Please can you help I am at emotional breaking point!

[Guest CED]

My son is 21 and has been suffering with OCD for nearly 7 years.

We have sought help which has been unsuccessful.

His life is empty no job, no motivation, experimentation with drugs and alcohol and i receive the brunt of his abusive out bursts. He is currently having private therapy but refuses to comply and has stopped taking his medication.

I am at emotional breaking point and our relationship is severely compromised to the point that I am asking him to leave home.

His girlfriend has emotional issues and has somehow also managed uninvited by us to find her way into living in our house which has caused a great deal of tension as they both contribute nothing in terms of financial or socially. Infact his behaviour towards us has become more hateful since being in this relationship.

He has no respect or empathy for me or my husband. It is like having a stranger in the house as he is unrecognisable as the son I once had and I feel totally devastated and bereaved.

We constantly argue and say hateful things to each other and i feel I have nothing left to give.

The real Dilemma for us as parents is that we know if he moves out we will be picking up the pieces somewhere along the line. Has anyone else been in this situation?

[Guest Gale1982]

Hi CED,

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Have you already asked your son to leave or is it something you're thinking of doing soon?

Also, what kind of treatment has he had?

[Guest CED]

Hi Gale1982

Thanks for responding. We have rallied and decided to ride it through as we realise it is OCD that is making him behave this way.It is not always easy as a parent to deal with this.

He takes fluoxetine 60 mg daily but goes through periods of not taking his medication.

He has at last found a therapist that understands OCD and is having CBT and aversion therapy at home.

His therapist is confident that he can beat this. It is a case of convincing him as his OCD is so deep seated and he has lost all motivation.

We hope there will be light and the end of a very long tunnel for him and ourselves of trying to get help for him and we hope that he can reclaim a life.

[Symps07]

Best of luck CED, he's lucky to have you stand by him :original:

[Guest Gale1982]

I've honestly no idea how my parents put up with me (and still do), but I'm glad they did.

I'm glad to hear he has a good therapist. In my opinion, that is the most important key to recovery. Does he have access to these forums per chance?

[Guest CED]

Hi

Yes He does but for some reason refuses to engage

Hopefully something will click with him soon

Thanks for messages of support it is really helping

[Guest worriedmum]

It is so hard how OCD affects all aspects of relationships. It can be easy for family and friends to get frustrated and angry even though we know it's not our loved ones but the illness itself. However, there are things that we can still expect... there are no excuses for not showing respect and it is important that he recognises his behaviour is hurtful. Our psychiatrist told us our son would still need to be told off when he was naughty... but we found it hard to know what was disobedience, what was OCD and anxiety at times! So we often let him off things which wasn't helpful really for him or us in the long run.

I think it's great you want to keep supporting him in any way you can, but it's also ok to try to set some ground rules... For example, if he gets to the point of being abusive maybe he could walk away and go into another room to let it all out rather than be abusive towards you. Maybe developing some coping strategies for all of you... time out, going for walks when things get heated etc. It is awful that really you feel you are mourning the son you had, even though physically he's right there. I really do hope that with time and good therapy you will see an improvement and that he will be able to beat this OCD.

Please also try to find time for yourself in the midst of all this. Take care.

[Guest CED]

Thank you Worriedmum

The last couple of days have been challenging.

But we have agreed a policy of not engaging with our son when he is shouting and in a high state of anxiety and just walking away.

This seems to help. He is apologetic afterwards which is encouraging and we know that he is really shouting at himself rather than us but it can be frightening. It is also distressing to see him in this state.

We seem to be getting on a little better as I am making a determined effort to remember that it is ocd and not my son that is the problem.

I agree OCD affects all aspects of relationships and it is very difficult for people who have not experienced OCD to realise how devastating the affects can be to all concerned,

The messages on the forum are a source of comfort and help. I wish I had engaged earlier.