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jballan

Bulletin Board User
  • Posts

    428
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About jballan

  • Birthday 26/08/1989

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    pure ODD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Running, reading, science.

Recent Profile Visitors

924 profile views
  1. Well, I would encourage you to read what you wrote and find all the distorted thinking errors. You are over analyzing a situation, and seeking reassurance from your boyfriend that it's okay to feel the way you feel. You need to STOP IT! Stop analyzing the situation to death, you are turning it into something that it doesn't need to be. Trust me, your boyfriend is very understanding right now, but this type of reassurance seeking is very hard on the other person (the person doing the reassuring). I think it would be wise to come up with a rational response to your rationallizing. When you start to question things, say something to yourself to stop the loop. Like "Yes, I am tlaking to my ex, it's okay, I don't have feelings for him. I'm seeking closure and understanding. My boyfriend supports me and I am happy with him. I don't need to seek assurance." Just reassure yourself. Tell yourself it's okay to feel how you feel. Reassure yourself confidently. And when you start to question yourself again, restate a statement that is true so you don't need that reassurance from somebody else.
  2. Talk to your PCP, tell them you are in between doctors and need a refill until you can find a new perscriber. I know here in the US, doctors are very willing to do that temporarily.
  3. I completely can relate. I used to be an avid runner. Then I had bilateral knee surgery, and back surgery, and haven't ran in over a year. I was doing marathons every other month to give you an idea of my dedication. My surgeon told me my body just wasnt' meant to be a runner. So I got very depressed for awhile, and gained about 40lbs. But I got into weight lifting instead. I've since had two hip surgeries, and another back surgery, but I've learned to do what my body allows. I NEED an outlet, it's necessary for me to function. Running was my outlet. Not having that is so horrible, it made my OCD significantly worse, which I imagine would be true for you. I suggest finding something, anything else that gets your heart rate up that gives you that "runner's high." For me, lifting really heavy stuff gives me that same feeling. So I had to start from zero, but I've come a long ways and now compete at a national level in olympic lifts. You have to find something that works for YOU. I hated bike riding, but you can try it. Maybe swimming? Swimming can be a great alternative, it worked for me for awhile. Maybe weight training? Maybe a water sport? Maybe tennis? For me, meditation, reading, relaxing, all those sort of things, did nothing. I had to find something that got my heart rate up and gave me that feeling of accomplishment, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Intense yoga maybe, body weight exercises. A row machine is a really good option. I hope this was a little helpful.
  4. The therapist is a psychotherapist, and they want to focus on ERP. But I can't even think about what a possible exposure to be that's why I'm trying to determine exactly what the obsessions are. However, that in itself has turned into an obsession.
  5. It's been awhile since I've been on here. I got a new therapist from a really good psychoanalyst who new I had pure ocd The new person finally believes me, but doesn't know much about it. I am having a hard time identifying where I fit. Like I obsess about making decisions about being saying things that are just right, etc. It's mainly mental. I have other more common issues, but I can identify those. I can't really find a group I fit into and I've been obsessed with identifying my obsessions, to be able to do exposures too. Anybody else go through this?
  6. Blunt isn't always bad. I really needed to hear it! That's probably the best response I've ever gotten on here. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain things out to me and I loved your metaphors!
  7. I agree with this. In my last thread I got some GREAT advice from snowbear. It was a bit blunt, but I appreciated every word. It got my mind thinking about underlying fears, but I wasn't able to take it to the next level due to the issues not being completely conscious. The reality is there isn't a magic pill as said above. That is a harsh reality to face. I understand the counter point though: who wants to put themselves in anxious states, without a guarantee of getting better? This is a difficult dilemma. Reality is that if you continue on OCD path without being a bit vulnerable and willing to take chances, then you might end up in the OCD cycle for longer than you want.
  8. This is a great reminder. With my experience (in the US) - SSRI's are the primary medication for OCD, and in people who don't respond well - antipsychotics like risperidone, seroquel, etc., are sometimes added. However, they do have many risky side effects. I think benzos are over prescribed. What I've seen (as a student in medicine) is that patients who are prescribed benzo's usually have more than OCD. They might also have PTSD, panic disorder, insomnia, etc. Every person responds differently to medication. There are many variables to consider that just aren't common knowledge. I think the best bet for medications is to ask your doctor directly.
  9. After a session today, I wrote my doctor a short email quitting therapy. I have no idea if I made the right choice. I know I am going to be obsessed with my decision, going over if I did the right thing or not. I had been seeing her 2x per week for 2.5 years and grown dependent. I already obsessed about sessions everyday, I just couldn't handle over analyzing therapy all day every day. Has anyone else experience therapy dependency? How long did it take before you were able to 'move on' in your mind and stop obsessing? Thanks
  10. Filled with doubt

