How to separate real and OCD feelings? Panicking!

[Mòr]

A few weeks ago, I ended a long-term relationship. There were real problems in the relationship that had caused me to develop issues with trust and insecurity over time, and as well as this my partner was unable to be very supportive in helping me with my OCD. I was proud of myself for making the hard decision that I thought would be healthier.

Since the breakup, a close friend and I have been spending a lot of time together. He has been very kind and generous with his time and support. Despite this friend being very supportive and trying his best, I am finding infinite reasons not to trust him and to be angry with him. Sometimes I think this is OCD, but I don't know how to separate it from other (maybe?) real feelings around trust, insecurity, ettc. It also makes me wonder about my relationship - were the problems my fault? It just feels so similar to that, and I had thought the problems were my boyfriend's fault, but maybe they were mine? Has anyone dealt with anything like this? Does anyone have advice on how to figure out what your real feelings are? These things are hard enough without OCD!

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

If you split from someone a couple of weeks ago you're bound to be wary of potential partners, regardless of your mental health (although OCD may add fuel to the fire). It's all a bit soon after the relationship ended so you're bound to be analysing everything that went on with your ex boyfriend. You probably just need to ride it out, break ups are hard! Hope you feel better soon x

[Mòr]

Thanks, PL. You are right that probably it is just hard because of the breakup. But I have been getting the trapped, panicky OCD feeling that is so familiar, but without a real idea of why. It's like I'm looking for certainty that I can trust him (my friend), but keep finding reasons not to, but I can't tell if they're real reasons or just me looking for certainty in an OCD way. I just worry about putting him through this when he is trying to help me, but I don't know how to fix it without pushing him away, which would also be hurtful for both of us.

[Mòr]

I just feel like I owe it to him to try to ignore these thoughts and act more 'normal' if they are OCD, but I am horrified at the thought of ignoring my own genuine feelings, because I've done that before.

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

If he's your friend maybe you could talk to him about it? It might make things a lot clearer if it's not stewing in your head. I have a male friend who I kept getting impulses to kiss cos of OCD that were very confusing but he's been very supportive and understanding since explaining it to him, not to mention it cleared things up a lot for me too.

[Mòr]

I have talked to him about it, but since the problem is with whether I can trust him, I feel I can't just take what he says. He says he really cares about me and that sometimes people make mistakes or are absent-minded or don't have reasons for what they do, and that it doesn't change his friendship for me, and that he wants to support me as best he can. I know that's true, but the relationship I was just in ended because my boyfriend kept telling me he cared about me but doing things that were hurtful, until I eventually decided that I had to end it. I think maybe I stayed in it too long, though, and now I just have no perspective on what are normal human mistakes vs important mistakes that show someone's real feelings about you. Does that make sense? I was just burned for so long by someone saying one thing and doing another, that now I obsess over anything anyone does because I am so afraid that I will let myself get in that situation again.