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Arrrggh. Don't know what to think.


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Hi,

So, from other thread I have been worrying about something that might have happened twenty years ago. There was a young girl who lived near where we hung out when we were kids and I'm scared we or I did something to her. My therapist said that I need to treat the thought as an ocd thought and let it go. The thing is, it does feel real and I don't know if I'm just associating it with other memories or whether my mind is making things up or mixing things up. It feels real. Can ocd do this? I remember feeling worried at some point when i came back from my friends but i can't remember why. Was it because we did something?

I want to label it as ocd and move on. But, how can I be sure it is? I feel horrible.

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Call it OCD and apply an involved distraction. Get busy!

This is OCD "false memory" at work and yes it does have the ability to plant thoughts in your mind that you willl believe to be real.

Believe that they are false. That is all you need to do.Certainty is not achievable, but belief is.

Regards

Roy

Edited by taurean
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OCD makes things feel very real I think! I've seen loads of people worry about "false memories" that OCD creates to make you panic and obsess over.

I used to panic that I'd injure someone while driving. OCD makes it feel so real that I might have actually hurt someone. But now that I've stopped obsessing over these thoughts. I know I never did, OCD just made me feel that way. Recently I've been a lot better with it as I try not to give the thoughts meaning. If I drive past someone I say to myself, "know I haven't hurt them. I can just carry on as I am." Then I push the thought away and concentrate on the rest of the drive, by the time I've got home that slight peak in anxiety has gone.

I'm pretty certain it's OCD in your case too. If you try and stop obsessing over this thought, I'm sure your memory will become clearer :) and you'll know for yourself nothing happened. Just need that anxiety to pass!

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I know I'm mixing some things up. I'm so scared we did something to ruin a life. I just can't remember properly. It's like I recall feeling guilty but can't remember why. Tgen i associate it with stuff. How can i be sure that ocd is filling in the gaps? Feels like I'm using ocd as an excuse.

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Guest jayjay89

Hi Binxy,

Unfortunately, the only way to get better is to accept the uncertainty - you may never be 100% sure what happened. Your mind and OCD are playing tricks on you.

It sucks. And it's really hard. But I wouldn't be advising this if I didn't know personally that it works.

Good luck :)

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Jayjay said it exactly right! You can never be 100% certain unfortunately!

It sounds like OCD could be giving you more false memories of guilt etc to make it feel like it was something real.

Try to distract yourself with a hobby or work! The more attention you give to this memory the more real it will feel :( and the more doubts you'll get!

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Morning binxy

Totally sympathise with you on this. I think you have read my false memory worry? Mine started though only days after an event. I feel exactly the same as you. I too believe I have mixed up a lot of 'real' stories/events with my memory and created a horrible image/event thats did not happen.

Great advice of everyone on this thread and I've actually been applying it and feeling a good deal better. That's not to say I'm fully better because I'm not and like you feel sometimes im saying ocd as an excuse! However by applying the advice from the others I've become calmer and do feel like I can see with more clarity how this could have all came about.

The key for me at the moment is really trusting what the other guys on here say as they can see better than us what is happening. x

Edited by Saz
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Being bombarded with feelings from my teenage days now. Very strange- I've not thought about those times for years. Everything that pops up seems to be supportive of what's scaring me. I feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I getting feelings of anxiety from things I would worry about at the time (I was a real worrier as a teen) and I think "well maybe you were worrying because of this horrible thing you did?"

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That's what I've been like also, saying to myself I must have felt anxious and worried for a reason but I deep down don't think this is true. I think we are pure and simple those types of people who worry far too much and think worst case scenarios. x

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Thanks folks. It's horrible. Twenty years ago! I know what you mean about the more attention i give it, the more real it feels.

Then you must start giving it less attention.

All of this us being driven by your incessant need to remember. You spend a lot of energy on that issue and that simply reinforces the obsession, which becomes more powerful and real.

The solution to obsessions is compulsions but at some point the compulsions become the problem. That's where you are at. You need to work to resist your compulsions

Stop giving this your attention.

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Yep, you need to learn to live with uncertainty or OCD will keep throwing more thoughts and spikes at you. Dont treat it as real, dont treat it as false. Accept that you are unsure. It fades in time. Anyway, even if you did do something, what would even happen if you decided or realised it was true? You cant change the past so whether you know or not makes no difference. Hence why you have to live with the doubt and move forward in spite of your anxiety. All things are possible, we OCD'ers need to accept and understand that.

