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Sex drive decrease significantly by age 30?


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When I was a teenager or up to age 25 if I saw a picture of a woman either naked in some way or provocatively dressed it would provoke some sexual response in me. I would feel some arousal for sure. Now if I see a picture my groin or brain are neutral, flat, no reaction whatsoever. Not a twinge, twitch, anything.

Now I'm worried I'm gay agian (for the millionth time) and feeling some anxiety. My groin seems to react to even a mans face these days so I'm really worried my body is bursting with sexual desire for men or something.

Do you think it's normal to not get aroused as you get older or am I gay?

Also I was a kissing a girl lately and I only got a small semi erection where as 10yrs ago I would have been very aroused. this really worries me that I've crossed over.

Edited by Eric Dave
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Eric, Eric, Eric :original: ........we can't go back down this road again, have a read through of your previous posts, all the advice is there for you to draw on..

No one goes from being crippled by OCD to being able to brush the thoughts aside and carry on regardless w/o repeatedly overriding the urge to ask for reassurance, refuse point blank to give into it.........it's difficult I know it is, but not impossible.

You know the drill, put on those :boxing: and ignore the bully.

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Hi Hal. I dont think I'll ever get to the point where I believe this is ocd.

I'm scared this is my future:

I will get married or enter a relationship with a woman to fit into society then I will lose any sexual arousal for women and start having overbearing and strong sex urges for men and will end up sneaking off and cheating on my wife and then feeling guilty and having a mental breakdown due to constant guilt and unfulfillment. Then I will have to tell my wife and or kids and friends and will feel shame, anxiety and feel like Ive lied to everyone and been a bad person ruining my wifes life. Then I will have to have sex with men to get off and end up doing seedy stuff and if not end up in a relationship with a guy. Everyone will be surprised because I dont fit the gay stereotype and it will be so difficult to come out.

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I will get married or enter a relationship with a woman to fit into society then I will lose any sexual arousal for women and start having overbearing and strong sex urges for men and will end up sneaking off and cheating on my wife and then feeling guilty and having a mental breakdown due to constant guilt and unfulfillment. Then I will have to tell my wife and or kids and friends and will feel shame, anxiety and feel like Ive lied to everyone and been a bad person ruining my wifes life. Then I will have to have sex with men to get off and end up doing seedy stuff and if not end up in a relationship with a guy. Everyone will be surprised because I dont fit the gay stereotype and it will be so difficult to come out.

A perfect example of Catastrophising which won't be helped by dissecting.
Sorry Eric :(
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Hi Hal. I dont think I'll ever get to the point where I believe this is ocd.

Then why are you here? Do you not understand the concept that this is an OCD forum? That we talk about OCD here?

You refuse to believe that your problem could be caused by OCD. You refuse all help offered to you. Why do you keep coming back?

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I'm about to get into a new relationship with a girl and fear I'm making a mistake and am gay and I'm lying to myself and her.

I decided to stop masturbating for a while. I made it until today which is maybe 8 or 9 days. I also stopped coming on here and Empty Closets and did feel better. But the groinals make me feel like ****. They are happening so often maybe 10 times a day on a bad day and fill me with thoughts like ''ocd my ass. You are gay and cant accept it. See you are getting uncontrollably aroused to men and not women. You are gay and admit it.''

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Guest mynameisbrian

I'm about to get into a new relationship with a girl and fear I'm making a mistake and am gay and I'm lying to myself and her.

I decided to stop masturbating for a while. I made it until today which is maybe 8 or 9 days. I also stopped coming on here and Empty Closets and did feel better. But the groinals make me feel like ****. They are happening so often maybe 10 times a day on a bad day and fill me with thoughts like ''ocd my ass. You are gay and cant accept it. See you are getting uncontrollably aroused to men and not women. You are gay and admit it.''

I don't know why people are being so negative to you on here. It's frustrating that you're not listening, but they're practically telling you to just leave.

This is how you should handle it: talk to the girl about it. Tell her about your disorder and how this weird thing is bothering you. If she is weirded out, she isn't the right girl for you. To my surprise, I have never gotten much negative response about my obsessions when I've talked to people about them. They might think some of them are weird, but they have never over-reacted or anything like this.

What you can do is you can fantasize about being gay, and get her involved in it. Maybe she can dirty talk about it, etc. You've thought about it so much now, that it likely does turn you on. But it's just a phase. You'll think it's exciting, and it'll be sexually pleasing to think about for a bit, but then you'll get over it after you've accepted it. If you don't accept it Eric, you'll be ******. There is nothing wrong with these thoughts.

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I don't know why people are being so negative to you on here. It's frustrating that you're not listening, but they're practically telling you to just leave.

Leaving would be far better for him at this point. Coming back repeatedly and going over old ground each time is not doing Eric any good. He is just reinforcing his obsessions. To make matters worse, he completely ignores any and all advice given to him. He also disrupts other threads with his never ending diatribes about being gay.

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sounds like Eric had been making some progress away from the forum . Have you heard the saying "got to be cruel to be kind" checking in for emotional support would be fine but he shouldn't be checking in for reassurance especially when he is clearly making some progress. to be honest the best he could do would be to leave and return in 6 months with an amazing success story.

Edited by mummyoftwogirls
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Guest lizinlondon

Eric go out with the girl and form a relationship - this is obviously what you want because you went and got it.

