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Kevyla

OCD-UK Member
  • Posts

    232
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About Kevyla

  • Birthday 10/10/1970

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    HIV, health, driving.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Stroud, Glos
  • Interests
    Running, alternative/indie music, internet, gardening.

Recent Profile Visitors

373 profile views
  1. Do you have any links or more info on this? Would be very interested to read up on it.
  2. Just so you know you aren't alone, this is me in a nutshell. I started suffering with anxiety in my early teens and was diagnosed with OCD about 30 years ago. I'm now 51. I'm having a particularly hard time at present and really struggling and as a result, this is my first visit to this site in a long while. I've had at least 5 batches of CBT and have endless notes and tools to refer to and in my head, but sometimes I just don't feel strong enough to resist carrying out compulsions. It's so hard. I have a really supportive family and good friends, including a daughter of 20 and a son of 14, both who have OCD as well. The main positive I always hold onto when going through bad times, is that things do always get better. I have also now accepted I have OCD for life, or at least the thoughts, and I think acceptance of this probably helps. On reading this thread, I have taken onboard some of the great advice people always offer on here, which also helps. I hope you feel better soon MarieJo. Take care.
  3. Hi, OCD definitely leads to my depression. I get an obsession and which scares me, leading to anxiety and I get down. If I then carry out a compulsion I get down through frustration at myself. I've was diagnosed with OCD nearly 30 years ago, so I fully understand what you mean by exhausted and I've been desperate just like you. I always hang onto the thought that although I feel bad at the moment, it will lift and I will feel better again. I also accept that there will be more bad times too. I'm currently having a very bad spell and on my 3rd obsession since Saturday. I've been to the doctor today and have been talking to my wife and parents. I feel anxious and it's hard to see the current obsession getting better, but I have to believe it will and I'm sure it will at some stage. I've just got to ride it out and stop the compulsions. Hang in there, you're not alone and we all understand what you're going through and how horrible it is. Sending hugs.
  4. Thank you for taking the time to reply and your suggestions gingerbreadgirl, I agree with everything you have said. You are right that ringing him was a compulsion and if I do anything else to try to make the situation "feel right", that would be a compulsion too. I did have a little cry on my wife's shoulder about 30 mins ago and I think that, along with talking about the situation with her, has relieved a bit of the pressure/anxiety. I'm lucky enough to have quite a big garden I thoroughly enjoy making look lovely, so that is where I'm heading this afternoon. Thanks again for your reply and advice.
  5. I seem to be having a particularly bad period at present, I think due to a lot of stress in my life. My daughter is sitting her GCSE's and has recently broken her hand and my son has autism with really bad separation anxiety, which is tough to deal with. My OCD is mostly centering around my words or actions really upsetting people or even causing them to take their own lives. An example yesterday was telling one friend who came round for a barbecue about another friend who has fallen out with his sister recently. There have been some arguments about various family issues. Anyway, we discussed it and both agreed the sister can be a little stubborn and we weren't overly surprised about the situation. I messaged my friend who came to the barbecue that I'd been discussing the situation with last night and asked him not to say anything as I was worried it could get back to them and they would think I had been gossiping about them. Late last night I started really worrying that I had been gossiping and as a result, this morning I rang my friend whose has fallen out with his sister to apologise that I had discussed the situation - he told me not to worry and said there was no need to apologise. I said that we both felt his sister could be stubborn and weren't totally surprised about the situation. I'm now worrying he may tell his sister that we think she can be stubborn etc and fear I may really upset her. It feels like this is never ending and I just want it to stop. I believe I need to stop ruminating about the situation and just get on with my day/life, but it's so hard. Sorry for the long, possibly confusing post. Hopefully you will get where I'm coming from.
  6. Thanks PolarBear and PAVLIS97. I resisted and didn't call and today I've hardly thought about the situation at all. Even when I do think about it the anxiety has dropped right off. Just goes to show how you can get the better of OCD with determination. Resist those compulsions and we can beat it.
