I am struggling big time!

[daisy]

I don't want this to come across as self-pitying or negative but i really don't know what to do any more,i am so close to doing something stupid as i really can't carry on like this much longer! I am having so many accidents,the latest one tonight,i have scalded my hand,and it has all been for nothing as my partner refused to eat what i cooked for him,he doesn't let me talk about my problems,yet moans and turns on me if i don't,yet he doesn't believe what i say anyway,he is always saying he is leaving me,which makes my anxiety so much worse

As some of you know i have had a lot of problems the past 2 years,ie my partner of 12 yrs having an affair for nearly 2 years(i only found out by the woman last year),my dear mum passing away,plus my disabled son breaking his leg twice!

Well the upshot of all this is that i have now not only got Severe OCD,but constant anxiety and feeling scared all the time!

My partner doesn't agree with any of this,he thinks i am putting it on(i am trying to make the relationship work) but although he says he wants too as well,he is being so nasty a lot of the time!

I am desperately trying to get some help,but constantly being told there isn't any help,because of the cutbacks,i am waiting to see if i can be referred to one of the specialist services,but i really need help now!

I am sorry for this post,and i know there really isn't anything anyone can say,but it really hurts when i am trying so hard to overcome my problems and being told that i am putting it on by the one person whose help and support i need!

Thank you for reading this xx

[Markie1974]

Wow. You have a lot on your plate. I truly feel for you and pray that you have the strength to get through this.

Your partner sounds really sympathetic and understanding- . NOT. If I was in your shoes, I'd say bye bye to him.

[Guest lauren415]

I agree with the post above. I don't know how I would be able to go on without the support of my husband and family. You need a support system in your life. For someone to have an affair and then continue to be unsupportive would be enough for me to leave. It's up to you though.

[daisy]

Thank you both for your replies,I most probably would be saying the same thing but it is all so complicated xx

[Guest Stu.]

Being on your own isn't so bad daisy, ive been on my own a long time. Its actually less hassle to be honest, it sounds like your husbands driving you mad.

[daisy]

Thanks Stu,yes i agree it can be less hastle as i was on my own with my son for quite a few years,but my OCD wasn't as bad then and i'm ashamed to say that my partner had been doing a fair bit of the essential things round the house,but isn't as much now!

I am also thinking of my son who although is in a care home does rely on my partner a lot,so do i to take my son on holidays etc,but i think if my partner isn't going to accept that i am ill,then yes i agree with you all x

[Guest Stu.]

Thanks Stu,yes i agree it can be less hastle as i was on my own with my son for quite a few years,but my OCD wasn't as bad then and i'm ashamed to say that my partner had been doing a fair bit of the essential things round the house,but isn't as much now!

I am also thinking of my son who although is in a care home does rely on my partner a lot,so do i to take my son on holidays etc,but i think if my partner isn't going to accept that i am ill,then yes i agree with you all x

It doesn't sound like hes very sympathetic, then neither are my family either.

[daisy]

I am sorry to hear your family are not very sympathetic either Stu,both my parents although didn't fully understand were so very helpful and couldn't do enough to help me,I really do miss them but feel so guilty also,because of my OCD I couldn't do as much as I wanted to for them, still I just have to hope that they really did understand.

[taurean]

Let go of any feelings of guilt Daisy, that's our old enemy OCD coming out to play again!

Golden treatment rule - we are sufferers from not perpetrators of an act invoking guilt. The real villain of the piece is OCD.!

[daisy]

Thank you taurean,I know guilt isn't helpful but its so hard to let it go and not let it worry me x

[gingerbreadgirl]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad time, Daisy. It's a rotten illness Hugs xxx

[taurean]

Nevertheless it is there as a core one of your issues, and breaking free of it when it jumps in with its hob-nail boots on involves realising what I said, and why it is using this ploy (to cause maximum distress and fear of doing/having done wrong) and looking for support to help us to not engage with it.

Look no further - you have that support

:original: :group:

Edited July 30, 2015 by taurean

[Guest Tricia]

Daisy, I truly can't see your OCD improving (or your physical health problems) while your partner is treating you so appallingly.

