Helpful Sayings Reminding Us What Changes We Need To Make!

[taurean]

Grin and (Polar)bear it. :original:

To remind us to find a strategy to tackle our compulsions!

There is no race - take whatever time you need.

Small steps can lead to big leaps.

The past is gone, finished. To be happy and emotionally and physically healthy, we need to accept, then shut off the past and focus into, and ground ourselves in, the present.

And let's not worry or have anxiety about the future. Let's set realistic sights and goals, plan for the future, but anchor into the present.

Edited August 27, 2015 by taurean

[Guest Tricia]

When I had an assessment at the Maudsley, I was told the reason my obsessions were remaining strong was because I was gritting my teeth and grinning and bearing it. Alas, I was never told how I should face the things I fear!

Your first line reminded me of that, Roy.

Although, given my mode of (un)dress, grin and bare it is probably more apt!

Edited August 27, 2015 by Tricia

[taurean]

Well Tricia bully for you for still cracking a joke.

That seems an unhelpful evaluation from Maudsley, given your actual difficulties.

What I imagine you were hoping for was a full appraisal of your troubles followed up with a proposed treatment plan. Perhaps there wasn't enough sessions with them for them to get to the hub of your specific problems - or the assessor didn't have sufficient knowledge or experience, notwithstanding the location as an OCD specialist centre?

I think from our number of exchanges I have some idea of how your troubles operate, but I am no therapist - I would hope there is someone out there you can get to who is, and who can propose a workable therapeutic approach - not the standard ERP which didn't work.

Best wishes

Roy

[taurean]

Compulsions are like "fools gold" - they purport to be valuable, but in fact are worthless.

[taurean]

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

This disorder tries to encroach more and more upon our daily lives; giving in to it will aid its cause.

[taurean]

To compulse or not to compulse? You know the answer!!!

[Guest ADD]

If you run again you'll be running forever. If you face the music and gently condition your mind for toughness with little exposures, mindfulness and acceptance instead of going with the initial instinct to run, then these things won't bother and scare you so much. They won't knock you over or chase you. You'll have developed a thicker skin and immunity to them. You have to think long term. You have to go deep inside and get in touch with your why, the strongest reasons and values you have that you could only fulfill if you beat the OCD and don't let it overtake your life. Then when the going gets tough you can remember that why to gain strength and keep determined to not run.

Face the music.

Strength isn't built in a day physically or mentally, though you have to keep showing up and taking some more pain training and conditioning your mind for toughness. Pain is the feeling of weakness leaving your mind...

[Sodovka]

Compulsions are like "fools gold" - they purport to be valuable, but in fact are worthless.

Excellent one, Taurean. A real keeper.

[taurean]

:original:

[Guest Tricia]

What I imagine you were hoping for was a full appraisal of your troubles followed up with a proposed treatment plan. Perhaps there wasn't enough sessions with them for them to get to the hub of your specific problems - or the assessor didn't have sufficient knowledge or experience, notwithstanding the location as an OCD specialist centre?

The psychologist I saw, Roy, was very experienced, but it was only a three hour assessment. He never offered me therapy as he said my OCD is too severe for outpatient treatment. He went on to give examples of people who have faced therapy daily at the Bethlem and who didn't improve, because they continued to do as I have been doing - facing the fear but with gritted teeth. He said that approach never works. Alas, he didn't explain what I should be thinking, but when you're terrified of something, it's hard to face it with anything other than gritted teeth!

[taurean]

Mmhhm.

Seems that in his view there was no point in treating you as an outpatient - because the disorder was too severe - nor as an inpatient, because others who "gritted their teeth" hadn't improved!!!

I have always thought the whole basis of psychological therapy was built around helping and encouraging people to CHANGE their negative automatic thoughts (cognitions) and resultant behaviours.

Edited August 30, 2015 by taurean

[snowbear]

The psychologist I saw, Roy, was very experienced, but it was only a three hour assessment. He never offered me therapy as he said my OCD is too severe for outpatient treatment. He went on to give examples of people who have faced therapy daily at the Bethlem and who didn't improve, because they continued to do as I have been doing - facing the fear but with gritted teeth. He said that approach never works. Alas, he didn't explain what I should be thinking, but when you're terrified of something, it's hard to face it with anything other than gritted teeth!