Put the gay thing to one side and use this opportunity to explore your straight sexuality. Remember relationships are not just about sex. They are about getting to know someone. I have found sex gets better the more you know someone, so don't get worried if you don't feel horny or have great sex at first. Let the relationship develop and relax and great sex.will follow.

I would not tell her you think you are gay until you can trust her. If a guy told me this too early on I would have doubts. Get to know and trust each other, then open up. This.is what relationships are about, not just the physical act of sex.

Good luck.

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Thanks Liz and mummy.

Its not definite that it will happen yet but its likely that we will be in a relationship soon. TBH I would never tell my partner my gay fears. Its nice when I dont have to talk about it but if I had no one to spill my fears onto (like on here for example I think I would have a breakdown).

I know that if I told her I'd end up ruining everything.

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Ugh I am not good. I have to be gay because I am getting aroused to guys now and its becoming more and more intrusive in my daily life. I might see a funny video on facebook involving scantily clad girls and guys and the guy will cause much more of a reaction than the girl and it scares me. This cant be ocd surely. These arousals are too strong, too consistent, too intrusive. I think I grew up in an anti gay environment and now am scared I am gay. Maybe if I was brought up in a normal gay friendly environment I wouldn't have a problem being gay. :(

All I ever knew has totally changed. As a teen I would get stronglt aroused to girls and now its all switched around. :(

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Ugh I am not good. I have to be gay because I am getting aroused to guys now and its becoming more and more intrusive in my daily life. I might see a funny video on facebook involving scantily clad girls and guys and the guy will cause much more of a reaction than the girl and it scares me. This cant be ocd surely. These arousals are too strong, too consistent, too intrusive. I think I grew up in an anti gay environment and now am scared I am gay. Maybe if I was brought up in a normal gay friendly environment I wouldn't have a problem being gay. :(

All I ever knew has totally changed. As a teen I would get stronglt aroused to girls and now its all switched around. :(

Eric people have talked you through this so many times. It is now time for you REALLY to take on board what they have said, and do it.

The OCD is within you. It can affect your thinking to make you react to men like you are. I have put this in bold and underlined because you are not seeing this and not accepting this, and it is at the route of your problem.

We have gay people who happen to be members of this forum. They have no issue with their gay position, their OCD is of a different nature. Gay people settle perfectly with their sexuality; Do they spend hours posting on OCD forums - no they don't,

Go back to your core values - what does your - real - character reference say about you? It says you are heterosexual doesn't it? Of course it does. When did you start to doubt that? when you experienced OCD.

So are you going to let the OCD bully you - or are you going to tell yourself those thoughts and feelings you have are the result of the OCD, and stand up to it? You seemed perfectly happy after the girls told you their view last night - you believed they were right, you need to go back to that. look at it - remember OCD is within your mind - it alters and influences your thoughts and feelings to give false readings.

It wants to stop you starting a relationship with this girl - that is why it is triggering these doubts now.

My OCD tried to stop me going to an art exhibition on Sunday - I went . I said boo to the OCD, When we give in to the OCD it gains more power. So we have to stand up to it and it gradually it will lose power.

So, what are you going to do? Listen to the OCD and let it dominate you and sabotage your relationships? Or have the guts to see what it is, what it is doing, how it is doing it - and ignore those - false - messages and go for it?

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I really want to believe these are false messages from my groin. But it seems to me that the chances of it being ocd are only 50% at best. The other 50% is a theory that I am gay and have negative feelings about that. I don't know what to believe.

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I really want to believe these are false messages from my groin. But it seems to me that the chances of it being ocd are only 50% at best. The other 50% is a theory that I am gay and have negative feelings about that. I don't know what to believe.

all of us here believe it is OCD don't we.

It often happens that non-sufferers of the issue, who are members of the e forum can see the OCD lit up in neon lights, but because of the deceitful way OCD works within the sufferer, they find it difficult.

My belief that it is all OCD and causing these false messages and groin arousals is at 100% Eric. That's pretty equivocal isn't it.

It is based on me being a fellow sufferer of OCD , needing to identify and manage it for many years, therefore understanding how it works and the lies and malicious falsehoods it purveys,

And having read over the last 2 years a vast number of posts about OCD on this forum.

Does that help you?

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I really want to believe these are false messages from my groin. But it seems to me that the chances of it being ocd are only 50% at best. The other 50% is a theory that I am gay and have negative feelings about that. I don't know what to believe.

every time you post a compulsion, I'll remind you, take that on board.

Then you work at resistance of not doing it.

Could you try ?

Compulsion

Edited by legend
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Thanks. I read other peoples problems on here to try to see a similar theme. What strikes me is that the majority (not all I know) seem to know its just their ocd acting up. I think non sexual themes are easier to recognise because they seem more irrational or for want of a better word 'crazy'.

People without ocd do struggle with their sexuality and share many of the same negative thinking patterns as hocd people do and to me it seems like they could easily be mixed up.

I was bullied at age 12/13 everyday in school and called fag and queer etc.. I cant help but feel that maybe I chose to be straight rather than it being natural in my case and now that my teenage hormones have declined I can only get aroused to men even if I dont want to.

And the 'Dont want to be aroused' could be because of being brought up in a homophobic environment or it could be down to ocd. I just cant recognise which.

This doesnt mean I dont value everyones opinion on here. Its just when I see a guy and my crotch suddenly jolts into arousal it's very very hard to believe its not down to being gay.

I have been afraid of having diseases in the past but all my obsessions past in a year or two max. This has been going on 7.5yrs which makes me think it's not just an obsession but its true.

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