How the hell do i start

[bendylouise]

allowing things. I just keep thinking of reasons why I am not allowed to. im at the end and cant move 4ward. my mind always finds a way 2 stop me. i'm desperate and have no quality 2 my day 2 day life

[PolarBear]

You ignore the reasons why not and do them anyway. You have to just do it.

[Caramoole]

Although it doesn't always seem obvious, you have made all those rules up BL. They haven't come from an outside source, they are something you devised as a method of dealing with your OCD.

and then you have to try and do as PB suggests

Caramoole

[bendylouise]

Hello PB and Caramoole. Frustrating cos back is stopping typing, but I managed 2 make start 2day. thanx both 4 replies. bought jacket and sox! still critizing myself but will try my best. xx

[bendylouise]

Made a mistake 2night, gave in 2 a compulsion and wanted 2 punish again by waiting for 2 days and then I could do everything again. Is this acceptable or wrong way to go? need clarification plse I need guidance

Edited October 20, 2014 by bendylouise

[PolarBear]

You will give in to compulsions sometimes. You won't just stop doing them and that's that. It's a case of trial and error and practicing. You're doing just fine.

See if you can cut down that two day limit and just go ahead and do what you want tomorrow. Small steps will still get you there.

[bendylouise]

gonna try. ta PB

[bendylouise]

Its like I am trying 2 trip myself up, not trying hard enuf and I feel I don't deserve 2 progress cos I didn't jump straight outa bed this morning & get on with things I knew I could do. I slightly indulged myself with some thoughts while in bed and I,m in a pickle again now.its like I cant make any mistakes, im just waiting 2 do smthg wrong. my backs hurting so much already. Can I atone 4 last night's mistake by ignoring today's mistake? Or just ignore both anyway or give in 2 both, or 1? I so need help and my back is hurting so much from yesterday.

[Caramoole]

Can I atone 4 last night's mistake by ignoring today's mistake? Or just ignore both anyway or give in 2 both, or 1?

All of the rules you've made are irrelevant BL, you don't need to ask, they're all compulsions.

[PolarBear]

Agreed. You've made up a bunch of crazy rules that even you can't keep straight. They're all compulsions. Forget the rules and live your life.

[Guest nervous]

the others are right, you are still at the point where still think you can sort this out and put everything right. I did so day after day, several times I would admit the futility of it and begin giving up only to start up the next day certain if I did this one more thing or if I made a check list of if bought this new thing that could help me keep everything right and it I could some how keep it that way but it's impossible. At some point you just have to say you can't and just let your life happen. You have to start someday why not today? Just accept life and let yourself rest tonight.

[bendylouise]

thanx all.

Had difficult week last week but managed 2 do things I wanted 2 and also 2 go shopping yesterday. Last night in bed I panicked cos I couldn't sleep and actually did do smthg 2 my skin (cos I felt little lump) which I hate. Cant believe it happened and I did it. It feels devastating, im disgusted with myself and I am stopping lots of things 2 day 2 punish, I cant believe I did this when I haven't 4 ages and I was doing well 2.so much 2 it. back hurting.

Had such a good day yesterday in the way I allowed things, managed upper and lower back and painful feet and planned shopping even tho I got no shoes/boots and will have 2 return slippers cos unsuitable. trying 2 find way out. help! bl

Edited October 28, 2014 by bendylouise

[bendylouise]

I am so distressed. I managed to do the right things (above). I went shopping and organised myself really well (not easy due to pain in feet and back) and I kept calm. I didn't buy anything but that's cos nothing was suitable, and I planned to return this week to continue my search for shoes/ankle boots.

Then in bed that night I abused my skin - which is what I always try not to do and rarely do nowadays- and I did it cos I was feeling hyper after my shopping trip and couldn't relax and my hand happened to brush by a little lump and I decided to mess with it. I never do that any more, and I ended up doing it when I had had such a good day and had plans to continue my shopping expeditions (v hard 'cos of physical reasons and ocd) and now I just can't forgive myself and carry on.

can't take any more of this - each time my mind finds a way to jeopordise being free.i just hate living this life

Edited November 1, 2014 by bendylouise

[Caramoole]

You can always carry on BL......it's when you feel you can't that you must, even in the face of doubt and hopelessness, defy the rules you've made.

Caramoole

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

You ignore the reasons why not and do them anyway. You have to just do it.

^^^^^^^^^

This is the way to get past OCD obsessions.

It is incredibly hard to ignore obsessions when they are drilling themselves into our minds, day in and day out. However, after putting into practice what my therapist has told me and what the amazing people on this forum have advised, I am beginning to see HUGE decreases in the amount of intrusive thoughts I am getting and the associated anxiety, fear, guilt and urge to do compulsions.

