Can't cope feeling this bad

[Confused.com1]

My OCD is through the roof at the minute and it's getting worse. I'm over analysing every emotion i have and convincing myself I'm a bad person and heartless, Everytime I hear bad news I keep feeling the urge that I'm going to laugh and I don't know why.. I can't help but feel evil and it's eating me up. I'm having to seek reassurance all day long none stop. I keep repeating the same things over and over because I don't believe anyone when they say I'm not horrible:evil etc, how will I ever get over this? It's ruining my life and I just don't know what to do anymore

[PolarBear]

What you do is make a plan to overcome your OCD. Whether you decide to get into therapy or go it alone there are things you can do.

You need to figure out what your compulsions are and work on resisting them and eventually stop them. It seems a big one for you is seeking reassurance from others and yourself. That needs to stop.

Over analyzing is ruminating and that needs to stop too.

It will take time and hard work. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Confused.com1]

Yeah but if I don't ask for reassurance it will eat away at me and then I'm stuck with the thought that I am a horrible person and i can't deal with the fact I might be this sick twisted evil person who enjoys it when bad things happen

[PolarBear]

Seeking reassurance is a compulsion. It doesn't work. You think you're evil and twisted. You ask for reassurance. You feel better for a few minutes. Then you get the thought that you're evil and twisted. Round and round it goes.

It doesn't work. It does no good. It actually makes matters worse.

You will feel worse after stopping this compulsion. Over time it will become easier.

Tell yourself you just might be a sick, twisted, evil person and force yourself to stop seeking reassurance. That's the path to getting better.

[Confused.com1]

How can I possibly do that when it's going to make me a million times worse feeling like this???? another thing is how are you actually 'diagnosed' with OCD? Because I think I kind of just worked it out for myself.. But now I'm wondering what if I don't have OCD at all :/

[Confused.com1]

Also 'if' I do have OCD, what is the best medication for it do you think? I've been on citalopram for two years and now sertraline, which has stopped working, in desperate need of finding something that will help. I know it won't cure me but just to take some of this away

[PolarBear]

Regardless what you do to get better you will have to eventually stop the compulsions.

You can be referred to a professional for a diagnoses.