Why does my mind go crazy during masturbation?

[NJ321]

I don't understand why my mind just goes crazy & get horrid thoughts & do odd things during it. Late last night I had an urge to masturbate, and I haven't done it in over 2 months due to knowing how my mind gets during it but I couldn't help it last night. I usually get this urge to look up women I used to talk to online & look up their photos to masturbate to them. Afterwards I always feel really guilty. I haven't talked to them in a year or two. Whenever I don't masturbate I don't think much about them, but during masturbation they pop up into my mind & I find myself looking up photos of them. I feel like a huge pervert & like something is severely wrong with me for doing that. Is this an OCD thing or something else?

Edited July 3, 2015 by NJ321

[Jedi Master Scarface]

Are you attracted outside of this urge to them? Do you wish to be with them?

[NJ321]

Are you attracted outside of this urge to them? Do you wish to be with them?

I'm attracted to one of them definitely, but I only know her from a forum I used to go on that she was on, but didn't really speak with her 1 on 1 outside of forum topics. But she's definitely attractive. The others I am a bit to the one, I guess because she flat out admitted she wanted to have sex with me but I didn't go through with it due to certain circumstances at the time. So I guess there's some sort of mental thing there with her. The other I'm not really that attracted to, but I guess it's kinda similar to where I knew she liked me. I just find it weird how I don't really think about them much at all, just only during masturbation they pop up into my mind. I hope I can stop myself from doing this again since it makes me feel really awful afterwards. That's why I limit myself from doing it much anymore since my mind just seems to go crazy with ridiculous thoughts & other things.

Edited July 4, 2015 by NJ321

[Jedi Master Scarface]

Well, at the risk of being told off from others, all you seem to say is pretty damn normal to me. I know I may be a lady, but I kind of imagined that this type of stuff is what guys would do. OCD is making you feel guilt over this, there isn't any good reason either, just your desires expressing themselves, it's absolutely harmless to masturbate at a responsible amount and as such feel free to keep doing this. I know that OCD may try and persuade you in feeling like a pervert but, to be honest, it all sounds normal. Ignore the thoughts, just keep doing it, I know you fear the negativity that comes from it, but the way you describe it sounds like a normal every now and then thing. Also, I say if those circumstances have gone away, I say go and retry with that one woman who wanted it if circumstances have changed, I mean, if you want to there's no harm if both give permission and they're up to it. Yeah, have fun, who knows. Don't feel guilty about it, stop giving those thoughts any time, Masturbation is a healthy thing to go through, I wouldn't judge anyone who had done as such. This despite myself never having done masturbation...ever, I just never felt any desire and I feel no shame in not doing so, but if others do, I'm never going to judge. I'm the weird one here lol, just try and fight the OCD trying to guilt trip you about the 'feelings'. Ignore those thoughts about why you should feel bad about being attracted to them as such, it's just OCD being a right buttface to you.

[PolarBear]

Come on, you should know by now what's going on. You're having intrusive thoughts. The timing sucks but it is what it is.

[NJ321]

It happened again last night where I looked up one of the women's photos online. I feel like such a creep for doing it. Felt like I could have stopped myself from doing it, but did it anyway. I feel like something is really wrong with me at times.

[raven]

I think it sounds like a normal thing to do. The guilt is ocd. When you get ocd about it, is there a worst case scenario that you're afraid of?

see if you can figure out where the guilt is coming from and then see if you can use that to expose yourself to the thoughts.

[NJ321]

It's just that I haven't spoken to this woman in 2 years. But when I masturbate she usually just pops up into my mind & than find myself looking up pictures of her. I'm just thinking she would think I'm some sick pervert for it. When I'm not masturbating once in awhile she'd pop up into my mind than it goes away, but in the act of masturbating I feel like I just lose control of my mind or something & it makes me feel really terrible.

[Jedi Master Scarface]

Stop thinking about it, just ignore it and move on.

[Guest Otloz]

You're on an all-too-common anti-reassurance trip here. People have told you to drop it an yet you continue pondering on about it. Nothing you will add to this will make it any different.

Besides, what you fantasize about is no-ones business.

[NJ321]

It happened it again yesterday where I had this urge as I was doing it than had to look up one of the womens photos. I couldn't find any so I just did it to something else. I don't know why I find myself doing this sometimes. It makes me feel like some demented sex pervert or something. I haven't talked to her in over 2 years now & she probably doesn't even remember me now. It just feels like I lose control of part of my brain during masturbating.

