Talking to my husband about my OCD?

[FoosBoo88]

Hi guys,

I really need to talk to someone about this one as it's been bugging me lately. When I talk about asking my husband to help me, I'm talking about asking him to make it easier for me, not to engage in my compulsions, here are some examples of where I face problems.

The first thing you need to know is that my big bad scary thought is the thought of stabbing my husband. Now, I am getting better in many ways, for example, I'm able to identify how that thought makes me feel (scared, frightened, tense etc) versus a pleasant thought (happy, excited, maybe mischievous etc), I'm able to identify it as a "what if" thought, I'm able to recognise how I respond to a a thought or idea that I like versus one that I don't and so on. The problem I face, though, is that the ultimate exposure for me is using knives around my husband, and I know many therapists and many of you will say I need to work up to that, but not do it immediately. Here's where the problem lies. I literally have no choice, my husband "expects" me to cook, so when I'm copping vegetables, sometimes he'll come out into the kitchen. That's a big bad red alert right there! I know it was a big exposure, I was anxious, panicking etc. I know I have to work up to it and so on. But I have asked my husband not to come out into the kitchen when I'm using knives to cook tea at the moment as it really does push my anxiety too hard at this moment in time. I've got knives back in my kitchen, I'm over my DNA obsession and cleaning compulsion, hell I even use knives and leave them aside for wash up, I don't feel the need to wash them and stuff them back in the drawer as fast as I can. I have made progress, but him being 3ft away talking to me while I chop veg is just too much, it puts my anxiety off the scale and it's not fair that I suffer badly while he chats about his day. It's my problem, I know, but if he wants me better he has to not push me too fast.

The other problem is my husband is very physical. I don't mean violent or aggressive, I mean that he'll be sat on the sofa and if I walk past to do anything he'll give me a tap on the rump. Part of me finds this annoying from a sexism perspective anyway as I'm sure he wouldn't like it done to him, but more so if I've just done an exposure or some chores and I'm exasperated and just want to sit down...a whap on the bottom isn't helpful for my mood! I have snapped a few times before and said things I regret, it's not that I've meant to say them, it's just that when I've just pushed myself and then treated like some piece of eye candy. it pushes me too far. Does that make sense? I know he only does it in play, but I'm never feeling particularly bouncy and playful after doing my exposures.

Thanks for reading and sorry if this sounds really whiny, I'm just looking out for myself with my OCD :original:

FoosBoo88 x

Edited August 22, 2014 by FoosBoo88

[Guest jayjay89]

hey,

Asking your husband to not come in the room when you are using knives is avoidance and as you said yourself, that is something to work on. But at least you have identified that! You just need to work up to it. I am sure you can do it

In regards to the bum tapping thing, that would p*ss me off. I don't think that is really related to your OCD (except that possibly your stress and anxiety levels are already high). If it is something that you really don't like, you need to tell him that. If it's something that is kind of annoying but sometimes like then you need to make peace with it.

Sometimes people just do annoying things lol.

Anyways that's all just my 2 sense

Good luck

[FoosBoo88]

Jayjay89,

Yep but as I say, him being in in the kitchen when I used knives is like a top of the hierarchy thing (if you've used hierarchies for CBT, otherwise I'm talking jbberish lol). Bear in mind a year ago I threw all my knives out as I thought I'd kill someone, I've come a long way. I just felt I was being exposed to my 'ultimate' before I'd truly mastered some of the other techniques.

Te bum tapping thing, make no odds about it, annoys the hell out of me. It's like "seriously What do you think I am? Some waitress you can just his on?!" lol. But yes the stress and anxiety are what put me on edge, then the tap jut feels so rude and perverted. I guess what I should say is am I right to say it makes me feel snappy or am I just a killjoy? Lol.

FoosBoo88 x

[Guest jayjay89]

yup - that's how I know you will get there. I was just commenting to make sure that is the plan.

Nope, be snappy. There are heaps of ways to show physical attraction without treating you like a dog lol

[FoosBoo88]

Oh definitely, I want to get there, it's just that if therapy goes too much too fast I'll crumble, we don't want that :original:

Lol true. I have told him to behave before but he says stuff like "mine", possessive issues anyone? lol

[Guest jayjay89]

Just tell him he can own your bum if he wipes it for you after you poo. Otherwise it's not his lol.

[FoosBoo88]

Haha I wouldn't dream of it.. he's got an answer for everything lol

Edited August 22, 2014 by FoosBoo88

[Guest OCDAY]

Hey Foos,

If you were to ask hubby not to come in the kitchen when your using knives, that is Avoidance.

Do you feel you could build upto it slowly, maybe starting with hubby standing a couple of feet back from the open kitchen door whilst your using knives talking to you. Then in your own time gradually let him come closer, maybe the next time your using knives let him stand in the doorway and talk to you. He seems understanding so come up with a plan together. Don't rush it.

I while back I did'nt leave the house for 6 weeks. I used this method, starting with just standing in the garden for 5 mins, then a walk roung the block the next day and so on. The anxiety reduced slightly each time I did something. I now have no issues going out anyware. But it took time and effort (which I know for a fact you will put in!!!!)

[FoosBoo88]

OCDAY, you're right but that said our kitchen is tiny (2m x 2m) so it feels claustrophobic anyway. I did wonder about something like that but I wasn't sure how best to graduate it. Especially with the room being so small!

I do of course want to beat my OCD and avoidance is a no-no, these things just take a bit of thinking about - unlike our compulsions!

FoosBoo88 x

[Guest OCDAY]

Your on the right track. Try thinking outside the box - Could you start with hubby talking to you when using knives when he is in the lounge on the sofa and build from there at you own pace. The more you do it the anxiety will lessen.

Have you got an open plan kitchen/lounge or is there a door?

Try what you think you can deal with and rate anxiety on 1-10 (10 highest) then try the same thing next time and rate the anxiety again.

You will beat this, and you have support from hubby which will help you greatly!!!

[FoosBoo88]

OCDAY, this is exactly hat I'm trying to do. The problem is hubby keeps coming into the kitchen when I'm using knives and that makes my anxiety a straight of big fat 10. I need to work up to it but he seems to forget!

FosBoo88 x

[Guest OCDAY]

Could you talk to him and maybe come up with a plan when your using knives and build up slowly. Could you agree a code word you could say and then have bounderies under this but obviously gradually increasing the exposure, so it doesnt turn into aviodance.

I admire the fact you are not just giving in and are determined :original: