OCD about a Girl I Like

[NoahsArk]

Hey Guys,

This post requires a little bit of background, but I'll keep the background brief since I've already posted a lot on it: I am 35 and have been married 14 years, and have for the last five years considered separation. We are currently on good terms, but have been in kind of an on and off relationship.

Over a year ago I got a crush on a lady that cuts my hair. I invited her out one time, but she didn't come. However, she gave me her number and we had several conversations by text. One time she texted me asking me for a ride, but I didn't get her text on time. Any way, I never really told her that I liked her. She also knows about my relationship status.

I've been to her for a hair cut several times over the last year, and we are facebook friends. Lately the messages I've sent her have been general, and she didn't respond to a few of the recent ones. On Sunday, though, I was in a particularly good mood and I messaged her saying that I was in Heaven looking at her through the mirror. That post got her attention, and she told me that it was sweet and that she'd been thinking a lot about what I said. We proceeded to have one of the most interesting conversations I've ever had (we were messaging on facebook). She said she felt like it wasn't me, but a different person typing.

I felt that that was the happiest day of my life! Then the ocd came to kill it all! Yesterday I wanted to message her but couldn't. I just felt very uncomfortable talking to her because my profile on facebook, which is more than a year old, has me wearing my ring in it. The picture isn't in anyway focused on my ring, and she already knows my situation. Every time I message her on facebook, though, she can see the icon for my profile picture, even though when you message someone on fb their picture is small and you can't see the details very well unless you click to enlarge the picture. Anyhow, I've been obsessing all day on whether or not I should change the profile picture. It wasn't bothering me during our last conversation because I hadn't thought of it. Now, I just feel like by having a profile picture with me wearing a ring in it, it will remind her constantly of my status, even though she already knows it. I also wouldn't be changing my other pictures on facebook, so she could easily go into my albums and see other pictures of my ring and even of my wife. It's just that I think that by having it on my profile, which will appear most often to her, it will be more emphasized. I don't want to spend the time taking a new picture or finding a new one for a profile though, especially if this is all just a compulsion.

This is badly affecting me. Please help me with what's going on here.

Edited February 10, 2016 by NoahsArk

[ThreeTimesGuy]

Tread Very Carefully Dude!

TTG,

[NoahsArk]

Hi Stu,

Thank you for your response. I know that my post presents both OCD and non OCD issues. The later relate to marital issues thathappen to people without OCD. I know that a lot of people might find it wrong that I got a crush on someone else, and others might find it ok if it makes me happy. For right now, though, I want to separate the two issues from my post and try and attack the OCD part for now (although I know I'll need to figure out both in the long run). I just know that OCD is making me unhappy.

I just changed my profile and used a picture that I took in the car today when I was parked. Now I am having OCD that when people see this picture, they will think that I was driving when I took it. I think that now this will be a bad influence on others who might get the idea to take pictures in the car while driving, and then get into accidents. This is spinning way out of control. Should I delete the photo and put the old one back?

[Symps07]

Hi Noah,

You need to seperate the two issues (OCD & relationship), deleting this photo just sounds as though your OCD is pulling your strings. If so, then you need to deal with it accordingly.

As for the matters regarding you're personal life, thats upto you. Just don't let you OCD influence you in your decisions.

Best of luck

Symps

[NoahsArk]

Thanks Symps.

I actually already changed the profile picture this afternoon. The problem is that now I am thinking to delete the new one because I'm inside my car, and some people may think I was driving while I took it (even thought the car was stopped), and get the message that that's ok to do- especially younger people. I know it sounds silly, but that's what I keep thinking.

Edited February 10, 2016 by NoahsArk

[NoahsArk]

The problem now, and which has kept me stuck all day again, is no longer about the girl, it's about the new photo I posted for my profile which I am worried will cause someone a car accident. I know the chances are small that any one of my contacts on facebook would drive and take a photo as a reault of what I posted, but it only takes one person out of all my contacts. Also, this is a disincentive for me to try and build my business: the more people that know about me, the more will see the profile pic and the more chances of someone getting into an accident.

Synps, did you mean that I shouldn't change my original profile pic, or I shouldn't change the new one I put up.

I don't know why my ocd is raging so mich lately. Please help. This is no longer about any marriage issue- I'm totally stuck from everything.

[Symps07]

What I meant was, if it is your OCD that is telling you to change you picture because it may influence someone else to do something dangerous, then I would leave the pic as it is & live with the nagging feeling.

The more you give in to your OCDs demands then more affect it will have on you, that is most likely why it is raging so much with you at the moment as you are feeling stress over your picture & whether to change it. Since your already feeling anxious & stressed about this, then it is the perfect platform for your OCD to effect of parts of your life as well.

[Em24]

I agree with Symps. It sounds like your OCD is in play with the profile pic. Leave it as the car one.

Have u spoken to your partner about how u feel? I think thats the 1st thing you should do to be honest.

Also just be careful with the hairdresser. Its actually quite a common thing (I'm a hairdresser too) we are approachable and listen because its our job too. I'm not saying this woman isnt interested in you, if its gone as far as swapping numbers that seems like she is interested to me. But clients getting crushes does happen fairly often, hairdresser being asked out, sent flowers or being given HUGE tips etc.

But texting u to ask for a lift randomly? Sounds like a bit of a **** taker too. Don't let her play on your emotions.

Also if your partner was doing the same, how would that make u feel? I'm not trying to make u feel guilty but if u can imagine the situation was swapped, does it bother u? If not I would say chances are your relationship may have fizzled out. But after such a long time together it must be worth fighting for a little bit if u haven't both been already?

Good luck with whatever u decide

[NoahsArk]

Thanks guys.

Emma it was interesting to hear your perspective since you do the same work. What does "**** taker" mean? :-)

My ocd about the profile picture has kind of died down. Today I've just been stuck over my general situation, because I think my wife knows that I'm taking an interest in others, and I'm afraid of drama. Today things were peaceful, though, between us- its just I am having trouble concentrating at work. I want to stay together until our daughter is 18, and then maybe separate and be friends. We will be apart this summer for a month and a half like last summer, as we did separate vacations.

[ThreeTimesGuy]

Joe,

A **** taker, in this context would be someone that is playing you, shallow, superficial, this kind of thing, which it does sound like. Give me A pm buddy, I apologise, should have been there for you. If not, I'll keep an eye on your thread! Stu,

[NoahsArk]

Thanks Stu!

Look forward to talk soon.