You have to take the leap - when you have an intrusive thought or are triggered, you need to WORK REALLY HARD to ignore it, let it be there but DO NOTHING (no compulsions, no ruminating, no trying to work out the chances that it is true or not, no checking, no touching, tapping, repeating - JUST NO.) Once you do this for awhile it will begin to ease up (possibly even dissipate). I still fall into doing my compulsions sometimes but as PolarBear said, it is trial and error.

What I have realized after living with OCD for 14 years is that we always cling to ''if I could just figure this out, if I could just know for sure, then everything would be okay...''. And we cling to our compulsions due to this way of thinking. However, it never works. That is the nature of OCD - DOUBT. Therefore, we will never be able to beat the doubt so we need to learn to live with it. These past 8 months have been HELL ON EARTH for me. I was even contemplating suicide at one point. I have had sexual obsessions that I thought would never go away and I would be forever suffering from intrusive thoughts, horrible, disgusting images popping into my mind and that I would never regain my normal sexual drive towards my husband. However, after putting in some work... I am beginning to see results - the OCD is losing its power and I am gaining clarity. I am not sleeping 16 hours a day anymore. I am doing artwork, laughing with my husband, going back to school... etc.

I am in no way saying that it is easy or that after just a few days I am cured. I am still struggling. But, the weight of OCD isn't as heavy after taking the leap of faith and accepting that it is OCD and working to change my behavior (working to eliminate compulsions).

I wish you strength because it is certainly needed to overcome this vile disorder. And I wish you knowledge about OCD because to beat it, it is imperative to understand the bully you are up against.

Edited November 1, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Guest Nikki79]

Hi Headabovewater learning to live with doubt yes but not accepting the catastrophies presented just the doubts. I find the doubts and angst and fearful beliefs get worse when you ruminate too. I think that is where I get particularly stuck finding a new doubt or something my Therapist may have missed about me etc. I think we are similar mate x

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Hi Headabovewater learning to live with doubt yes but not accepting the catastrophies presented just the doubts. I find the doubts and angst and fearful beliefs get worse when you ruminate too. I think that is where I get particularly stuck finding a new doubt or something my Therapist may have missed about me etc. I think we are similar mate x

I agree, Nikki. I don't think we should accept what the thoughts are saying - just accept that they are there and that there is doubt.

Also, yes, I completely agree with your statement that the more we ruminate the worse the doubt and the fear become. That's where I got myself so stuck. However, once you say, ''That's it. I'm not going to ruminate over these things anymore.... I'm not going to pay OCD thoughts any mind'', you will see improvements. I really think that compulsions make everything worse and they do so very quickly. A passing thought can quickly become an obsession once you start to ruminate about it. It is important to be mindful and see the thoughts for what they are - false - and then do NOTHING in response to them.

I know you have been struggling, too, Nikki. I can't lie - I am still struggling, as well... but I really feel the weight lifting and can more often than not see that these thoughts are caused by OCD and are untrue about me.

Good luck, girl!!

[Guest Nikki79]

Thanks friend. Its trying not to ruminate is what we must become good at. If I can learn to not engage with the thoughts without guilt I will do fine x

[ACE]

Bendy I think you're honestly doing remarkably well hun try your best not to beat yourself so much with how the OCDis affecting you hun,I know it's not easy to do and you're reallydealing with somuch.You're trying as best as ever you really are it's just very powerful.Keep on persevering hun because you will get there I know you will.I know how it feels when you fall back down&the feeling of guilty you have&that you aren't trying hard enough& or it is just too hard to beat they'reallnatural/normal emotions to be feeling.But the big factor is that you're trying to beat this& no one can question your effort here just like with anyone else who is trying to overcome &battle OCD :original: .

[bendylouise]

^^^^^^^^^

This is the way to get past OCD obsessions.

It is incredibly hard to ignore obsessions when they are drilling themselves into our minds, day in and day out. However, after putting into practice what my therapist has told me and what the amazing people on this forum have advised, I am beginning to see HUGE decreases in the amount of intrusive thoughts I am getting and the associated anxiety, fear, guilt and urge to do compulsions.

You have to take the leap - when you have an intrusive thought or are triggered, you need to WORK REALLY HARD to ignore it, let it be there but DO NOTHING (no compulsions, no ruminating, no trying to work out the chances that it is true or not, no checking, no touching, tapping, repeating - JUST NO.) Once you do this for awhile it will begin to ease up (possibly even dissipate). I still fall into doing my compulsions sometimes but as PolarBear said, it is trial and error.

