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Saz

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  1. Hi everyone its been a while..I hope you are all doing as best you can. I just wanted to come on and see if I can get a little support? My anxiety and worry is through the roof, it started last night, I read a news article last night and that made me think of my fear. I've felt quite intense anxiety all day. I don't get how I can feel well and quite ok and then back to believing my fear is true. Its bee horrible. Add to this I have just had a run in with a guy in a van, who spoke to me like a piece of **** just becausbe of where I parked (too close to him apparently) I said you could have just asked me nicely to move a bit more forward....anyway i was pretty angry so told his work college he had bad attitude and then I slammed my front door.....my mind is now telling me that he's going to do something terrible like petrol bomb my house or phone social service on me as revenge because he know where I live and seen I had kids.. I know it sounds ridiculous so please tell me I'm being ridiculous and irrational. He looked mad. I hate feeling like this at Christmas. X
  2. Thanks binxy. I really have struggled today. Its like I know what I should do but finding it hard to put into practice and keep the faith. That voice that tells me I'm a fraud is never far away x
  3. Hi all, Sorry to mither but I feel very anxious, not really been able to shake that feeling from when I wrote my last above post. I'm sad to say the feeling of living on borrowed time is very prominent in my gut and mind. I'm gutted about this as had been doing so, so well. I don't want to slip back to where I was a couple of years ago but I really fear I've just buried a real situation and now the years have gone by, its only a matter of time before I get that knock on the door. Help ?
  4. So sorry for the late reply. I seem to be so busy at the moment and also try not to allow myself to become dependant on the site anymore for ressasurrace, apologies if that seems ignorant. I've worked so hard to get to a better place that I'm scared to undo all my good work and go back to how I used to be. I am still worried about what I mentioned in this topic but I'm switching off from that for now as best I can and not allowing fear to take over. I am however feeling that delightful general feeling of anxiety. I had to finish work early yesterday because I felt a bit ill with it. I think its a combination of things to be honest. I'm struggling today. I'm almost feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm questioning things again, like friendships, relationships, worries for my kids and past issues and with ocd seem to be creeping in once more and I feel like im on borrowed time. I cant motivate myself and feel wiped out. Again sorry for the rant and I should know what to do but its so hard. Just feel a bit lonely with it all. P.s thank you for your replies above x
  5. Hi guys, sorry I didn't explain that very well. I written it in a bit of a panic. The app the government want you to have on your phone to say if you've had your jab...a digital vaccine passport...this app will also want to know personal details that has zero to do with anything. This is not paranoia, this is written down in black and white. When I say 'don't comply' I mean I won't be having anything to do with it (personal choice). It's scares me the direction this is all going. What's going to happen.... The thing is as a mum I am worrying massively about this. Where do I drawn the line between genuine concern and catastrophic thinking? It's hard not to feel concerned.
  6. Hi all Just jumping on to firstly say hi and hope you're all as well as can be. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything that's going on at the moment re this horrific situation we seem to be living in. My anxiety levels are creeping up and I feel I'm starting to think in catastrophic terms again. I've really done well so far and not allowed myself to absorb the thoughts of the way things seem to be headed, but a lot of things I predicted a year ago are coming true and I don't know what to think. My main issue is worry and fear over my kids and what kind of world we are living in and what will happen if I 'don't comply' According to the app, in the small print, they are wanting to know all kinds of personal Information, including about mental health etc and I think thats wrong. I'm not here to get into a debate as I know people feel differently about this, I just need some advice on how to handle this because this feels I've a very real and worrisome situation to me. Can anyone relate? How do I stop worrying and calm my anxiety? It made me ever fearful to post on here again. X
  7. Awww thank you all so much! You will have to bare with me if I take a little longer to reply. I dont seem to have enough hours in the day at the moment! I do feel stronger. I think the only way forward with ocd and everything that comes with it is to literally ignore it (as best you can) and to genuinely immerse yourself into life (very hard at the moment I know). I found that by doing this, I naturally weaned myself off the thoughts. I am by no means saying I'm free, and if I allow myself enough time to think about it all again then I could easily slip back down that horrific rabbit hole, but I don't want to be exhausted any more, I need to be strong for myself and my kids. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason or a purpose. I've since noticed that 3 out of 4 of my kids are showing signs of ocd, which I'm gutted about, but maybe I had to go through my experience so I could help them and advise them... Its just little things I've noticed with them and I'm hoping it does fade away but I'm keeping an eye on it and I am armed with lots of knowledge thanks to you guys. Once again, its been so lovely to hear back from you all. Hope everyone is being kind to themselves x
  8. Hey, its so lovely to hear back from you guys, I've missed you! So sorry to hear you're not feeling the best Nikki, sounds like its just a little blip and that you have been doing well. Just try to ride it out and obviously reach out on here if need be. You will be ok x I am doing ok despite all the madness of the lockdown. I've come a long way compared to how I was. I mostly seem to have a handle on things/worries/thoughts etc. I do have the odd wobble but then I guess that's to be expected. I just try to tell the thoughts to go away. This lockdown has made me a little more anxious than normal (I hate the lockdown and feel suffocated and feel we should be a to live our lives) but just trying to take one day at a time as im sure most of us are. I've also gone through a horrible breakup in the Summer from a long term relationship, completely out the blue, I was discarded like a piece of trash, so that was very difficult and I'm only just feeling ok from that. I've since had time to reflect and realise that this person was a bit of a narcissist and actually I ignored a lot of red flags in the beginning that I shouldn't have. Anyways, aside from all that I am actually ok. I feel quite strong and I'm focusing on my health, my kids, myself and last night I decided to come off my Instagram and Facebook. I thought if I can stay off that in a time like this then I'm stronger than I think I am. Dont get me wrong I may go back on it but a break is a good thing sometimes. How are all you guys? Hope everyone is doing ok in these extremely difficult times x.
