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Rubbish week - feeling very down - struggling


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Hi All,

Not sure if anyone can really help, but thought typing my issues and how low I'm feeling might help a bit.

The last week or so has been really rubbish, mainly due to both my kids (8 & 13) really dreading going back to school and being very worried/tearful. This obviously pulls on my heart strings and I want to do everything I can for them. I took my son yesterday for his first day back and although he cried several times before school and when we got there, it turned out that he had not too bad a day and was much better by the time he got home yesterday. My daughter started back this morning. She came to me last night very upset, saying how she was worried about various issues, we talked it through and she seemed better and wasn't too bad going in this morning,

Coming on to the OCD side of things, when my daughter was going to bed last night I was upstairs and noticed my toothbrush was led on the side of the sink in the bathroom, which is how my daughter leaves hers. I asked her if she had used it and she said, "oh yeah, sorry, it's quite similar to mine and must have got mixed up". I had only used it about an hour earlier and now all sorts of fears about passing on diseases and infections on to her are going through my head. Basically anxiety overload, which is making me feel really low.

My wife was working until late last night and when she got home, she could see I was "not right". She asked what the problem was and I explained about the school stuff getting to me and what had happened with my toothbrush. She knows how I feel about sharing toothbrushes due ti my OCD, but she just rolled her eyes and said something like "oh dear" in a sarcastic manner. Normally she's quite sympathetic, but I could tell she was just annoyed with me last night, probably due to me being quite bad in general in recent times. We hardly spoke this morning, so that wasn't a nice way to leave things when I left for work either.

Since I've been at work, at least 2 colleagues have asked me what's wrong, but even though they know about my OCD etc, I find it really hard and a bit embarrassing to explain what's bothering me sometimes.

I've also still got on-going worries to do with my friend who is HIV positive, relating to fear and guilt and my workload is massive as well and I'm working to a tight deadline trying to get a massive mailing out by early next week.

To be honest, all I feel like doing is crying, I want to go home, just go to bed and curl up into a ball.

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I suppose it's hard for partners to be sympathetic all the time. Maybe your wife is having a bad time herself lately? At least she didn't offer reassurance -that would be worse. It sounds like there's lots of things stressing you out at the moment. The toothbrush incident is a perfect chance for some exposure therapy. I'm all in favour of practical solutions. Talk to your wife. Talk to people at work about reducing the load. Less thinking and more doing (that applies to all of us on here).

Love your badger picture by-the-way, absolutely agree!

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I suppose it's hard for partners to be sympathetic all the time. Maybe your wife is having a bad time herself lately? At least she didn't offer reassurance -that would be worse. It sounds like there's lots of things stressing you out at the moment. The toothbrush incident is a perfect chance for some exposure therapy. I'm all in favour of practical solutions. Talk to your wife. Talk to people at work about reducing the load. Less thinking and more doing (that applies to all of us on here).

Love your badger picture by-the-way, absolutely agree!

You're right, it must be hard, especially when your partner is going through a rough patch, it must seem like one thing after another to her. No she didn't offer reassurance and she knows not to.

I am very stressed, hence feel like giving up, it seems like one thing after another.

I forgot to put that my daughter has a spot white hard spot on her face, I think it's called a "milia" according to my wife. Obviously, I'm obsessing about skin cancer!

Unfortunately, other than working extra hours, there's not a lot I can do about the workload, apart from get on with it I suppose.

The badger cull is horrendous and innocent animals are being murdered for political purposes. It makes me so sad and angry. :weep: :angry:

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Hi

What a caring, wonderful farther you Sound like. You really want the Best for your kids, I Can tell. They are lucky to have you despite your ocd.

Ocd and your fear of making the ill is actually a devotion of love. It is concentrated around those we love the most and those we want to protect. We really want to be good parents but then Unfortunately ocd ruins that a little bit because our kids Can tell that we act differently, do funny movements, become quiet, or maybe are afraid to hug Them or so.

But my rule is that we cannot let it do that. We need to force our self to keep huging and be present. Otherwise it will affect our kids.

Do your kids know you have ocd? It Can be very helpful for Them to know so they dont Think it is Them how makes you sad. Kids really take a lot on to themself. Find out the Best way to explain ocd for Them. We should not tell Them about the content or that we fear to hurt Them or make Them ill. But just we suffer from an anxiety disorder because something in our brain dont have that brake others have. Its not dangerous. But it makes us sad sometime, but it is our own responsability to become well.

Maybe your kids are sad because they know something os wrong with you? My kids Can react like that sometime. But like you I am good at talking to Them about things. This is a motivator for stopping the ocd and get well.

I know how their crying sting in the heart. My ocd uses it in horrible scenarios sometimes. And it is really stressful. You want to do all you Can and be present and at the same time it increases your ocd.