I can vouch for the truth and wisdom of your therapist's words, Tricia. I'm an accomplished teeth-gritter too, and as a result I endure all kinds of physical tortures that normal people would simply throw up their hands in horror at and say, 'Stuff this for a joke, I'm not doing that!'

The degree of stubbornness and self-denial we people of tenacious nature are capable of has to be seen to be believed. My OCD has deteriorated each time I've sought help from professionals because they all go down the route of ERP and CBT, both of which just make me grit my teeth more firmly and ultimately dig my OCD heels deeper in the cement.The standard' resist' theory fails to acknowledge that gritting your teeth and getting through something unpleasant is the very backbone of the OCD for people of a particularly strong-minded disposition, so doing more of the same is detrimental rather than a cure.

We teeth-gritters need to learn a different approach. Please note what follows is NOT the standard approach to OCD and is not the recommended therapy for the majority of sufferers. It applies only to the few people with severe OCD that has proved resistant to the regular CBT/ERP treatments. Regular sufferers will indeed typically improve by simply resisting the compulsions.

However, we teeth-gritters need to learn that completing debilitating rituals isn't a sign of strength and neither is avoiding them. The rituals are simply a choice. A free choice. Do them, or don't do them, as you please. You won't stop anything bad from happening by doing them (they have zero influence of the universe), but neither is it a bad thing for you to do them if you want to. Once stopping the rituals is your free choice and not something imposed upon you by society, therapists, ideologists and normal people, it becomes much easier to give them up. It's about learning to shrug your shoulders at the rituals, not gritting your teeth to prevent yourself from doing them.

Hopefully that makes sense of what the Maudsley psychologist was saying. If what I've said makes sense to you at a gut level, do try to get back to see that particular therapist if there's any chance of doing so. Don't settle for a bog-standard therapist who thinks there's only one solution to ocd and one-cure-fits-all. Good luck! :original:

[snowbear]

Mmhhm.

Seems that in his view there was no point in treating you as an outpatient - because the disorder was too severe - nor as an inpatient, because others who "gritted their teeth" hadn't improved!!!

I have always thought the whole basis of psychological therapy was built around helping and encouraging people to CHANGE their negative automatic thoughts (cognitions) and resultant behaviours.

Taurean,

I don't for a moment believe he said it wasn't worth treating her. :omg_smilie:

But when OCD is severe or resistant the standard six weeks of outpatient treatment won't scratch the surface. He recognised Tricia needs a therapy plan and a psychologist who can help her to work through it in her own time. Once the plan has been devised, this can be accomplished at home, with support as an outpatient. Nobody, and I mean nobody, (not even me!) is beyond help. It's just that there's more than one way to change. I'm rather jealous of Tricia getting to see such an experienced therapist who is aware of cognitive processing and looking for ways to help those with resistant OCD, not just quoting what was being taught 20 years ago as the 'obvious' cure for OCD.

[taurean]

I have a personal wish that at least some benefit can be found for every sufferer.

If it is a different way than CBT fine if it's ethical and safe.

I like to think that people reading here may find that certain something, maybe just a little thing, that can make a difference.

For sufferers with profound difficulties, like Tricia and Daisy, I don't know what the answer is, what might be beneficial - but I truly hope it comes along.

Maybe that approach you suggest snowbear, which hopefully helps you, may help them.

Edited August 30, 2015 by taurean

[taurean]

If at first you don't succeed, try again.

But do check with your therapist if you have one, or otherwise here, if you think you may perhaps not be doing things in the right, or appropriate, way.

[snowbear]

If at first you don't succeed, try again.

But do check with your therapist if you have one, or otherwise here, if you think you may perhaps not be doing things in the right, or appropriate, way.

Taurean, you were probably being totally straight-forward about not giving up on trying to be free of OCD. And you gave good advice about seeking guidance from a therapist if that's not working. Excellent stuff. :original:

But I confess my first thought when I read this was how I determinedly do my rituals again and again trying to succeed in getting it 'just right'. So seeking the help of a therapist was appropriate again, even though in a completely different context.

The irony of it just creased me up. :lol: Forgive me for laughing.

snowy.

[taurean]

But snowbear, "laughter is the best medicine" :haha:

When we learn to accept humour against ourselves, we know we have at last boarded the right train!!!

