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Hi all, I've rejoined the forum :/


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I'm having a difficult time at the moment and had to rejoin for a little support - a decision which I haven't made lightly. It appears all my old posts have gone, which I was hoping to read (probably not the best idea I know) for guidance.

It's the same old story I'm afraid, crippled with terrible doubt, worry and anxiety regarding the good old false memory! A story kind of similar to my fear has been doing the rounds and sent me into panic mode. I know I'm supposed to recognise ocds tricks but it kills me and you all know how I fail to accept the whole false memory thing anyway. I was thinking last night that if I know it's rubbish then why on earth am I so 'connected' or sensitive to it. What got me was people were commenting on how 'lovable' and 'caring' this person was (in the story). People say I'm a nice person (which I think I am, not in a bigheaded way) but it makes me feel guilty :(

Hope everyone is feeling ok.

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Hi Saz,

Good to hear from you, sorry it's not under better circumstances. I'm having a bit of a rough time again too. I hate it when I get triggered from the news. I had one yesterday from something on the BBC news site and it really hit me hard. I was really disappointed in myself for letting it get to me- but it did. I'm doing a little better with it today.

How have the last few weeks been?

Binx

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Guest Tricia

I was going to write to say how good it is to see you back, but that would seem insensitive after reading your message, but, I think you know what I mean!

Knowing something is rubbish doesn't make a scrap of difference when OCD hits us hard. Some of my false memories (some from almost fifty years ago) can still haunt me at times. Some are bizarre and yet they can make me feel sick with disgust and panic. And I know that my contamination fears which drive me to such extreme lengths are nonsense, and yet...

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Thank you my lovely forum friends, daisy binx and tricia.

Daisy thank you for letting me know, I know this sounds weird but I'm not going to look at them for now..but knowing they are there is a bit of a comfort. I don't want to go down the reassurance route if I can help it. Hope your well.

Binxy I'm sorry to hear your not feeling too good. I hope you feel better soon. I've been ok the past few weeks - up until quite recently. I am just so tired of feeling this way and attaching and personalising stories to me, it's like I read or hear something and I get a massive wave of anxiety and think it's what's coming to me. Sorry for the doom and gloom.

Hi Tricia of course I know what you mean :) I am feelin those things at the moment - panic, disgust etc...when will this leave me alone...Hope you are doing ok despite everything.

X

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*headbump* Welcome back, love. We're all here to help. It's okay to have these problems; just keep holding on and we'll do our best for you. I've been having the same problems going around my head the last couple of years and I'm at kind of a loss, so I can really relate.

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Thanks for your kind words cub, it means a lot.

I'm not sure if I've done the right thing in re-joining. I know I wasn't exactly away for ages, but it felt a long time to me, buy I just started get more anxious about everything again and didn't know what to do. x

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Feel like I need a boost or something, not the chocolate bar, I mean like some positivity, some rationality, some inspiration, words of wisdom... I am going to the gym now but I still feel blah! x

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Thanks Roy. I feel a bit better for getting myself back into it as I've not been in weeks! Think I might even go again later on.

Sometimes I feel ok, I feel ok now, but I can't get over the final hurdle. I was really worried the day I rejoined, like it all felt so real again. How do I keep ending up in such states when it's not supposed to be real?

Anyway I know nobody wants to give me reassurance as it might be unhelpful.

X

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I just hate feeling very sensitive to all these awful stories that I come across, personalising them to me and constantly worrying and feeling sick that they are triggering me so bad because its similar to what I think I could have done. If I could just accept this as just intrusive thoughts then I could move forward. Why can't I? What's wrong with me?

I seen something else earlier about a person who has done very wrong and said she can't remember it because she was so drunk...this gives me little hope to be honest because people can go crazy when drunk (or possibly spiked).

I will try to keep busy but it's so tough.

Thanks for the replies, I have a few good friends on here x

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You are hypersensitive and your brain is doing what is called "scanning for the thing you fear" . I get this too.

You don't want it to do that , but the disorder makes it.

We need to accept that this is what is going on - and it homes in on an issue found and makes a negative neural connection to our OCD theme.

The countermeasure is to understand that this is what is going on, note the meaning being given as the disorder at play - sit with the discomfort in ERP till it tails off, then refocus away.

Each time one of those negative neural connections is scanned for and found, this is what we need to do.

When this was first explained to me, I experienced such a release of fear. It was a massive boost.

Edited by taurean
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Thanks Roy, your really kind.

I'm feeling a bit upset just now, low mood and a bit emotional. I will hopefully get a good sleep tonight.

Take care x

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Is it like a guilty feeling? A feeling of unease? That left me eventually when I adopted GBGs approach of zero tolerance to running over things. If I start allowing myself to run over things again it returns for a few days until I stop the compulsions again. I don't know if it will ever be completely gone. Maybe it just needs time?

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Yes binxy the word 'unease' describes how I feel perfectly. I feel like how much time do I need though, it's been there non stop pretty much for almost 3 years, it can't be right x

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Bear and Binxy are right.It is the compulsing that fuels it - however distressing the feelings are, the way forward is not to acknowledge the connection to our OCD theme - sit with the anxiety whilst not engaging with thoughts or feelings,then refocus away.

Zero tolerance is the aim. When we treat the intrusions as "just thoughts" and don't buy into their meaning, they lose power.

So, as in all OCD, the key is to do this. Don't believe the meaning however repulsive or distressing, and stop compulsions of ANY kind.

Edited by taurean
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