bad day

[Guest penny0305]

Hi

I returned to work five weeks ago after a four month absence due to depression and old. I've not been doing too bad with my ocd. It centresv around my teeth and I grind and poke at them compulsively. I'm even bookedMonday to have four really old veneers replaced and have been dealing with it quite well. On Wednesday the boss called a team meeting and announced that she was changing all our patterns of work. I have worked there for fifteen years and have never worked evenings because I am a single parent and do not have family or friends nearby to look after my child. She has said that people who have always worked one evening a week now only have to work one a fortnight and all us part timers who have never worked evenings now have to work two a week. The atmosphere at work is atrocious

It has all come about because of three workers who everyone agrees are treated much more favorably pushing for it. My ocd has gone mad. I'm poking at my gums and causing damage. I Simply cannot work those hours due to caring commitments but my boss said today that my personal circumstances were not her concern andthen told me to leave her office. I wwas in tears and have been a mess tonight

All my coworkers who it affects are all really angry but are reluctant to speak out as a group for fear of losing their jobs. I just feel trapped and most angry because the stress has just set me back worse than weeks ago. I am scared because the more agitated I'm getting I'm adding more and more destructive compulsions. I explained to my boss that I'd researched my rights and that they couldn't just change my hours so drastically but she just pooh poohed me. I know I'm only venting but I'm scared how quickly my ocd is deteriorating.

[Guest penny0305]

I could really do with some advice. My anxiety and compulsions Are out of control. I can't tell if I'm finding new problems with my teeth or if they've always been there and I'm just finding them because I'm poking around at my teeth.i can't bear what I'm doing

[SaraJane]

This sounds really stressful and I am sorry it has worsened your ocd. Are you part of of a union or could you join one? I'm a stay at home Mum so I've little idea about employment rights and what support there is but it does sound like you need an advocate.

I was a single parent for about ten years so know first hand how tough it can get when ocd is also part of the equation. I don't know if organisations like Gingerbread still exist but I remember they was a guide on employment rights they (or another mainstream organisation for single parents) produce. It was really detailed - also the website might help and you could contact them directly.

I hope this situation resolves for you soon.

[Guest imalright]

Penny xx are you in the UK?

If you are, I can perhaps give you some advice.

Sadly my knowledge of anywhere else in the world is limited. Please let me know xx

[Guest penny0305]

Yes I'm in the UK. I just feel like my ocd has got so bad i want to die. My mum says it's just the stress of work setting it off but all i can think about is my teeth I'm poking them really bad and making such a mess. It's just hopeless

[Guest imalright]

Ok xx

How long have you worked there?

Are you an employee? Xx

[Guest imalright]

Sorry - I see 15 years!

How old is your child? Xx

[Guest penny0305]

Yes I'm in the UK. I just feel like my ocd has got so bad i want to die. My mum says it's just the stress of work setting it off but all i can think about is my teeth I'm poking them really bad and making such a mess. It's just hopeless

[Guest penny0305]

I feel so desperate. I feel like I'm going mad. I can't bear this anymore. It's a nightmare. Everything just feels hopeless now. I can't stop messing with my teeth and I'm terrified. I want to go back to sleep and never wake up.

[Guest penny0305]

I feel so desperate. I feel like I'm going mad. I can't bear this anymore. It's a nightmare. Everything just feels hopeless now. I can't stop messing with my teeth and I'm terrified. I want to go back to sleep and never wake up.

[Guest jayjay89]

Hey penny,

I'm sorry to hear about your current difficulties!!

Can you see that worrying/poking/thinking about your teeth is a compulsion?

It's when stress sets in that your ocd goes nuts and you do more and more compulsions. But the more you poke and stress about your teeth, the more anxious and stressed you are going to get

Wishing you all the best penny,

JJ

[Guest imalright]

Hi Penny

The work stress has caused a spike in your OCD. Remember, what you're doing to your teeth is a compulsion because you have OCD. The trick is to resist it. I understand how hard that is. However try and take it and minutes at a time and see how you get on.

