Has this ever happened to you?

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I suffer from POCD. I'm getting this weird feeling lately and I don't know what to make of it. I feel as if I

know I want to be with kids and don't want to be with adults. In fact, I can't even say I don't want to be

with adults anymore.

[Caramoole]

What are you hoping to do with the answer 9?

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

Seek relief.

[Caramoole]

Seek relief.

For how long though? 5 minutes, and hour, 3 hours? .......and then what, seek more reassurance to get a tiny window of relief?

Is it really worth that tiny moment of reprise when it's a compulsion that's actually helping cement an (already problem) in place?

It would be so easy....in fact much easier for me (or anyone else) to say "There, there......it'll be okay, you're a good person" ....will it help your progress? :nope: Not a bit....it's like feeding you poison.

I really, really feel for you No.9.....I know how very frightening and real this seems to you when it strikes....but I also know that you actually DO know what's going on here, you do know it's an OCD strike.....you just get scared by it.

So do you understand you've got to look hard at trying to work out a different response to try and handle these OCD strikes?

Asking for reassurance is the most understandable reaction in the World.....but it's not the right one, it's not the one that will help you move forward, is it?

We have to sit with that anxiety sometimes....hating it perhaps, being terrified.....but seeing it through. You will feel absolute terror, you will be anxious....but you won't die, you won't commit any harm, you WILL survive.....and each time you do this you will claim some power back.

Every time you use the "Help someone, make me feel safe" mode.....I hand responsibility to someone else, you tie yourself deeper into the control of OCD.

I know it's scary....but you can survive these episodes, no matter how hard. Do you want to be here every day for the next ten years asking "Please someone tell me I'm okay" or do you want to build on your knowledge and skills to get through these episodes, survive them and inch forward.

I know it's tough......but at least the anxiety you feel is because you're fighting and moving forward. Seeking and receiving reassurance isn't stopping your anxiety (apart from a small moment) if you're going to be anxious....make it count, do it whilst defying these intrusive thoughts.

Caramoole

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

For how long though? 5 minutes, and hour, 3 hours? .......and then what, seek more reassurance to get a tiny window of relief?

Is it really worth that tiny moment of reprise when it's a compulsion that's actually helping cement an (already problem) in place?

It would be so easy....in fact much easier for me (or anyone else) to say "There, there......it'll be okay, you're a good person" ....will it help your progress? :nope: Not a bit....it's like feeding you poison.

I really, really feel for you No.9.....I know how very frightening and real this seems to you when it strikes....but I also know that you actually DO know what's going on here, you do know it's an OCD strike.....you just get scared by it.

So do you understand you've got to look hard at trying to work out a different response to try and handle these OCD strikes?

Asking for reassurance is the most understandable reaction in the World.....but it's not the right one, it's not the one that will help you move forward, is it?

We have to sit with that anxiety sometimes....hating it perhaps, being terrified.....but seeing it through. You will feel absolute terror, you will be anxious....but you won't die, you won't commit any harm, you WILL survive.....and each time you do this you will claim some power back.

Every time you use the "Help someone, make me feel safe" mode.....I hand responsibility to someone else, you tie yourself deeper into the control of OCD.

I know it's scary....but you can survive these episodes, no matter how hard. Do you want to be here every day for the next ten years asking "Please someone tell me I'm okay" or do you want to build on your knowledge and skills to get through these episodes, survive them and inch forward.

I know it's tough......but at least the anxiety you feel is because you're fighting and moving forward. Seeking and receiving reassurance isn't stopping your anxiety (apart from a small moment) if you're going to be anxious....make it count, do it whilst defying these intrusive thoughts.

Caramoole

While I feel as if I only want to be with kids and don't want to be with adults, I somehow remain calm which makes me feel like I want it...

[Caramoole]

While I feel as if I only want to be with kids and don't want to be with adults, I somehow remain calm which makes me feel like I want it...

If you read through the books you'll find that this is a very common experience. In actual fact it's a sign of improvement in that you are beginning to habituate and not respond with anxiety. As with many sufferers, the lack of reaction seems scary because we misinterpret this lack of response as us not being bothered, and that worries people. It isn't anything to worry about, it's a positive sign.

