POCD, freaking out

[Binxy]

I’m freaking out a bit. Last night I went to some friends’ house for dinner. They’ve got an incredibly cute 2 year old daughter and, despite my OCD, I sat and played with her, giving piggy back rides etc. At some point I was at the end of the table and she was jumping up and down on my leg. I went to put her down onto the floor and then my OCD kicked off with the “she’s on floor where the others at the table can’t see, this means that you can’t be reassured by someone else that you haven’t done something horrible”. I didn’t let any of this bother me too much whilst we were playing. However afterwards I was thinking “What if you’ve done something…”. She continued to play with me after the meal when we were sat in the living room and was giggling away. Last night, back at home, and this morning I’ve been really worrying about the fact that I can’t be reassured that I haven’t done anything. Worse, I feel that I might have done something and can’t tell if this is false memory or real. I’m in a real state now.

[PolarBear]

You're getting intrusive thoughts. They are causing you distress. You are likely ruminating over this. It's OCD. Treat it as OCD. Watch for compulsions and refuse to do them. Leave this alone and let it die of apathy.

[Binxy]

Just feels like I'm ignoring something important if I treat it as OCD. Makes me feel terribly guilty

[PolarBear]

Also normal feelings. Again, treat it as OCD and do your best to stop thinking about the situation. Put it out of your mind and the feelings will follow.

[Caramoole]

Just feels like I'm ignoring something important if I treat it as OCD.

It always does......If it didn't, we wouldn't have a problem.

As PB says....leave it alone. You know the cause, now you have to implement the rules

[Binxy]

Thanks folks.

[Binxy]

This is bothering me because it happened again on Saturday. I was over at my friends and their little girl came to me and we played a bit. Then I started worrying that people weren't watching us the whole time and I could have done something horrible. I'm worried that I just poked her or something in the groin area. Thinking about it makes me feel sick but I can't remember if I acted on the thought or not and it feels so real. I couldn't live with myself if it's true.

[PolarBear]

Stop trying to remember. Stop thinking about it completely. Put it out of your mind. Don't let OCD drag you into a bout of constant ruminating over a pointless problem.

[Binxy]

It feels so real. How can I be sure that its OCD, PB?

[PolarBear]

I think you know the answer to that. Of course it's going to feel real. They are thoughts coming from your brain, where all other thoughts come from. If it didn't seem real you could easily dismiss the thoughts and carry on with your life. That's why it's a disorder.

On a basic level, look for the obsessions and compulsions. You've got intrusive thoughts that you may have done something wrong (never with supporting evidence, it's just a thought). That causes you anxiety. In response you perform compulsions to try and alleviate the distress. It's OCD.

Take a leap of faith and treat it as OCD. Guaranteed you won't get better if you continue to perform compulsions.

[Binxy]

Thanks PB. I will work at it.

[Binxy]

Been struggling with this again over the last 24 hours- triggered by a thread I read. Struggling to accept that I will never know what happened, terrified that I did something wrong. Of course I have no evidence either way. I know it all came from intrusive thoughts but I can't tell if I acted on them or not- I can't remember. It's a horrible feeling

[PolarBear]

Stop trying to remember. Leave it alone.

This kind of thing is going to continue popping up and bothering you if you don't heed the advice you've been given.

[Binxy]

Thanks PB. I've got myself in a right state over this. So hard to let it go as it feels like I am ignoring something horrible that I have done. I was really doing well until yesterday too

[PolarBear]

Your choice is to let it go or continue to torture yourself over it for however long it takes for you to decide to let it go. That's your options.