Strange OCD habit?

[Guest zendal]

Hello,

I am new to these forums and hopefully I will stay. I would like someone to help me with a habit I have, it wont go away and it has been bothering me for a few years. It is to do with wanting everything to be perfect and wanting to start again... Anyway, I will try and explain it as best as I can.

Ever since I was around 10, I cannot stop wanting to "restart" my life related stuff. By this, I mean e-mail account, accounts on websites, etc. Every time I make a new account somewhere, I want to make a new one again, I don't know why. Maybe it's because my mind sees the old account as "unclean" and I just always want to start again fresh, with a new reputation etc? It isn't just technology related stuff however, but other stuff too. For example, I have a bank account but want to remove it and create a brand new one because on my bank statement I have a PayPal invoice on it, and I no longer use PayPal so for some reason this makes me depressed... I always want a "clean sheet". I keep reinstalling Windows 7 over again, create another e-mail address, etc, and it just wont stop. If I do something wrong, for example forget my e-mail address or make a grammar mistake in an e-mail there I go again -- I will have to reinstall my whole OS on it again, because it makes me happier to start again. This is getting in the way of my life, I have no idea how I will cope when I am older. I am worrying that if I get a job and make a mistake, I would want to get a different job even if I was paid less just because of that. I know that this sounds really stupid, but it's true. I have been living like this for so long I have gotten used to it, and it doesn't bother me having to do all of this over again, I have the urge to do it otherwise I just wont be happy.

Please, does anyone know what this is and can anyone give me any advice? I tried to explain it best I could.

Thanks in advance.

[Guest sarah1984]

Hello Zendal,

I don't have any experience of this myself but I am aware of another forum member who had similar problems recently. This member kept creating new accounts on here with different user names. Can I ask whether you have ever been diagnosed with OCD or sought professional help? The main form of treatment for OCD is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) http://www.ocduk.org/cognitive-behavioural-therapy. CBT teaches sufferers effective strategies for dealing with obsessive fears and eliminating compulsive behaviours. I would strongly recommend speaking to your GP about the possibility of a referral for CBT. You might be interested in taking a look at these articles on OCD and perfectionism: http://208.88.128.41/EO_Perfectionism.aspx and http://www.steveseay.com/perfectionism-ocd-symptoms-perfectionist/

Good luck,

Sarah

[Guest zendal]

I have never been diagnosed with OCD but strongly feel I have it, and I haven't yet got any professional help, I don't know how to.

[bendylouise]

Hi Zendal, go to Gp like Sarah says. There is a sheet i believe for help for explaining things to your Gp, look on the ocd home page and the 'how we canhelp you' tab. there is a GP icebreaker printout. may help. all the best BL

[Guest megsdp]

I'm in my room crying right now, a year after you posted this, because I've never met anyone like me before.

I've been doing that for nine years now. Everyday. I have thousands of email addresses, Facebook accounts, Twitters, whatever.

I've coined my rituals 'restarting' - I have a list of obsessions/compulsions I have to do in a day (mental and not) - and if I do any of them wrong or miss any of them I 'restart'. I factory reset my laptop, phone, delete all the data I've created in a day, important documents.

I nearly failed high school, had to drop out of college. I kept throwing out homework and schoolwork.

I just got a job and moved out, but my parents financially support me because my job isn't enough, and I can't get a new one because I keep deleting resumes and email accounts.

It's horrible. Completely treatment resistant, for me at least. I've tried at least 8 medications, different therapies, inpatient. I'm going to an OCD specific inpatient treatment centre soon. It's my last resort.

I'm sorry I just unloaded on you. I just can't believe you exist.

[PolarBear]

Wow. I didn't see the original post because I wasn't on the forum back then. I've never heard of this.

When you restart do you forget your old usernames and passwords or do you keep a list of them?

[Guest megsdp]

I don't keep a list but I have a general idea of the names I've gone through. But it's harder to remember the ones from when I'm 11 - 14.

I honestly don't know how consistently I can stay on this site. I'm trying to OCD hack myself by being here. I understand why this guy doesn't post anymore.

[Guest fanno1uk]

hi i would get the feeling that thing were not just right to like changing phone companies which i did recently and i posted about ,i used to do the same with bank accounts and email ,i remember emailing apple to get them to close my email account almost begging them to do it ,they don't btw they say ill lose all my music and data but even after being told that i still wanted them to do it ,so i was told simply to not use that account create a new one they told me but it wasn't enough i still had it at the back of my mind that i had to get rid of that email address ,but since then I've learned to sit with the anxiety and the fear ,but dads death has knocked me for six and I've rang talk talk rang bt almost seeking reassurance that I'm doing the right thing but then its ocd and i must fight back,i do rant on a bit lol ,thanks john

[Guest MotoTurbo]

This is exactly me. Down to the last drop. I have restart accounts, reinstall my os, wipe my phone all of it. Glad to know I'm not alone

[Guest lizinlondon]

Like all OCD you will need to start exposing yourself to the anxiety caused by not opening new accounts and using the unclean ones. Start by listing accounts in order of distress and begin with the easiest one to resist changing. If you find you can't resist it might be time to look for a CBT therapist who has experience of treating OCD and doing graded exposure. Treat this now before it becomes an obstacle in your life.