Ridiculous form of OCD

[Guest Student22UK]

I've been a sufferer of OCD since the age of 11-12. I'm not sure what triggered it off, but I have an incling it may have something to do with being away from home for the first time on a school trip. The sudden realisation of what it felt like being away from home for a week panicked me immediately upon arriving back home. Since then, I've gone through a number of OCD phases, which include me needing to complete particular tasks before I can carry on what I was doing. From what I have read, a lot of people seem to suffer from cleanliness OCD, but from where I'm standing, I can see I "fit" into the intrusive thoughts category. These have been from more serious events that include bad things happening to family members (incidentally where I felt it all began... realising from a young age how life would be without family), ranging to the ridiculous where I find myself stuck in a trance, having to complete a task as silly as tapping both sides of the entrance to a room, and if I happen to touch one side before, I'll have to start again. All of this to simply clear my mind, and 'allow' myself to continue with my activities. Now, this has been a hindrance on my life ever since around the age of 15-16, where my OCD really kicked off. Since then, it has fluxed in it's intensity on my daily routines. However, since joining University at the age of 18, it struck at its highest levels once again. Up until this point I had found myself limiting these odd occurrences to roughly once or twice a week. Perhaps leaving home once again triggered the onset of aggressive OCD, I'm not really sure. What I do know is, is that it has affected me more than ever before. It has affected my relationships with family members and I fear it will affect my relationship with friends too. It has gotten to the point where I will snap at anybody who seemingly interrupts with one of my strange "mind-clearing" rituals. They have no idea why I'm acting so oddly, however a few family members are indeed aware of my OCD nature. I'm worried that it will only worsen, and I'll become so dependent on these daily rituals that I will not be able to get on with anything. The worst it has got was when I was applying for industrial placement jobs as part of my university course. I had arrived at the final stages of a particular hiring process which I had pointed out as my ideal job, as early as a year before applying. I was eventually told I had arrived as close as second-place for the role. At this point I was devastated. I had contemplated throwing in the towel altogether, and not only in the hunt for a job, but also my university course altogether. Explaining my disappointment to nearly everyone I came into contact with, I feel I couldn't possibly explain how badly it affected me. The accumulated time I have spent in the 18 months, since that phone call, must be in the tens of hours. I'm not sure if this was a deadly combination of depression and OCD, but the sudden rejection triggered a downward-spiral of thoughts that kept me from waking up to go to university for around 3-4 weeks (which ultimately affected my grades for that semester), as well as consuming 90% of my daily thought processes. To this day, I have yet to get over this, despite convincing myself that it was a measly job. However, it seems to have burnt itself into my mind and still triggers my OCD, and the associated rituals that I must call upon to clear my head. Ideally, I would like to know if anyone has had a similar form of OCD, and whether there is anything I can do to prevent this horrible routine from destroying my life even further. Many thanks in advance.

[Ascend]

Firstly, without wanting to sound rude, try separating your post into paragraphs if you want people to answer as it's really difficult to read as it is.

I wont answer your question about your OCD 'type' because it's classic reassurance seeking and it will not help you.

You need to try to cut down/ stop (if possible) your 'rituals'. I find that often I can only stop my mental rituals through distraction techniques (I'm still quite early into my treatment) such as playing PS3, watching TV or playing my guitar.

Find a CBT practitioner in your local area and start treatment if you haven't already. I had absolutely no luck with the NHS and had to go private unfortunately but you may have more success than me.

Take it easy and remember you are stronger than this illness.

[paradoxer]

Just a reminder, all OCD is ridiculous.