  11. Ignoring thoughts about obsessing. That sounds impossible. It's so automatic I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time. I guess the more I can be aware of it, I could more so ignore it. I don't really know how to ignore my curiosities towards wanting to know the meaning behind it - reality is I'm obsessing and need to figure things out. I obsess about therapy – analyzing everything I said, what was said to me. I wonder if I should have said something differently. I wonder where my resistance stems from, I question if I am sabotaging a chance of getting better. I wonder where my anger comes from – I wonder what’s going on in my subconscious that is causing havoc in my projections, interpretations, and emotional being. MY doctor thinks I don’t think about sessions outside of therapy, in reality I can’t stop thinking about it. Trying to figure out the threads of my thoughts, values, beliefs, is exhausting. I’ve accepted I have faults – desire control; don’t allow myself to think certain things; avoidant, etc. I have a need to understand where these fears and faults are derived from – I wonder how I can overcome my fears that have such thick neural pathways, I wonder how patterns of thinking could possibly be reconstructed.
  12. I think identifying the root of the thought, more so, the fear helps a person understand. By identifying the root of the problem, you discover why you are obsessing about certain things. I think a little psychoanalysis can't hurt. However, it's not going to be the cure. I see an analyst and spend great time figuring out about root problems. But the most effective approach is through exposure therapy and CBT. I however, needed to know the 'whys' and where my obsessions stemmed from. I needed to know my underlying fears to accept my OCD. At that point I was more comfortable moving onto the bulk of the work (CBT).
  13. I can relate. Perfectionism is driven by fear. You are obsessing about her exact meanings - analyzing intentions, and your interpretations. It's an endless cycle of analyzing. When I am stuck in this process I try to go with my first thought. I would be asking myself, what about the healing process am I afraid of? Am I afraid of getting more anxious? Doing it wrong? Once you can face the fear of the unknown or chance you might get a bit more anxious - you will be able to move forward. You can't get better without facing some discomfort. Its difficult, but doable. You have to face your fears!
  14. Sorry you are having a bad day. You are chastising yourself for having a thought. You can't control what thought pops up in your mind - but you can control what you do with that thought. I do the same thing. I get guilty for thinking something. The more you realize thoughts are just thoughts - you will be able to feel less guilty and anxious, and not give so much power to your thoughts.
  15. I appreciate you responses snow bear. This has really opened my mind. I can't imagine a future of continuing to live in my head - I don't think I could do it. I do want help, but it's scary. To think that I have to get more anxious to get better is terrifying. I can't even imagine that. However, I don't have much choice right now. It's necessary for me to face my faults - wanting to be right, needing control - in order to gain happiness. The problem is I don't always know when my behavior is a result of my wanting to be right, or fearful of losing control. Thankfully you pointed this out to me and I now have a clue that I have a problem. I don't really know where to go from here. I don't want to be the person that has to be right. I don't want to be the person that needs to be in charge. Somehow I developed these habits - probably as a defense mechanism. I don't know how to undo that or relearn better behaviors. When it comes down to it - my biggest obsessions are pure in nature. I don't know how to do an exposure to obsessing about obsessing, or thinking about thinking, or being depressed about being depressed. I have to justify everything I think, even when I'm not talking. How in the world do I fix that?
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