Suicidal, can anyone redirect me to a site that may help or anything?

[Guest ex0shi]

I do have OCD, diagnosed and all but the obsessional thoughts i'm suffering right now aren't so much OCD so i have no idea where to get help for this. So in my last post people got confused thinking my main obsession is "What if i'm racist." Whereas i feel very racist and horrible in this situation, that's not my main worry. Right now i'm really obsessing over how my partner's skin isn't white and for some reason it's a problem for me. I literally cannot stop thinking about how my partner is tanned and it's having a negative torturing impact to a point i want to kill myself, i feel evil, vile and terrible because i love my partner, i accepted them for a whole year and out of random i suddenly have a problem with skin tone? When in the past i was perfectly fine with it and adored it on them? Now i cannot rid it from my mind that they are tanned, i analyse pictures and keep seeing a darkness and it's making me uncomfortable, i just want to know why this is a problem for me and why it's hurting so much and causing such obsessional thoughts when i find their skin beautiful, but if that's so, why do i have such a problem and why can't i let it go that they aren't white? I do not get it It's ruining me, i'm attached and madly in love and now i can't relax, breathe, function, i can't even distract myself without thoughts of how they are dark coming into my head. I feel racist, disgusting, suicidal. I don't know what to do to just feel peace and acceptance? Why is this happening Please can anybody help me find some way of dealing with this? I have no where else to go idk where to turn to. Every person i see i'm analyzing their skin tones now, this is ripping me apart. Out of all my OCD thoughts, these obsessional thoughts which aren't really OCD are making me wanna end my life, it's never been so bad.

[Guest PaulM]

OCD is smart, devious, and selfish. It knows where to hit you to affect the things you value most.

It will make you feel a certain way. But it doesn't mean you ARE that way. My main OCD issue is contamination. My therapists had me write down "just because I feel contaminated, doesn't mean I AM contaminated".

OCD makes it feel real. The feeling itself is very real. But when OCD is pulling the strings, the reality is different.

Please don't end your life. I've had similar thoughts. It has been very, very difficult at times. But it gets better.

[Hal]

Hi ex0shi,

Life can get better, many people here are testament to that, can you have a word with a family member or friend?

Have you tried the Samaritans, they're available on 08457 909090 but if the suicidal thoughts are worsening and you really feel you might do something, you must go down to your local A&E, they'll be able to help you through this.

Please hold on in there, you will get through this, are you getting any support from your GP or CBT therapist?

Hal