If he wants your relationship to improve, surely he'll agree to Relate or similar? But maybe a guilty conscience will prevent him...xx

Edited July 30, 2015 by Tricia

[joanne123]

Daisy you deserve so much better than that. It may be complicated but what he has done is unforgivable and maybe if you move forward you will do better as it sounds like he is not much help to you either. Be strong you can do it let go and fight it I am willing you on we all are on here xx

[daisy]

Thank you all,i don't know what to say,it means such a lot to have your support xx

He won't go to Relate Trisha,he said he would when i first found out,now he says i just have to forget it!But we havn't really spoken at all about it. Maybe if he wasn't so unpredictable with me i may be able to improve,plus he is even now having a go about my Fibromyalgia!

But today hasn't been too bad,but there again i can't cope with all the ups and downs!

He wants me to visit his family(there are loads of them)over the weekend and stay overnight,and i feel so bad but i really don't feel able to,i have said i would go for the day,even that is a big thing for me,but not good enough for him!My head is spinning!

I think it may be worth a visit at least to go on my own to see someone from Relate they may be able to help i don't know!

It's when i see him with my son i know it would upset my son so much if we split up,i'm really not sure if i can tell him to go.

Anyway i know i have to make a decision,and again i can't thank you all enough for your support xx

Edited July 31, 2015 by daisy

[taurean]

Question Daisy.

Is that issue - he is good with your son - sufficient to carrying on with him, accepting his bullying ways and his lack of empathy with your illness - sufficient to stay with him?

If it were me, I might split with him for the likely benefit of long-term gain to my own health and well-being.

[ACE]

Daisy firstly I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through hun& being negative& having self pity is the last thing in the world you're doing you have so much on your plate& the events that have happened none are your fault,the OCD isn't for you to blame you're doing your very best I can certainly see.I say try not to put too much pressure on yourself if you don't feel up to doing something better leave it for now if you can,I don't know how the system works in the UK Dais as I live in australia but I say keep persevering with everything look at whatever help you can get because certainly you deserve everything you can get.

What do you think are the most difficult things for you right now entirely? :original: .

[Guest morgan941]

I have no idea what I would do without the support of my fiancée or friends. I am so so truly sorry for what you are going through, I mean that more than anyone could possibly mean it. Maybe bringing your partner to your therapy sessions would help? Often they say it's something that is good to include family/loved ones in

[daisy]

Thank you taurean, Ace and morgan,again I really don't know what to say,I feel so ill and very depressed and so very scared!

I have done a lot of work this week involving my OCD and also worrying a lot,about this weekend,as I'm sure all of you know how that can make us feel!

Well the upshot of it is this I have to decide what to do,whether I am going with my partner to see his family or not?

To be totally honest I really don't feel up to it today as it would involve staying over with one of them,but I feel I ought to go if I want this relationship to work,but then again I would only be going because my partner wants me to,none of his family could care less if I went or not,plus I am scared he will go off with someone again,if I don't go!

He has helped this week with the house,we are trying to clear it up,as it really is a mess,no-one would think I have contamination OCD!

I had hoped he would of gone straight from work as he is finishing early,but is coming home first,probably to have a go at me! I did say at the beginning of the week I would try and go for the day Tomorrow, even that is a big thing,but I don't really feel up to that either now,as I've worked myself up all week worrying about it and he hasn't told me what he is doing!

I am sorry I am rambling on here,but my mind and thoughts are all over the place!

The truth is I am feeling absolutely petrified, of everything and really ill,but I don't want an argument!

You are right Roy in what you say about the guilt,its just I don't know how to stop feeling it!

Sorry again for this post I doubt none of it really makes sense,shows what a mess I am in!

Thanks for reading it xx

Edited August 1, 2015 by daisy

[Guest Tricia]

Daisy, I think staying overnight would be too much. A compromise would be to go there for a few hours and possibly spend the night in a hotel (as I think you're more comfortable with that).

You say you ought to go, but that's not so. You should only go if you feel well enough. It's not as though your partner is as considerate with you.

You also added that you ought to go if your relationship is to work, but far more important for your relationship is for your partner to accompany you to counselling, and he is clearly not willing.

Edited August 1, 2015 by Tricia

[daisy]

Thank you Tricia,I think you are right,I am feeling more ill than I was so not up to going at all really,but don't want the rows either!

My partner still hasn't told me if he is going today or not,so I think a lot of my physical problems are to do with my fibromyalgia and the fact that I have overdone it this week!

How are you doing?