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Is this normal in OCD or true attraction?!


Guest OCDsufferer9

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I have a massive fear of being a pedophile. I might be experiencing what is apparently known to be as false attractions. I go over scenes in my head just to see how I feel and test myself whenever I am out just to confirm I am not a pedophile but there come times when I feel like I actually am attracted to kids. How is this possible? How can I feel this way? I do not want to be with kids but then how do I feel like I do? I'm scared :'(

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Guest lucylia

Because OCD can make you feel like you want things that deep in your heart you don't x but OCD clouds tht part and let'a you only see the OCD and not the real you x

Lucy xxx

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Because OCD can make you feel like you want things that deep in your heart you don't x but OCD clouds tht part and let'a you only see the OCD and not the real you x

Lucy xxx

This is so hard. Sometimes when I see a kid I feel like I want to be with him and it's so hard because I don't want to.

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Guest lucylia

Exactly .... You "feel" like you want to be.... Bit you don't. Trust me if you did, you wouldn't have OCD or guilt. U wouldn't be in here posting if that was your true self. You'd have no conscience about it and those feelings would not bother you x

Lucy xxx

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Exactly .... You "feel" like you want to be.... Bit you don't. Trust me if you did, you wouldn't have OCD or guilt. U wouldn't be in here posting if that was your true self. You'd have no conscience about it and those feelings would not bother you x

Lucy xxx

I wish I could believe that.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

You'll begin to feel better when you stop fearing being a pedophile. You'll feel even better when you stop checking to see what you are.

I know I don't want to be with kids, that is a fact. Otherwise, I wouldn't be so scared but then how come I feel like I want to be with them? It's like, there's something within me which is telling me that I like kids! :shy:

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Not quite the same theme, but I'm in a similar situation, constantly checking for arousal. It's idiotic, and I shouldn't do it, but it's the nature of the condition to get you to perform compulsions over something which you know you wouldn't do or attracted to. All this effort for certainty is exhausting. Part of that effort are thoughts telling you that you 'like' kids, that's checking to see how you react to those thoughts. Don't respond to them.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Hmmmm...I don't know, it's puzzling. I wonder what could make you feel like this?

Caramoole :(

What do you mean, Caramoole? Are you saying that you've never heard of people who have felt like me before? I was free from OCD for literally 5 whole months but I was triggered a few days ago and I've been compulsively trying to seek reassurance endlessly. Whenever I see a kid, I get this feeling in my chest like I want to be with him or something, but I don't want to be with him :(

Not quite the same theme, but I'm in a similar situation, constantly checking for arousal. It's idiotic, and I shouldn't do it, but it's the nature of the condition to get you to perform compulsions over something which you know you wouldn't do or attracted to. All this effort for certainty is exhausting. Part of that effort are thoughts telling you that you 'like' kids, that's checking to see how you react to those thoughts. Don't respond to them.

I have been through that as well and it was awful but it passed. That's OCD, I know that by now. However, these are way too much. In my world, emotions confirm who you are and what you heart wants so how is this possible because I don't want to be with kids?! But then how am I feeling like I do want to be with them when I see one?! :(

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I was free from OCD for literally 5 whole months but I was triggered a few days ago and I've been compulsively trying to seek reassurance endlessly.

Ahhhhh, so it's OCD......and there was me thinking you didn't know that ;)

Seriously, when you say "How can you feel this way", "How can it do that".......you do know. You also know that you've been virtually symptom free for 5 months.

Do you want reassurance to drag you back into that dependent, brain-locked mode again? No you don't :no:

This is a wobble and they happen......try and put into practise what you know......don't be duped, don't get dragged back in and caught out. Turn it around again.

You know the enemy....don't let it fool you

Caramoole :)

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If I had a nickel for every time someone said, oh but this is different, this feels so real, I'd be rich.

As Caramoole said, you're getting caught up in giving the obsessions attention. You're slipping down the slope when you should be working hard to claw your way back up. You're over analyzing the situation, ensuring it stays top of mind. Stop! Stop the compulsions.