[Jedi Master Scarface]

"It just feels like I lose control of part of my brain during masturbating."

I think that could be said for most guys. I know afterwards you may feel uncomfortable but that is your OCD fretting over this. Ignore it, move on and just live your life. I used to feel guilt whenever I even just thought about a person I knew , thought about what they said or the talks I had with them. I felt like I was this kind of stalker type person and was constantly upset about it. But that is wrong, I'm not like that and nor are you. Just move on with it, it'll get easier and become a routine to just forget about it and you'll feel better. I know you feel bad when you do this but honestly it is nothing to worry about nor feel guilt for. It's normal to be attracted and desire someone and your actions are in no way surprising to anyone so start seeing yourself as a normal person who does normal stuff.

[Guest Arrow]

Masturbation is one of the most normal things in the world and any man who says they dont do it is probably not being honest, it does not matter if you do it every day or once a month. Thoughts and feeling do come in and out of our minds at this time and some may be of women we know or others may be of our fantasies. Everyone has intrusive thoughts not just people with OCD, it’s how we are able to deal with them and how we react to them is the key. When I have masturbated I have had thoughts of cutting the grass later on, :original: not sure how that one sneaked in but it did, but I just refocused onto something more appropriate.

You may be thinking of those women because you know them and can relate to them, even men in a stable relationship may think of another women they know when they masturbate and I am sure many women do the same. It’s likely even if you did it thinking of another women than you are, you would still feel the same afterwards because of your OCD.

When we ejaculate the feeling we have is amazing and we feel great, we can’t help that as our brain is flooded with a chemical that makes us feel that way, and that’s what suppresses the chemical which causes our erection so our erection goes down. Can you possibly take advantage of this time to get yourself focused on doing something else so you are not giving yourself time to feel the guilt.

Good luck, don’t worry and enjoy the moment and then refocus.

[Guest Arrow]

Sorry, hope my post was not to graphic, can't believe I said all that.

[NJ321]

Masturbation is one of the most normal things in the world and any man who says they dont do it is probably not being honest, it does not matter if you do it every day or once a month. Thoughts and feeling do come in and out of our minds at this time and some may be of women we know or others may be of our fantasies. Everyone has intrusive thoughts not just people with OCD, it’s how we are able to deal with them and how we react to them is the key. When I have masturbated I have had thoughts of cutting the grass later on, :original: not sure how that one sneaked in but it did, but I just refocused onto something more appropriate.

You may be thinking of those women because you know them and can relate to them, even men in a stable relationship may think of another women they know when they masturbate and I am sure many women do the same. It’s likely even if you did it thinking of another women than you are, you would still feel the same afterwards because of your OCD.

When we ejaculate the feeling we have is amazing and we feel great, we can’t help that as our brain is flooded with a chemical that makes us feel that way, and that’s what suppresses the chemical which causes our erection so our erection goes down. Can you possibly take advantage of this time to get yourself focused on doing something else so you are not giving yourself time to feel the guilt.

Good luck, don’t worry and enjoy the moment and then refocus.

It just makes me feel weird when they just pop up into my mind as I'm doing it. I guess it makes me feel awful since it makes me think about what they'd think of me if I was looking up photos of them to do it to. They'd likely be creeped out especially since I haven't talked to her in over 2 years now & never even met her in person. I only chatted with her online for a week or two. I think it's due to her flat out saying she wanted to have sex with me is what makes me fantasize about it. I feel like I can stop myself from looking up her photos, but when I'm in the moment it's like I lose a part of my brain or something & do it anyway. I don't know how else to explain it. I didn't go through with meeting up with her at the time due to anxieties of driving to far places as well as the car I had at the time not being reliable. If she lived right near by, in all likeness I would have.

Edited September 3, 2015 by NJ321

[Sodovka]

NJ321, sorry you feel bad but you seem to be seeking reassurance or non-reassurance; either way it's a compulsion. What is your plan for stopping the compulsion or do you want our help with figuring that out?

[Guest Arrow]

“It just makes me feel weird when they just pop up into my mind as I'm doing it”.

It’s not as weird as thinking about cutting the grass. :original:

OCD is making you analysis this too much, you need to do your best to move forward, you can do it.