The solution is to do all you Can to get treated for the ocd. And as legalseagull Said its a good exposure.

What does it say to you that your wife does not worry about the same as you? She is just as caring. It shows its ocd, right?

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Thank you for your kind words, I really love my kids more than you can imagine. Others have made similar comments about how good a father I am, which is very humbling.

My daughter knows about it and actually, along with my wife, lightheartedly makes fun of it, which I find amusing and that makes me laugh. My 8 year old son has some mild ASD problems, so I don't think he would understand, even if I did try to explain it.

I, like many other OCD sufferers, am an expert in masking my illness, so the kids very rarely see me really down.

Yes, this is all OCD and I'm going to work hard to not let it get the better of me.

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Thats the way. And actually its a good strategy to make fun of it. Then you Can get a distance and see it is a false message.

You are very concerned about kids getting sick. How does this manifest itself? Do you Think a thought Can make Them ill or are you just worried? Do you do compulsions to prevent it?

I have health anxiety too. But I have learned to handle it last Christmas. No Google, no going to the doctor, no focusing on a body part, no rumination about illness and if distract yourself. And I thought I could get sick just by thinking on a sick person or I somehow could transfer it to myself by looking at sick people and inhale, swallow or doing a movement with the body - its very magical but that is just the way my ocd is. But I Got rid of believing that. Though I get scared of becoming serioysly ill like any other person.

So you should work on that. It is exageration in your head. Just live healthy, go exercise, have fun, then it should be ok.

I wish you the Best. And never ever let ocd use or question that you are a good farther. If it does, say stop immediately. Dont ruminate about it, just say no. Thats what I do and it works.

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It's good that you're hiding the OCD from your kids. You need someone to talk to though to release some stress. Have you had any professional help?

Yep, I agree, the badgers are being killed despite previous trial kills showing that killing them actually increases the spread of TB. As you said, it's political.

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Just wanted to say that I really feel for you--although those unexpected 'surprise' exposures (finding out your kid has used your toothbrush) can be a good part of therapy, I also find them really hard to handle. They often throw me into a despairing place where I just want to give up.

However, I have tried to start to reframe those experiences where even though I get super sick with anxiety at the time, later when I am out of the thick of it, I try and look back and say--right, I was super sick with anxiety and in a panic and I made it through. maybe I can handle more than I think I can.

I've had a couple of surprise exposures lately that have thrown me and that is what I try and do.

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Thats the way. And actually its a good strategy to make fun of it. Then you Can get a distance and see it is a false message.

You are very concerned about kids getting sick. How does this manifest itself? Do you Think a thought Can make Them ill or are you just worried? Do you do compulsions to prevent it?

I have health anxiety too. But I have learned to handle it last Christmas. No Google, no going to the doctor, no focusing on a body part, no rumination about illness and if distract yourself. And I thought I could get sick just by thinking on a sick person or I somehow could transfer it to myself by looking at sick people and inhale, swallow or doing a movement with the body - its very magical but that is just the way my ocd is. But I Got rid of believing that. Though I get scared of becoming serioysly ill like any other person.

So you should work on that. It is exageration in your head. Just live healthy, go exercise, have fun, then it should be ok.

I wish you the Best. And never ever let ocd use or question that you are a good farther. If it does, say stop immediately. Dont ruminate about it, just say no. Thats what I do and it works.

The worry always manifests itself in horrible intense anxiety leading to low mood/depression.

It's true what you say, it is an exaggeration, it's just being strong enough to resist the rumination, which I am most of the time, but sometimes it gets the better of me.

I do exercise, I try to walk a least one mile each day in my lunch hour and then every Sunday I run 6-7 miles.

Thanks again for your kind and supportive words, much appreciated. :original:

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It's good that you're hiding the OCD from your kids. You need someone to talk to though to release some stress. Have you had any professional help?

Yep, I agree, the badgers are being killed despite previous trial kills showing that killing them actually increases the spread of TB. As you said, it's political.

I have a very good support network of friends and family and I have had professional help (CBT), but not for about 20 years! However, I am on the list some more CBT, which could happen later this month or in October.

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Just wanted to say that I really feel for you--although those unexpected 'surprise' exposures (finding out your kid has used your toothbrush) can be a good part of therapy, I also find them really hard to handle. They often throw me into a despairing place where I just want to give up.

However, I have tried to start to reframe those experiences where even though I get super sick with anxiety at the time, later when I am out of the thick of it, I try and look back and say--right, I was super sick with anxiety and in a panic and I made it through. maybe I can handle more than I think I can.

I've had a couple of surprise exposures lately that have thrown me and that is what I try and do.

Hey Doris,

What you do is almost identical to me. Just when you think you're having a good spell, a surprise exposure whill occur and set you right back. I always say to myself, "This is dreadful at the moment, but I always work my way through it and it always gets better eventually".

Thanks for your comments.

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