  9. Hi everyone. How are you all doing? Been thinking of you all lately and about all the wonderful help you have given me over the years. Just wanted to check in really and say hi. Its been a tough old year (in more ways than one) but we crack on as best we know how. Much love x
  10. Hi everyone and hope you are ok. I'm really struggling today. I feel quite sick and very anxious regarding my false memory (which I hate calling it that incase its not). Everything seems so real today, more so than ever. Feel gutted and so worried x
  11. Thanks guys. Yeah, I guess it's just letting it do its thing whilst not reacting to it at all. Im sure I can crack on as I have been and not allow this to set me back. Really hope you are all doing OK. Miss you guys xxx
  12. Hi all, Hope you guys are all doing well. Feel like I haven't been on in so long (by my standards anyway lol). How are you all? I've been doing so much better. Honestly I can go for days without anything bothering me anymore. I feel I've made really good progress. I suppose though I'm going through that point now whereby I feel I've just suppressed it all. I do manage to dismiss this most of the time but it's hard you know. Sometimes it's really intense. The past couple days it's been a little more 'real' again, images come and go and I fear they are true flashbacks. I know what I should do but just reaching out I guess as sometimes I need that support. X
  13. That was a very interesting read felix. I'll be honest every sentence in that could be talking about me! It actually made me realise that there isn't one part of my face that I haven't obsessed over... I used to have an obsession with my eyelashes, thinking one side always looked more full than the other, same with my eyelids, almost forgot about my nose.... I've always wanted a slighltlt bigger, pointier nose! Who even wants a bigger nose!! The main issue is with things not being equal or symmetrical. I have wasted countless hours focusing on these things I'm ashamed to say It didn't help I got my passport pictures done this week and I couldn't believe what I was looking at! I felt so puffy in my face and looked like I had aged something terrible. Then today a friend had asked me to model some jumpers for her business and I felt like crying. I wear glasses most of the time and when I took them off I felt disgusting and thought I'm never not wearing them again! Sorry I know this pribably sounds so petty and actually I know this is nowhere near as bad as my other fear but it's so time consuming and fear it's getting worse in a daily basis. X That's difficult caramoole, I feel perhaps trying not to focus on things and spending time looking and analysing myself is a good start... I worry its going to take a lot to undo this way of thinking x
  14. This is a slightly different concern of mine, yet something that has bothered me greatly (and seems to be getting much worse) over many years. In a nutshell I am hating more and more the way I look, mainly my face. I am obsessed with it not being at all symmetrical, especially my eyes but it can be anything from my teeth or smile not being wide enough to my cheeks looking lopsided, to the wrinkles on my forehead. The bizzare thing is my focus can shift on a weekly bases. I am getting to the point now were I feel I need surgery or botox or fillers ...something I've always been against! I feel I know I'm being a bit irrational and I know also that I'm very, very lucky in that I am healthy (for the most part) and nobody ever said I was ugly but I'll be honest I'm struggling. I hate getting my photo done and can spend ages over analysing it. It sounds so vain but it's not, I hate feeling this way. Truth be told of course I'd never get surgery because what kind of example is that setting to my kids but I hate that I feel not pretty enough. Anybody else experience this? X
  15. Yes that is just me being me and thinking out loud, I question lots of things. I can completely see how this topic would trigger and worry people, my post above was just trying to put it in a little bit of context. X
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