[NJ321]

NJ321, sorry you feel bad but you seem to be seeking reassurance or non-reassurance; either way it's a compulsion. What is your plan for stopping the compulsion or do you want our help with figuring that out?

At this moment my mind is having intrusive thoughts about other things. I'm sure if this happens again though that this will be bothering me a lot again.

[Caramoole]

Do you appreciate that this is an OCD problem?

That's the first thing you need to get to grips with, that you're having obsessive thoughts and ruminating about them

[NJ321]

So, a related part of this problem is bothering me now. When I looked up a woman's photos where I was thinking the link would be of her due to the name of her profile, it's some link to some kid's profile page or something. This happened like 3 or 4 times where I kept thinking it would be of her, but it's of some kid. Now I feel like some pervert because I kept going on that page forgetting it was the kids page. I don't know how I could do that 3 or 4 times without remembering what it was. This did happen over the course of months though but I remember the last time where I felt something wouldn't be right forgetting what the link was, but I clicked on it anyway without thinking I guess. I almost feel like it's karma or something where it got me back for being a pervert for masturbating to women's photos online. It makes me feel like an awful & perverted person. The other day I had the urge to look up some woman's photos during masturbating but I stopped myself because I knew what would happen where I'd think of myself as a pervert. I just wish I knew exactly why this happens. It's like a part of my brain just goes out of wack.

[Symps07]

I just wish I knew exactly why this happens. It's like a part of my brain just goes out of wack.

I'd say it's more being 'influenced 'by your OCD.

Most of us might feel a twinge of guilt at looking at someones FB pictures whilst masturbating or feel uncomfortable at clicking on a picture thinking it will be of a woman & a picture of a child pops up, that's natural, but what OCD does is turn the dial up to 11 & blow the feelings out of all proportion. So that your mind starts looking for reasons to feel guilty "I'm a pervert", "There's something wrong with me", "Did I mean to click on that picture of a child?", "Am I sick?".

Naturally these are all troubling questions, so your fill up with anxiety pretty quickly, start panicing & start to think that they might be right. Your not confident in you memory, so you imagine all sorts of bad things you might have thought or done & the whole thing kind of spirals into a knotted mess where you can't tell the begining from the end & it all looks pretty bad.

But the thing is, like others have said on this post, the thoughts are not real, they are kind of like seeing a shadow on the wall that looks like a bear, when in reality is the light cast on a mouse. The intial though that most people would discard in a nono second & never dwell on again becomes like a vine that wraps around your brain & squeezes it with doubt.

So, to be like a 'normal' person & get your thoughts back on track, you need to stop giving these obsessions power over you & the best way to do this is by not dwelling on them when they come into your head, live with the doubt & eventually it'll go away.

For example, I was at home on my own today for my lunch & when it was time for me to go back to work I had to check the stove was off because I cooked some soup. Even though I was looking at it & could see that the dials were all off, I couldn't accept that it was safe to leave, so in the end I took one look at it to confirm that the dials were off & left the house. I felt uneasy for a few minutes but within being back at work it didn't bother me.

I'm not saying your anxiety will go that quickly (I've been doing this as often as I can for different 'themes' for a while) but it will eventually make it easier.

In fact, (just remembering) last time I masturbated, I got the image of that dead child from Syria in my head. Years ago, that would have disgusted me & made me feel guilty. But now I know it is my OCD & by not trying to shut out the image, but not dwelling on it either, it when in a few seconds.

Unfotunetly, you wil get some horrible thoughts with OCD, but, they are just THOUGHTS! :original:

Good luck :original:

Edited September 9, 2015 by Symps07

[PolarBear]

The reason this is happening is because you have OCD. You haven't figured that out yet.

Anyone else would have ignored the kids pictures and gotten on with their day. Your OCD is latching onto these situations and blowing their importance all out if whack. You make it worse by performing compulsions.

You should be figuring this out by now, NJ.

[Jedi Master Scarface]

Look, I try and search websites and end up typing in a link or accidentally clicking a shortcut to something and it turning out to be completely different. A human gets into these patterns and if something such as the computer instead sidetracking you to the wrong place can upset someone. Ignore it, this means nothing as it is completely normal for everyone. In fact I have such troubles with this very site because I get recommended first other ones when I used to get the usual site. Now almost every time I just click and I'm on a strange site.