  7. I feel I didn't look properly, it was just a quick glance. I'm trying to work and focus my mind elsewhere, but it is so difficult.
  8. Went to my mum's this morning for a cup of tea after dropping my daughter to school. As I sat on the sofa, I had a slight twinge/bit of soreness in my upper leg, which I think is probably due to a sensitive bit of skin, a spot, or something similar. Afterwards, I did just move the cushion I was sat on and looked down to see if there was anything there and didn't see anything. However, all I want to do now is ring my mum and get her to check there was nothing sharp on the sofa that I may have sat on to cause the pain, like a pin, needle or similar. This feels like an OCD urge/compulsion, so fairly sure that's what it is, but I'm now struggling to concentrate on my work etc. Resisting the urge to call my mum is SO HARD...
  9. Just want to say I am much better today. I believe a combination of putting into words how I was feeling, PolarBear's advice () and a long chat with my wife has made a big difference. Don't bottle stuff up people. If you're struggling, start a post on here or talk to someone about how you're felling, it really does help.
  10. Thanks PolarBear. You are quite right about my compulsions but I do generally resist the urge to Google stuff, as that hasn't ended well in the past.. Lucas has come home from school today and said the pain went away soon after he went in, so that is no longer an issue (unless the pain returns of course). However, my mind is now telling me I must check whatever I saw on his back and if I don't, I could be responsible for ignoring something serious. It's a horrible feeling, which I obviously want to go away, but on the other hand, I know checking will be reinforcing the OCD. The other problem is that I sometimes "think" I've seen something unusual or strange and so even if I feel better initially, chances are the OCD will move on to another thing. Would you say the best thing is just to try to forget about it and distract myself with other things? I thought maybe I could just hand responsibility for this situation to my wife? It's been a tough day and I feel very tired this evening.
  11. When I have an OCD episode which makes me anxious/worried, it pretty much always leads to me feeling down and depressed. When I eventually get over whatever it is that's bothering me, I tend to then go on a bit of a high until the next episode.
  12. I totally agree with what you say and if the pain continues, it goes without saying that we would take him to the doctor. My anxiety is more based around what I saw or worry I might have seen (his backbone/lump), than the pain he's experiencing, which tells me this is OCD. I have got to the stage recently where I don't like bathing him or looking at him unless he's fully clothed, for the fear I might see something (bump/mark) which is going to set my anxiety off. Obviously this isn't right.
  13. Hi, It's been long while since my last post and I've not felt the need since I had 12 CBT sessions a year or so ago. I am currently on the waiting list for some refresher sessions with the same clinical psychologist. At present my OCD is pretty relentless and I only ever seem to get a few good days before the next worry/issue comes along. In the last few months I've had really bad anxiety, mostly relating to my 9 year old son having cancer or some other serious illness. I've also had similar worries relating to myself and less frequently my 14 year old daughter and my wife. I've been to the doctor twice about myself and once with my son, each time for reassurance about moles, lumps or bumps - none of them have been anything to worry about. I am always asking my wife questions and seeking reassurance when my latest fear crops up. The latest issue occurred this morning. I was just taking my son to school and he said he had a pain in his back. He was still saying it was hurting when we got to school so I said I'd have a look. There was no bruise or mark, but I could just see his the outline backbone in the middle of his back (he's very slim). As soon as I looked at it, the anxiety hit me straight away and has stayed with me all day so far. I'm worried it may be a lump or something else bad and all I want to do is take him to the doctor for reassurance. This feels like OCD so I know it probably is OCD, but my big fear is that if I do nothing, what if it is something serious and I ignore it? I hate the way I'm feeling and I'm also extremely worried I'm going to pass my worrying ways and strange behaviours on to my son. It's so hard to know what to do for the best. Any support, suggestions or advice would be gratefully received. Thanks, Kevin.
  14. Thanks for all the kind comments everyone. :original: It also stops us doing things we enjoy. It makes you feel like it's your friend protecting you from harm, but in fact, it's your worst enemy, it's a vile demon. Looking forward to this evening, very nervous, but not particularly anxious.
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