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Was this an OCD urge or not?


Guest OCDsufferer9

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I suffer from POCD. I know how urges in OCD are common because I've experienced them before but never like this. I got this image of a naked child and suddenly I felt like I wanted to touch him with the exception that this time, I had this feeling that it was a true desire, like the feeling you usually get when you want to be with someone or have sex with someone. What was it?! How come I felt this feeling? Like I really wanted it? Like, there was a spark in my heart. How could that be possible?! :(

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No, think about it.

You come here, ask the same questions and get the same answers on a regular basis yet you're not getting any better.

You know how OCD works and you know what to do when you feel like this. How about putting some of that knowledge into practice?

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Guest OCDsufferer9

No, think about it.

You come here, ask the same questions and get the same answers on a regular basis yet you're not getting any better.

You know how OCD works and you know what to do when you feel like this. How about putting some of that knowledge into practice?

So you tried testing me to see how I would reply? Why did you say then it probably isn't OCD? You got me confused here now. I guess I'm afraid because this type of urge has never occurred. It felt more real and was accompanied by a feeling like a true desire from the heart. That's why I'm scared. I even felt something in my crotch. I mean, is this all possible?

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I only reflected back to you what you wrote.

You said it felt like a true desire such as when you're with someone you want to be sexual with.

Or is this just another obsession?

Edited by Ascend
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Guest OCDsufferer9

I only reflected back to you what you wrote.

You said it felt like a true desire such as when you're with someone you want to be sexual with.

Or is this just another obsession?

I don't want to be with kids! I said it felt like that but I don't want to be with kids! What I'm feeling is unwanted. It's bothering me a lot, It scares me. But how am I supposed to ignore that I got that feeling like a spark coming from my heart when I had that image?! It scares me :(

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Then how do you move forward from this? What are your options?

Then how do you move forward from this? What are your options?

I'm so sorry to ask questions over and over again. I'm beginning to hate myself for all this. I feel sorry for myself for having this. I'm just a complete failure. I have always done the right thing. I don't deserve this. It's just because this time it felt different and that I felt that my inner desires responded to it :(

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Guest OCDsufferer9

You ignored my question. You're catastrophizing because you had an intrusive thought.

What can we do to move forward?

I can sit with these feelings. It's hard, though because a person just told me I am a pedophile on an OCD page.

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But it's not different :)

If I had the time I could search through your threads and show examples of when you've had/said this hundreds of times (with slight variations) The variations don't matter.....if you let them you're going to be shackled to this, treating every tiny variation as a new threat, a new issue. You have to treat the whole package (with it's variations) as OCD.

You've got to take the blow full on when it strikes and move forward. You have to try and resist the compulsions.

You've done this before.....don't let a new battle catch you out

Caramoole

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Guest OCDsufferer9

But it's not different :)

If I had the time I could search through your threads and show examples of when you've had/said this hundreds of times (with slight variations) The variations don't matter.....if you let them you're going to be shackled to this, treating every tiny variation as a new threat, a new issue. You have to treat the whole package (with it's variations) as OCD.

You've got to take the blow full on when it strikes and move forward. You have to try and resist the compulsions.

You've done this before.....don't let a new battle catch you out

Caramoole

I feel so low. I just want to cry. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I'm a pedophile or if I want to be with children. This sucks. It scares me because I don't want to be with children. I just don't know how I could have felt that spark in my heart, like a desire but this time, it felt like it was true, very different that usual...

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No one's told you you're a paedophile.

You're just shaping the situation to fit your own negative image of yourself.

The point is I don't know you, I don't know who you are and what your true desires are. I'm not going to offer you reassurance because we both know it gets us nowhere.

You can live a decent life without having to figure out the answers to these questions. Surely that should be the end goal?

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It's the same thing over and over, OCD9. What you wrote in this thread is no different than in the many other threads you started. This time is no worse that all the other times before. As Caramoole said, you've got to step back and see this all as OCD. Stop looking at each individual instance. Look at the big picture.

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Guest LauraMac

I don't want to be with kids! :(

So you have answered your own question here.

You don't want to be with kids so you don't act on a thought, an urge or whatever else. Does a thought of cheating in an exam make you a cheater, or is it the action that makes you a cheater? It's the action. You could have a thought about cheating in an exam and decide no I'm not going to. So you don't, you just get on with your work. Under the way you think, this would make you a cheater, even though an action wasn't done. Under your thinking the thought would make you guilty.

You need to see this for what it is, OCD.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I went to my therapist yesterday and she told me that she does not have a reason to doubt I am a good person. In fact, she told me that she still thinks it is all a product of OCD. I just had this huge urge and it felt so real but I'm really trying my best to sit with the thoughts and just label them as OCD and not seek reassurane even though it's so hard!

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I just saw this picture of a little kid and I could honestly feel myself touching him, like my lips etc...it was awful but it felt so real :( Ugh Hope its not !

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Guest LauraMac

I just saw this picture of a little kid and I could honestly feel myself touching him, like my lips etc...it was awful but it felt so real :( Ugh Hope its not !

This is the age odd problem of when you're trying not to think of something, you think of it more. It's typical pink elephant stuff! I'm sure you've heard of the pink elephant idea. The idea being when you try not to think of a pink elephant you think of it. Your brain is automatically asking yourself if you're having these feelings. Youre constantly checking that you're not, which is making you have them more. For instance if I was to constantly ask myself if my leg was itchy, I'd end up with a itchy leg. That's the way the brain works. You need to work on distancing yourself from these automatic thoughts and sitting with them when they do arise. The constant obsessing and asking yourself whether you are having feelings isn't helping. I know it's tough to stop but it's something to work on. Asking for reassurance on here isn't helping you to be honest. It's a safety behaviour, it hinders you before ever helping. You know this theory stuff better than many people, you just have to put it in action. You need to change things. Action is the only way to beat OCD. No action to change things, no let up.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

This is the age odd problem of when you're trying not to think of something, you think of it more. It's typical pink elephant stuff! I'm sure you've heard of the pink elephant idea. The idea being when you try not to think of a pink elephant you think of it. Your brain is automatically asking yourself if you're having these feelings. Youre constantly checking that you're not, which is making you have them more. For instance if I was to constantly ask myself if my leg was itchy, I'd end up with a itchy leg. That's the way the brain works. You need to work on distancing yourself from these automatic thoughts and sitting with them when they do arise. The constant obsessing and asking yourself whether you are having feelings isn't helping. I know it's tough to stop but it's something to work on. Asking for reassurance on here isn't helping you to be honest. It's a safety behaviour, it hinders you before ever helping. You know this theory stuff better than many people, you just have to put it in action. You need to change things. Action is the only way to beat OCD. No action to change things, no let up.

I know you are right, I know that. But because it feels so real that I feel like THIS TIME it sure is real. Or that I'm ignoring the problem and using OCD as an excuse.

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