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I have been through that as well and it was awful but it passed. That's OCD, I know that by now. However, these are way too much. In my world, emotions confirm who you are and what you heart wants so how is this possible because I don't want to be with kids?! But then how am I feeling like I do want to be with them when I see one?! :(

Its possible because OCD makes us feel doubt where we normally wouldn't. It tricks us and it lies to us and if it was easy to tell the lies from the truth, then OCD wouldn't plague so many people the way it does.

Many OCD sufferers struggle with the same problem you are right now, "If I feel this way it must be true", I know I have. The thing is, just because you feel an emotion doesn't mean the reason is what you think it is. For example, imagine you are walking alone in the forest one day. Its a nice peaceful walk, you are relaxed and enjoying yourself. Suddenly you hear a noise in the bushes, like a large animal coming close to you. You suddenly start feeling anxious as your body prepares to deal with a possible threat. What if its a bear you tell yourself, youre heart starts racing, and you start to feel real fear. A bear could be really bad, it could hurt or even kill you. You feel more and more fear as the noise gets closer and closer, you turn to run away when through the brush bursts...a harmless deer. Turns out you were never in any danger, the bear was never real. But the fear you felt, THAT was real. The fear you feel from OCD, the anxiety, the doubt? That's real feelings, but the REASON you feel them? Not real, at least not the way you think it might be.

So what, you say, I can't trust my feelings? Well no, that's not true either, you can trust your feelings, but not all by themselves, you back them up with the details and information around you. You back them up with what you know about yourself, how you act long term what you value and what you like and dislike. You balance your feelings and trust them when you feel "right" about things. The thing is, nothing in life is 100%, even when you feel certain about something, there is always doubt, that's just the nature of things. The reason that doesn't bother us is normally we can feel "certain" or "right" without being 100%. From situation to situation you just need to be sure enough. Am I sure I've washed my hands well enough for them to be clean? Well I can't be 100% but I'm 95% sure and that's enough. Am I sure I closed my door and locked it? Well I'm 90% sure, and that's good enough. Am I sure I love this girl and want to marry her? Well I'm 99% sure and that's good enough!. Unfortunately OCD causes us to latch on to that remaining 1% or 0.1% or 0.0000001% of doubt and magnifies it until we spend all our time focusing on that.

One of the fears I've struggled with most in the past decade of dealing with my OCD is fear of suicide. Now if you were to ask me on a non-OCD day whether I would ever try to hurt myself, I'd laugh and tell you know, of course not! I love life, and really I've always been afraid of dying! I would never hurt myself, its just not in my nature. Which may be way that's an area where OCD affects me. Even though I know deep down that its not what I want, the OCD doubts creep in. "What if...." any number of scenarios or situations start creeping in. I think to myself "If only I could just be 100% sure, if only I could PROVE to myself this isn't real, then the doubt would go away!" And that's OCD. For you its being a pedophile. You know its not what you want, the thought of it screams against very nature, you hate the idea, and thus it causes you anxiety. The "what if its true.." doubt creeps in and scares you silly. That's OCD. You can try reasoning with it "well of course I'm not a pedophile because of X, Y, and Z" but the doubt will still creep in. You can try to test it "well if I was a pedophile I would find this attractive right" You can try avoiding it, "well if i'm not around kids it won't matter" but you'll still feel the doubt. You can't get rid of the doubt using normal means, you can if you treat it like OCD and don't feed it with compulsive behaviors like checking and ruminating. Its not easy, because every fiber in your being wants to fight against the idea of being something (or doing something) that is totally against what you want. You'll be afraid that if you don't fight it that means you are accepting it, which isn't true at all. Instead you are accepting that the thought is OCD, and you can't fight it like a normal thought or worry. Instead you fight back by treating the thought as junk, garbage, useless trash that's only sticking around because of the OCD, and the less you feed it, the weaker it becomes until it fades into the background.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Ahhhhh, so it's OCD......and there was me thinking you didn't know that ;)

Seriously, when you say "How can you feel this way", "How can it do that".......you do know. You also know that you've been virtually symptom free for 5 months.

