Justine

Bruces you sound very depressed. You can't change the past so not point dwelling on it but have a think about what you want in future and what you could do to help get that. Firstly I saw you are 43, that isn't old, 83 is old ? so that's one issue off plus can't change your age pointless worrying about it. Surround yourself with people older than yourself helps though! Skin issues I would get help from a dermatologist if not already. Lots of people have skin issues, not great but doesn't need to ruin your life. Fat, well I don't know if that's true but either learn not to care, lose weight or exercise more. Start at home or get to the pool or gym young man. Friends is sad but if you start say getting a hobby so your only topic of conversation isn't how awful your life is, friends will come but I don't think its doing you any good not fighting the negative thinking and saying your life will be permanently awful. Your jobs not worth anything, it is by definition, though if you want a better one work on a plan, would retraining help. Don't accept any negative thinking, if someone says its not possible because of x challenge it they say no again challenge again. I do this with lots of things and 95 percent of time person B backs down. The other 5 percent I get their manager to overrule them. ? Relationships similar to friendships and I think sometimes you are better to get yourself a bit better first. Don't know if this is any help but think you need to fight the negativity, maybe general counselling to work on a more positive outlook would help, doesn't even have to be positive neutral would be a start. I speak on another forum with a 26 year old with terminal cancer and she's always carrying on so it is possible however dire life is to make the best of it. You need to do something unless you enjoy moaning. I have met professional moaners. I am married to one and I tell him to do something or quit moaning.

It didn't sound like that but when people hate themselves they are higher risk for entering abusive relationships and I just wanted to check you were OK as people often hide it or feel they deserve it. Sometimes taking a break helps as long as you have support, being on here can make you think about ocd 24/7.

When you say you blamed your partner he isn't hurting you at all is he?

He must have remembered as he said he felt like kissing you, he wouldn't have said that if he had kissed you. Though if its 2 years ago just forget about it either way.

I find staying in generally causes you to go downhill quite rapidly as its basically ocd 24/7 via avoidance plus you feel useless. You are best to use therapy but in the meantime going out would be an improvement even if is say once a week initially. Your OCD like most OCDs is taking something which is pretty much zero risk and making it into a monster. I may have led a sheltered life but I've never came across sperm outdoors or anyone excited by shopping trolleys and have therefore never cleaned due to that and never got ill from it. I have contamination ocd and also historical abuse - two are probably linked as one started other but I am not sure speaking about abuse helps ocd, it needs cbt therapy for ocd. Private is a lot quicker but expensive. I find waiting 15 minutes helps and I can calm down sometimes with waiting. In that time I challenge the thought quickly like its a yellow stain semen is white I am ignoring it move on. The more you resist compulsions the better, it feels like you are taking an irresponsible risk and you panic more initially before improving but remember ocd is a liar and a bully. Though mine is pretty bad so not the best person to give advice, therapist should give you best methods, but been through therapy before and it works amazingly well if you persist. You need an ocd specialist. Kids do get all kinds of stains, the world isn't sterile, but they survive. Hope things get better for you.

I think you need to start being a lot kinder to yourself, when I had therapy that was my first cbt challenge. So maybe try having no negative thoughts about you, you are not a bad person, immoral, you have ocd and you need help to come through that. Ocd tricks you into thinking you may have done things you haven't that disgust you. People who cheat don't say its immoral, at least married men I have worked with, when I have told them I don't approve are the opposite of you they don't think its a big deal, they minimise it and justify it blaming their partner not themselves. I don't approve of cheating but realistically something like 50 percent of men do it and only a bit lower with women, its life. Its normal to feel attracted to others. Its normal to flirt a bit. Its normal to be alone at times with others. Its normal to go out and want to have a good time. Nothing you have done is wrong other than listening to your ocd which is tricking you into believing you cheated. Stay with your partner, get help and why not start doing that exercising, you could start at home if you can't face going out, put some music on and do some sit ups or similar. Exercise does help with depression. Swimming or aerobics can be really good, start once a week.

I thought people with no ocd tendencies (certainly in what type you are seeking treatment in) are generally better as they push you to take more risks. Probably varies by therapist, someone kind but firm is what I preferred.

My GP has sent me for 5 cancer checks in past year, mainly due to bleeding, keeps saying I don't think you've got cancer but I am just sending you for this cancer check to prove I am right. I get more sceptical he doesn't believe it each time ? Some have been under general anaesthetic. It does make you a nervous wreck even for those without ocd anxiety. I don't have HA but contamination ocd so hate it but if doctor thinks its needed it needs checking though obviously be sensible. All mine have been negative. He appears to have finally stopped, phew. Though occupational health now want me to do a further test of a brain and spine MRI. I am currently ignoring them and I think it would be clear. From cases I have seen doctors normally have a fair idea beforehand, some people are told to expect a cancer diagnosis. You normally just get other minor issues revealed. Even people I know with cancer say worst bit is the wait, once they know they can get on with fighting it. I chat online sometimes to a very inspirational 26 year old with terminal cancer and hearing her carry on with life puts it in perspective for me.