Regarding work there are a few things you can do. So I can tell you what it looks like from an employee relations/HR point of view but you might want to call a legal employment specialist as well (ACAS will likely tell you this below...but an employment solicitor may be able to advise you as well) x

I would start it with a letter to your employer. Include in the letter that you do not agree to the new terms and conditions. This is very important. You need to clearly express that you are not in agreement with the new terms and conditions.

Also.....include in the letter that, due to your disability that is protected under the equality act, you do not feel that you are able to commit to evening shifts. Your disability means that you suffer from poor concentration, poor levels of focus and fatigue in the evening (because you have been battling with the symptoms all day and, naturally, in the evening - you feel fatigued).

Also - tell her in the letter that your caring responsibilities mean that you would find the evening shifts difficult.

See what her responses Is to that. If it is not a good response and you are unhappy you are entitled to raise a formal grievance.

Now....you should know that she is able to terminate your existing contract and offer you the new contract with the amended terms. And take care around saying 'no' at that stage as, if she's done it with a strong rationale and followed a fair process, you'll be in breach of your contracr if you don't work to the new terms.

If she does that you are able to raise a flexible working request (mention caring responsibilities and disability) and she will have to have a good rationale to say no to it it. Also if she does that, it might be worth seeking some further legal advice from unemployment solicitor as there may be grounds for constructive dismissal if she has not followed a fair process (i.e you felt that you had no choice but to leave your job)

Let us know how you get on xx

[Guest penny0305]

I tried telling her all of that. I even quoted from the Acas website. She just sneered at me and told me it was not her problem. My personal circumstances were my problem and then told me to leave her office when I started crying. I just feel ill with it now. I'm left in a position where I either agree or leave a kid who's only just turn 13 and is quite young for her age alone two nights a wk.i don't know what's real anymore. My ocd is going crazy. My mum keeps saying it's work but I'm just concentrating on the compulsions

[Guest penny0305]

I tried telling her all of that. I even quoted from the Acas website. She just sneered at me and told me it was not her problem. My personal circumstances were my problem and then told me to leave her office when I started crying. I just feel ill with it now. I'm left in a position where I either agree or leave a kid who's only just turn 13 and is quite young for her age alone two nights a wk.i don't know what's real anymore. My ocd is going crazy. My mum keeps saying it's work but I'm just concentrating on the compulsions

[Guest imalright]

Omg - I bet that's a happy workforce with such a person!! >:-/ sounda awful, Penny.

Step the approach up a bit by putting it in writing xx

I'd give that a go....let me know what happens x

[Guest imalright]

Ps - Penny - is there a reason why your child cannot be left alone for two nights a week? Other than she's very young? Perhaps have a think about that and add that to your letter xx

[Guest penny0305]

She is the captain of a gymnastics juniors team she had school phobia four years ago and I literally had to lift her into the car kicking and screaming.she is brilliant at it and it has been the best thing for her confidence. One of the nights is when she does it and i have nobody else that can take her. I just keep looking at her thinking i am going to take it off her

[Guest nervous]

Hi Penny, it sounds like your boss is a lot of fun. The good side you have to look at is that your ocd has improved before this day, and that you had been able to return to work, something I have not done myself. Having setbacks will unfortunately be something we have to adapt to. I hope you can see the bright side of this crappy event because if you can beat ocd here you will be much stronger. Some employers will be understanding and some will see anyone that isn't available 24/7 as an inconvenience and part timers usually get it worse. I know you have been there 15 years, which is admirable maybe you could find another employer that would appreciate your loyalty and maybe a little happier place to work to.

[Guest penny0305]

I am feeling so bad i want to hurt myself. I don't know what to do

[Guest imalright]

How are you feeling now, Penny? Xx

[Guest penny0305]

I'm feeling dreadful. I just want to hurt myself . I can't stop my compulsions. I can't eat and I just want this to be over now

[Guest penny0305]

I can't stand this anymore. I feel so ill. I can't eat or sleep. I just feel so alone.im off work this week for half term but can't stand the thought of going back my ocd is out of control. Just want it to be over to be honest. It never ends

[Guest joannna]

You'll get through it. I am there now too, very down and hopeless on the edge almost every day. But we' need to keep fighting!! It'll get better!! It'll get better for sure!! Easier said than done but try not to think about going back to work at the moment, try to focus on something else, even your breathing it will help you to calm down xx