing the path, but not walking it. So we have some work to do, in educating ourselves about the nature of this thing and then, somehow, applying the wisdom to our lives. For some people it clearly takes a few different approaches, others say none of the books or therapies helps with their OCD at all. It's good to be aware of all of this before you start out I think.

I will allot some time to my passions, enjoying life, breaking the "Rules", etc....rather than **** money, ******** goals, appreciations from others,.............

Well I think that is great advice for anyone, regardless of whether they have OCD or not. The world we live in is very much centred around the pursuit of money, and that's understandable to a degree as we need a house, food, etc, and we are pretty much enslaved to study and work to have those things. But life is short and maybe we only get one, so maybe it's a good idea to try and cram in some good things as well on top of all that. It can be very difficult on top of a job and commuting,. especially if you have OCD, but it's a good idea to try.
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Hi Naru. I sympathise with what you're going through - my family were terrible when my OCD started. It's like a shameful secret that's never talked about, so it's not just your culture that has a problem with it. Of course you shouldn't be embarrassed, it's just an illness. It's sad that it's not more well known in India, there must be loads of people who are suffering in silence. I think it's a great idea to start a support group. It could really help you (and you might meet some women).

I also don't like the idea of taking any medication. I've had several doctors trying to get me to take anti depressants but I've always refused. I've had some good cognitive behavioural therapy and my OCD has improved without any meds. I should say I'm not against it if people think they need it, it's a personal decision.

I hope you can get some support from this forum. If you have any questions or want to chat to people you'd be better off posting it on the main forum. No question would be too personal, people frequently talk about sex and all sorts.

David - I'm glad I'm not the only person who can't stand facebook and all that. I can't believe how much personal info people are willing to share! Ha, I bet you're over 30 same as me.

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Guest Sisyphus

David - I'm glad I'm not the only person who can't stand facebook and all that. I can't believe how much personal info people are willing to share! Ha, I bet you're over 30 same as me.

Yeah you guessed it L. I'm the answer to life the universe and everything :(

I can see it could have its uses for certain things, but much like the internet, those legitimate uses seem to take up 0.1% of it and the rest is just people narrating their lives, having affairs with old school friends and ####ing about at work as far as I can tell! Oh and advertising of course.

God I sound like s sad old ####. This is probably what people my age used to say about, I dunno, youth club when I was a kid. Getting older really sucks.

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It's sad that it's not more well known in India, there must be loads of people who are suffering in silence. I think it's a great idea to start a support group. It could really help you (and you might meet some women).

Yaah "legalseagull" its a good idea...I will think about it...

Thanks for your suggestion to open up about anything in the "forum"....

If I ever come to England (which according to my present status is highly impossible) I will definitely meet you guyz....You are awesome....

I wonder sometimes (no offense meant) it would have been better if India stayed under the "Crown" (under U.K.) after the independence....We would have been somewhere near to Australia or Canada (in knowledge, development, freedom to speak, etc......)........Now I think we (Indians) are nowhere....without any direction,.....hanging between spirituality and technology, democracy and lack of freedom of speech, etc..........

thanks anyway.........

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Guest Sisyphus

Yaah "legalseagull" its a good idea...I will think about it...

Thanks for your suggestion to open up about anything in the "forum"....

If I ever come to England (which according to my present status is highly impossible) I will definitely meet you guyz....You are awesome....

I wonder sometimes (no offense meant) it would have been better if India stayed under the "Crown" (under U.K.) after the independence....We would have been somewhere near to Australia or Canada (in knowledge, development, freedom to speak, etc......)........Now I think we (Indians) are nowhere....without any direction,.....hanging between spirituality and technology, democracy and lack of freedom of speech, etc..........

thanks anyway.........

I've never been to India, but it seems a complex place. I guess not many Indians would have supported India staying under the crown after independence. I think being colonised is unpleasant to be on the end of anyway you cut it so it's normal for people to want their independence back. But the whole thing is messy. No one can say how the country would have turned out without that etc. Surely India is very much on the rise now, with a growing economy, military might etc? We're always hearing about how India and China are on the rise. The economy here is in very bad shape I'm afraid, unless you're a con man or wheeler dealer. I think I'll come and start a business there.
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Growing eceonomy is correct as there is a growing population and also there is an abundant population...

"You are always welcome"...We need here lots of investments from developed countries....

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Guest Sisyphus

Growing eceonomy is correct as there is a growing population and also there is an abundant population...

"You are always welcome"...We need here lots of investments from developed countries....

Right I'll be opening a Fish n Chip shop somewhere near you soon ;)
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