Sorry you're feeling so low Rexx. Your girlfriend cheating has nothing to do with ocd just a lack of morals. Relationships can end due to ocd but cheating isn't because of them. I think therapy is worth trying. You certainly aren't unique lots of us on here. Your ocd will focus on what scares you the most, that's how it works. Do you know why it scares you to think your body has changed? In therapy I was told to ask so what, who cares or think couldn't have happened and get on with things. I have different thoughts so if I had a thought like that would just think its silly and it might be cool to have a different foot. It's the meaning you are attaching to the thought that's causing distress. My thoughts are very distressing to me and when I tell others they laugh at them as its so obvious it wouldn't have happened but I can't see that. Hope you get better.

I think life always has ups and downs and its normal to reflect on losing the good times when you're down. You can't change the past though only the future. You need to stop beating yourself up about things going wrong, be kinder to yourself. If you achieved things before be proud of that and believe you can achieve them again not overnight but after a period of time. I have ocd pretty badly but have still had a number of very good jobs, husband, kids, holidays, just bought second house. Ocd makes things a challenge but not impossible. Ideal thing is therapy and cure it. I have not been great at therapy or reducing ocd but don't really dwell on that just find ways to work round it. It's second best but a lot better than thinking your life is over and you can achieve nothing. So in your case I would think look what I achieved before, I am capable of achieving things just not at my best now. What do I want to achieve? Then set yourself a target and find a way of achieving it. Don't set too much and if fail just try again. Life would be very dull if we had no emotions and just succeeded at everything. Sometimes losing a job gives an opportunity to sit back reflect and revise plans / retrain / refocus. It's kind of like seeing problems as opportunities to change things so lost job A, well hey I always wanted to do B, then do what is needed to do B. Lost partner, well chances are if they walked out when you needed them they weren't ideal. Its very hard to do this if depressed but I always find an action plan / to do list helps, feel like I am doing something, you also need some self belief. Maybe some general counselling might help too. Sorry a bit rambling, not terribly well at present.

Had more internal bleeding and collapsing etc and work forced me to be signed off and have difficulty breathing at times. More cancer tests but negative although showing enlarged adrenal gland. My doctor has now said its anxiety but Occ Health are questioning this and suggesting neurologist as dizzy collapsing going numb and brain fog at times. Not sure. Got a medic friend in US who I described all symptoms and rash I had after visiting rainforest a year ago, 2 inch oval rash and she says that's a Lyme rash and symptoms can all be caused by Lyme. Will try to get a diagnosis over here but its difficult, my doctor says he knows nothing about Lyme. To me I think this is right it also causes adrenal issues and can cause infections and bleeding etc. Quite how I get help for it I don't know but will try private have from work.

Sorry to hear that BelAnna. It's very normal to worry about cancer tests results though anxiety makes it worse. As you get older its more common to have cancer tests - I'm mid 40s and had 5 in the past year and am due a brain MRI though can't face anymore tests at the moment. With CT / MRI you generally don't get results over phone - infact I don't think any of my results have been over the phone and they've been negative for cancer though showing other issues. The doctors will take care of your Mum and do everything they can.

I think this is generalised anxiety rather than ocd and a lot of people are scared of shootings and/or terrorist attacks. It can help talking it through with a counsellor. The chances of being involved in anything are extremely small - if you compare the number of deaths with the population you can calculate the rate and its almost 0. The trick is to still carry on as you would do as much as possible once you are able to. I do think guns should be a lot more restricted in the US and students really shouldn't have to be worrying about this but doubt its going to change anytime soon. I don't think you can tell by looking at people or hearing rustling so I wouldn't bother checking that.

I also haven't heard back from the uterine biopsy and its been a month so that's got to be negative as expected. Quite depressing to now be at 4 hospitals - didn't think that would be until I was 80!

Sorry to hear about your hair loss IsthisReality - might be worth having a thyroid blood test as that can cause hair loss. I've never really had hair loss so I don't think ocd causes it though could be wrong. Had my operation now and fibroid removed. Got really ill after it and ended up in A&E but am just finishing 14 days double antibiotics so hopefully will improve soon. Should have killed off anything bacterial anyway. A&E told me to get an urgent cancer test and I've just had the initial appointment and the doctor thinks it won't be which is a relief as survival rate is dire on that type. Having full test in a couple of weeks. Hope everyone else is fine.