Do you want reassurance to drag you back into that dependent, brain-locked mode again? No you don't :no:

This is a wobble and they happen......try and put into practise what you know......don't be duped, don't get dragged back in and caught out. Turn it around again.

You know the enemy....don't let it fool you

Caramoole :)

So you tricked me to come up with the answer myself rather than reassuring me with an answer yourself? :p

I do feel better because I'm letting go, slowly, but they still do come. It's just that they feel so damn real, like I actually want to be intimate with kids and it scares me :(

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I'm just afraid. I know I don't want to be with kids, I would rather die, but I keep getting these feelings when I think of children or see children outside. It's like, a feeling that I want to be with them and sometimes this feeling is even more intensified which scare me even more because I see that as a confirmation that I must be a pedophile.

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Guest itsnotmeitsmyocd

Read the posy by dksea, OCDsufferer9, and then read it again - he has VERY wise words.

When in the grips of an ocd obsession, it's common not to be able to engage with good advice. That is because fear often over rides most other emotions - that is exactly what ocd feeds on. You have worked your way out of this before and you can do this again - it feels outside of your mastering right now but actually it is not. Make the choice to look at the good advice - despite what ocd is saying right now.

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I'm just afraid. I know I don't want to be with kids, I would rather die, but I keep getting these feelings when I think of children or see children outside. It's like, a feeling that I want to be with them and sometimes this feeling is even more intensified which scare me even more because I see that as a confirmation that I must be a pedophile.

Keep repeating the above and it will turn into a compulsion.

Take a leap of faith and call it OCD. Identify your compulsions and stop doing them. Force yourself to. You don't need to go over this in your head any more. It won't do any good.

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Well firstly I would like o say that I don't think you are a paedophile. I think that it is just the OCD at talking. Second I wold like to say that there's a difference between being paedophile and being a child molester.

Child molesters are people who selfishly exploit underage minors for their own fun. Where as paedophiles are people suffering with a mental disorder some of which where exposed to sexual abuse themselves.

Check this website out www.virped.org

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I just don't understand how at times I can easily say it's just OCD and at other times I feel like I'm truly attracted to kids and can't say for sure if I'm really not. it's like, at times the feelings are even more intensified and to me, that is a confirmation that I must be a pedo

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Guest lucylia

Lol I came here feeling ok this morning and to try and advise but after reading that being a paedophile is a mental disorder .... Well that's me off on a route of self destruct today!!! What if I have that disorder and don't enjoy being a paedophile but I just am one?!!

Lucy xxx

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I just don't understand how at times I can easily say it's just OCD and at other times I feel like I'm truly attracted to kids and can't say for sure if I'm really not. it's like, at times the feelings are even more intensified and to me, that is a confirmation that I must be a pedo

Unfortunately that's how OCD works, it makes us feel doubt and uncertainty. Compare your situation to that of someone who struggles with say, the doubt that they locked their front door when they leave in the morning. To you or me that sounds like an easy problem to solve right? You aren't sure, so you quickly check and now you can be sure. So why is it that there are people who even after checking over and over still can't be sure that their door is locked. Is it because the door truly isn't locked? No, not at all, outside observers and even the sufferer themselves can verify the door is locked. Which means that the problem lies elsewhere, it lies with the OCD which causes the person to feel doubt even when they have no good reason too. The exact same problem exists for you, OCD is making you feel doubt about being a pedophile. It's causing you to keep questioning, to keep wondering, to keep doubting. It's not you, it's the OCD.

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Lol I came here feeling ok this morning and to try and advise but after reading that being a paedophile is a mental disorder .... Well that's me off on a route of self destruct today!!! What if I have that disorder and don't enjoy being a paedophile but I just am one?!!

"What if..." OCDs signature move there, right?

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Guest lucylia

Surely a paedophile first getting these tendancys would be scared to even if they didn't want to be a paedophile?? Therefore it could simply be that I have an illness called paedophillia I just don't like having it and can't quite accept that I do ....

Lucy xxx

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