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Guest Stormwave

Being bombarded with feelings from my teenage days now. Very strange- I've not thought about those times for years. Everything that pops up seems to be supportive of what's scaring me. I feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I getting feelings of anxiety from things I would worry about at the time (I was a real worrier as a teen) and I think "well maybe you were worrying because of this horrible thing you did?"

Believe in the person you are now, not the person you were then. Memories can be really hard with OCD, I suffer from false memories of the past. But now I just think, I wouldn't do that now, so even if I did to it then, I've changed for the better. Think of things that you might have done, and ask yourself if you would do them right now. If the answer is no, then they are either false memories, or mistakes you made which you have developed from. We all make mistakes, but learning from them is the important thing. So you either made a mistake and learned from it, becoming a better person, or you were a good person anyway. Regardless of which one is true, the answer to both is that you are a good person.

Edited by Stormwave
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Yes completely! That is me all over-I believe that's what happened to me. It's horrible binxy.

I once convinced myself that I had said something awful about a friend to another friend the very next morning after a night out. I know I would never do this but I can't tell you how real it felt. I had an image of me saying it! I worried for a day or 2 until it faded thankfully.

I think that the worser the thought though the more difficult it is to dismiss because it's totally against your nature and again I believe that's what happened to me. You also worry about consequences if it were true, its very hard to snap out of.

Keep distracted today and hopefully it will ease off. X

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Guest sloopy

Hi Binxy,

I'm sure you are aware but you are not alone in having these kind of false memories and OCD feelings. I developed the same recently as OCD tries to find a new way to strike you down when you defeat it in another area. The advice given by everyone above is only what I can say too. It only matters as to who you are now, and the fact that you're putting so much time and energy into thinking about what may have happened, is proof enough that you are not that person.

I would say that by thinking using OCD as an excuse, is the work of OCD itself. It's how it forces its way back into action by making you believe it isn't related to OCD then it can strike you down again, if that makes sense?

I know its not an easy road to be on, but you will not feel this anxiety forever, it will subside when you stop paying attention to it, becoming immune so to speak and at peace with knowing that uncertainty is a part of life.

I'm not sure how helpful this article will be to you, but I found it quite informative and it may help you too - http://www.ocdla.com/blog/memory-hoarding-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd-886

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The advice on here is great. Like everyone says you are giving too much attention to these thoughts by trying to remember. Plus OCD is trying to make you believe it's real and doubt yourself.

Do you have any hobbies you can do to take your mind off it a bit? You seem to be ruminating more and more, there's no "proof" that any of these memories are real. It's just your OCD creating situations to make this false memory feel more real to you!

It's like with my OCD. The more and more I think of reasons I could be contaminated, the more real it feels! I think "oh well blood could have got on me this way, I touched my hair so it could've gone in my eye." I try and convince myself otherwise, but then the more I think about it the more I can find other ways I could be contaminated, if that makes sense? It seems like a similar pattern to what you're experiencing. Like you're thinking of more and more reasons why this memory is real! Because you're obsessing over it and trying to prove it's not!

I hope you feel better soon! I think distraction is a good technique (either that or a nice treat for yourself, we can never have too many treats, especially with what we go through everyday!!!)

X

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Hey binxy I know it's so hard but please don't do what I did. I also had a 'feeling' which was most likely all just bad anxiety but it made me ruminate so much and then I got images/scenarios which just fed the whole thing so much more and got me extremely distressed.

Hope you feel better soon.

P.s I am by no means over my false memory/intrusive thought but my anxiety has lessened as ive took on board all the advice from others on here. Just remember they can see what we can't while we are in the grips of it x

x

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I think it's because I have been in girls rooms as a kid that it feels familiar but it feels like i need to be able to place it to be sure that it's not from the time i'm worrying about.

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It will be that. My main worry was that I was somehow in a toilet cubicle with someone but this was made all the more 'real' by the fact I was in the cubicle a few times that night anyway for obvious readons! Add to that I was thinking about stories I'd heard from others and an even horrible article id read about something which took place in a cubicle and BANG this thought isn't leaving anytime soon.

Sorry I hope im not gonna get told off for reassurance but I feel like when you have a better understanding of how this works it does help. x

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