What I have realized after living with OCD for 14 years is that we always cling to ''if I could just figure this out, if I could just know for sure, then everything would be okay...''. And we cling to our compulsions due to this way of thinking. However, it never works. That is the nature of OCD - DOUBT. Therefore, we will never be able to beat the doubt so we need to learn to live with it. These past 8 months have been HELL ON EARTH for me. I was even contemplating suicide at one point. I have had sexual obsessions that I thought would never go away and I would be forever suffering from intrusive thoughts, horrible, disgusting images popping into my mind and that I would never regain my normal sexual drive towards my husband. However, after putting in some work... I am beginning to see results - the OCD is losing its power and I am gaining clarity. I am not sleeping 16 hours a day anymore. I am doing artwork, laughing with my husband, going back to school... etc.

I am in no way saying that it is easy or that after just a few days I am cured. I am still struggling. But, the weight of OCD isn't as heavy after taking the leap of faith and accepting that it is OCD and working to change my behavior (working to eliminate compulsions).

I wish you strength because it is certainly needed to overcome this vile disorder. And I wish you knowledge about OCD because to beat it, it is imperative to understand the bully you are up against.

Thank u HeadAbove 4 your post.Its helpfulto me.i am not gonna type much now but i'm very grateful to you and the others - Caramoole, Nikki and ACE who have answered my recent post. Also I am v glad to hear of your progression HeadAbove. BL xxxx PS I am trying

[bendylouise]

Hello all

I've been out and bought boots and slippers today (which i'm wearing). I feel panicky but i'm staying with it. Also feel panicky about typing what I've done. Any advice on how to stay calm and sensible!? - I feel like i'm suffocating sometimes. I aim to try to keep busy, swimming tonight but i'm so nervous. Don't want to go backwards or do smthg wrong. BL PS trying not to think or examine situation (ruminate) but stomach in knots and i'm v scared and worry about whether I will be able to sleep tonight. xxxxx

Edited November 4, 2014 by bendylouise

[bendylouise]

the others are right, you are still at the point where still think you can sort this out and put everything right. I did so day after day, several times I would admit the futility of it and begin giving up only to start up the next day certain if I did this one more thing or if I made a check list of if bought this new thing that could help me keep everything right and it I could some how keep it that way but it's impossible. At some point you just have to say you can't and just let your life happen. You have to start someday why not today? Just accept life and let yourself rest tonight.

Hi Nervous - that would be a v good name for me 2. Yes you are right (your first 4 lines)- that is me, I know it, I do all that but thru trial and error I am beginning to c it won't work.

Yesterday I dug deep and carried out my plan to go shopping for my boots and slippers even tho I had been spiked the night b4 and thought I couldn't do it. It was a successful shop and I am pleased with what I got.Shopping is v hard 4 me physically 2 so it is doubly hard to get it right and it is frustrating cos I cant do much.

However, horrible thoughts began that night , I think I was very nervous trying to 'keep everything ok' as I usually do - as Nervous describes (above). There are so many situation to deal with and each strand and variable is as hard to deal with. How on earth can I do this? Ihave so many probs and so little to live for and so much is denied me due to other circumstances.

My upper back is starting to hurt so i'll have to stop typing b4 i'm finished saying all stuff I want. My life is hardly worth living - honestly - my lower back is also v bad and I have terrible trouble sitting.

[ACE]

Well done Bendy you're doing remarkably well take moment by moment the anxiety wuill surely come but try to fight through it& it will/should pass.I totally understand your thoughts on shopping I also have found that difficult for a variety of reasons bendy,if you like I can always tell you what has helped me&see if that may assist you in any way at all|?

In the meantime keep up the great work hun :original:

[bendylouise]

.I totally understand your thoughts on shopping I also have found that difficult for a variety of reasons bendy,if you like I can always tell you what has helped me&see if that may assist you in any way at all|?

:original:

that would be great ACE, thank you 4 yr reply xx

[ACE]

Hey there bendy how are you doing today hun?.Well I'm very glad to tell you what has helped me in regards to shopping&I do hope it may help you.Throughout my life I've always struggled with going for e.g to Shopping centres much of it was related to the BDD but of course the OCD,depression&Anxiety so it was a nightmare pretty much going to these places mainly.Now I do try for e.g as much as ppossible to think even before hand plan ahead thinking about what I'm going to be buying and the item in mind,trying it on and just getting excited about it.Going moment by moment&trying to be relaxed as much as possible certainly helps,if you do struggle to do this try please not to feel bad as that is certainly natural.

Even for e.g being in the shopping centre if I'm with a friend trying to just enjoy the scenery,getting into the moment talking to my friend,thinking about that night for .g what I'm going to watch on TV,meeting my friends,what I'm doing for the weekend&anything that may get your mind stuck in something really positive also.I think beforehand obviously if you can pick a location where you do enjoy to shop for e.g and feel quite comfortable and that you may think will be easier to go to than other places that certainly may make a difference also I do feel :original: .