Rigidity seriousness and lack of self-worth and humour hold us back; flexibility, light-heartedness , confidence and enjoying a laugh take us forward and develop our characters in a good way, at the same time reinforcing our endeavours against the disorder.

[Guest ADD]

Gritting your teeth is the same as resistance. The opposite of acceptance. Resistance gives MORE energy and attention to the things. Acceptance removes energy and attention to them. What you mentally resist always persists. It means your mentally and energetically holding on to it. In tightening up in fear it gives you the ILLUSION of control. Though when you're loose and can roll with the punches, that's real control. Relax.

[taurean]

I really like that ADD.

Being loose means we have not let tension get to us , our muscles are relaxed.

"Rolling with the punches" is like when Legend says - "bring it on" - we don't listen to the meaning OCD gives intrusive thoughts.

We simply hear them in our mind, note them for what they are, leave them be and move on.

[taurean]

What is our goal in dealing with unwanted OCD intrusions?

Our goal is to render them benign - make them powerless.

We can look to do this by not giving them any attention.

With compulsive urges, one way is to gradually extend the time between initial urge and giving in and compulsing - this tends to weaken the urge and aid us to break free from it.

[Sodovka]

Gritting your teeth is the same as resistance. The opposite of acceptance. Resistance gives MORE energy and attention to the things. Acceptance removes energy and attention to them. What you mentally resist always persists. It means your mentally and energetically holding on to it. In tightening up in fear it gives you the ILLUSION of control. Though when you're loose and can roll with the punches, that's real control. Relax.

Love what you've written here, ADD. I think it's really been proven true in my life: The harder I try to control my OCD, the more it controls me.

[Cub]

Taking our time is precious and valuable and will stop us rushing ourselves and let us enjoy the moment.

Also: a sense of humour is valuable. It's good to have a giggle.

[taurean]

Am I warm?

Am I fed?

Am I loved?

If the answers are yes, what on earth am I worried about?

Heryn made a similar point in the " looking for the positives" thread. If we have the basic necessities to get by, reminding ourselves of that - and that we are therefore better off than vast numbers of people - gives us a solid platform from which to make small steps to tackle other issues.

Edited September 4, 2015 by taurean

[taurean]

When we are comfortable enough to laugh (along with others) at ourselves, then we are on the up!!!!!

Rigidity in our thinking places a millstone round our neck.

Allowing for, and incorporating, flexibility removes that millstone :original:

The search for perfectionism is futile; people need to make too many decisions; but aiming to be right 85% of the time is likely realistic and achievable - anything more is perhaps a bonus.

[bendylouise]

Please note what follows is NOT the standard approach to OCD and is not the recommended therapy for the majority of sufferers. It applies only to the few people with severe OCD that has proved resistant to the regular CBT/ERP treatments. Regular sufferers will indeed typically improve by simply resisting the compulsions.

However, we teeth-gritters need to learn that completing debilitating rituals isn't a sign of strength and neither is avoiding them. The rituals are simply a choice. A free choice. Do them, or don't do them, as you please. You won't stop anything bad from happening by doing them (they have zero influence of the universe), but neither is it a bad thing for you to do them if you want to. Once stopping the rituals is your free choice and not something imposed upon you by society, therapists, ideologists and normal people, it becomes much easier to give them up. It's about learning to shrug your shoulders at the rituals, not gritting your teeth to prevent yourself from doing them.

Hopefully that makes sense of what the Maudsley psychologist was saying. If what I've said makes sense to you at a gut level, do try to get back to see that particular therapist if there's any chance of doing so. Don't settle for a bog-standard therapist who thinks there's only one solution to ocd and one-cure-fits-all. Good luck! :original:

thats 1st time ive heard anyone express same issues as me in this way. thank u.

Gritting your teeth is the same as resistance. The opposite of acceptance. Resistance gives MORE energy and attention to the things. Acceptance removes energy and attention to them. What you mentally resist always persists. It means your mentally and energetically holding on to it. In tightening up in fear it gives you the ILLUSION of control. Though when you're loose and can roll with the punches, that's real control. Relax.

Well said.

sorry i cant type much cos of my bad upper and lower back. thanks T.

Edited September 8, 2015 by bendylouise