But there are a lot of questions in my earlier post that you need to re-read and really consider. Do you want to be here for the next ten years seeking moments of reassurance or are you going to work hard at cutting down these compulsions so that you can continue to improve? OCD is a tough enough opponent even when you're doing things via the rule book.....if you don't, it will wind hands down every single time.

Caramoole

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

If you read through the books you'll find that this is a very common experience. In actual fact it's a sign of improvement in that you are beginning to habituate and not respond with anxiety. As with many sufferers, the lack of reaction seems scary because we misinterpret this lack of response as us not being bothered, and that worries people. It isn't anything to worry about, it's a positive sign.

But there are a lot of questions in my earlier post that you need to re-read and really consider. Do you want to be here for the next ten years seeking moments of reassurance or are you going to work hard at cutting down these compulsions so that you can continue to improve? OCD is a tough enough opponent even when you're doing things via the rule book.....if you don't, it will wind hands down every single time.

Caramoole

I know you are right. I also understand perfectly what OCD does to people, using its tactics to trick people. I want to enjoy life and make the best of it without this controlling me. I don't want to keep doing this but the feelings feel so real. And the doubt is massive. It feels like I'm okay with being attracted to kids. It feels like I don't want to be attracted to adults anymore. In fact, I can't even say that I want to be attracted to adults anymore. It feels like I actually want to be with kids only! Very confusing. It feels like I'm in some kind of denial, like I know somehow I am a pedophile and having feelings for kids. I'm not sure you get what I want to say.

[PolarBear]

You are reaching the same point as Eric Dave is in, only with a different OCD theme.

You are working hard to convince yourself that your OCD obsessions are true, while ignoring the advice given of how to proceed along in recovery. You are on a dangerous path and it will only get worse for you if you do not change.

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

You are reaching the same point as Eric Dave is in, only with a different OCD theme.

You are working hard to convince yourself that your OCD obsessions are true, while ignoring the advice given of how to proceed along in recovery. You are on a dangerous path and it will only get worse for you if you do not change.

That's what my therapist told me, PolarBear. She said that I'm doing my utmost best to convince myself I'm truly a pedophile when all the facts state otherwise. And I guess she's right, especially knowing how much she knows about both OCD and pedophilia. I will try to work on it. I was doing so well but I guess there will always be those small relapses. In all honesty, I do feel better but the urge to seek reassurance is still there so I need to work on it to resist it.

It just feels like I want to be with kids and deep down I know this. Almost to the point that I feel like I'm in some kind of denial. And the fact that I feel like I do not want to be with adults while feeling okay with it confuses me. But I guess I will have to live with the doubt.

[PolarBear]

The last paragraph in the post above, except for the last sentence, is ruminating. That's what ruminating is -- going over something in your head, time and time again.

Stop telling yourself these things. They will only keep you stuck where you are.

[Caramoole]

I'm not sure you get what I want to say.

I get it completely and what I said still stands true

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

I get it completely and what I said still stands true

I get it completely and what I said still stands true

You are right, PolarBear. I was ruminating, I admit that. I was only trying to seek reassurance, I admit that as well.I will try to sit with these feelings even though they make me feel like I'm attracted to kids. OCD has robbed me of doing so many things in my life and I'm only 19. There's this person who's interested in going out with me and I think I should be happy for that. It's amazing how OCD can make you feel like you want to be attracted to kids while making you feel like you don't want to be with adults! Thanks xxxx

[Ascend]

You're only 19. You can live most of your life OCD free if you put in the work. Some people have taken decades to realise they can get better from this disorder.

[Guest OCDsufferer9]

You're only 19. You can live most of your life OCD free if you put in the work. Some people have taken decades to realise they can get better from this disorder.

I will try my best, Ascend. I will make an appointment with my therapist and will work with her routinely. Unfortunately, I don't go to her as much as I need to and yet she is sure I have OCD. I developed OCD a few years after being diagnosed with cancer and I think that is when I started being anxious. I know I should focus on bettering myself and I think slowly I can do that. I know I will have these small relapses but sometimes these feelings just get the best of me. Not knowing who you are and feeling like you want kids and NOT adults is horrifying.