How can I accept that it is all just OCD?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Lately, my OCD has been horrible. I started a new medication called Venlafaxine and I am actually feeling worse than ever. I haven't even eaten in 3 days. I have been laying on the sofa, sleeping, going for walks where I just feel completely numb (but I force myself to go), or obsessing over these thoughts. They start to feel more and more real and now I am having thoughts/urges like I want to masturbate or that I am going to masturbate to these thoughts and that I would probably like it. I get so panicked by these thoughts... and I don't want to do it but part of me feels like I do... I don't know why... maybe to test myself. But I know I couldn't live with myself if I did. I already feel like I want to die. I just can't take it anymore. I am so depressed and ALL DAY LONG I am feeling anxious. I don't know if it is the medicine or not but when I am getting anxious I keep getting this warm, tingly, anxious feeling in my chest and arms. And randomly my body seems to be overheating. I feel super tired and I'm not sure if it is the medicine or because I haven't been eating or because I am depressed now.

How can these thoughts/urges feel so real if they aren't? I am losing my mind! I just want to feel like I did before about my husband and not have these POCD thoughts anymore.

Edited December 16, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Caramoole]

Do you understand how OCD can make people feel and that many people suffer fears of being a paedophile? That this is a very common fear amongst sufferers?

Are you aware of how anxious and afraid OCD can make a sufferer feel?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Do you understand how OCD can make people feel and that many people suffer fears of being a paedophile? That this is a very common fear amongst sufferers?

Are you aware of how anxious and afraid OCD can make a sufferer feel?

I guess, I haven't ever been this bad (well, I have but that was when all of these thoughts first started, 8 months ago). Therefore, no, I still cannot figure out how OCD can make me have urges or make me think that I have urges to masturbate to these thoughts. I know these thoughts make me feel anxious, afraid and depressed but my brain keeps telling me I'm in denial or that I don't really have OCD. Then it feels like I actually am starting to lose my attraction to my husband and to other men and as if I am gaining attraction to kids. I just don't know how OCD can make me feel like that! I know that it is a common fear among OCD sufferers but I always feel like mine is different because I get urges or I get pictures of naked kids popping into my head and it feels like I think it is attractive. Ugh... I wanna die.

Edited December 16, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Guest OCDAY]

Hi Headabovewater,

If this was me I would say it's the new meds. I have been through so many, and ones that dont suit me give similar side effects.

Talk to tour GP ASAP. Thats what I do and can usually stop before having to taper.

[Symps07]

Hi HeadaboveWater,

I had/have this type of OCD & have had these types of thoughts where I think I enjoy it, I'm in denial, I'm a repressed pedo, etc....

They are just thoughts.

Your sex drive towards men is down because you are feeling so awful about the sexual thoughts you are getting, unfortunetly those thoughts are repulsive to you, but they are just thoughts, not repressed urges. Your mind is capable of producing all sorts of images & thoughts & OCD will go through these to find the one's that hurt you the most.

Don't let it.

Talk to someone (a therapist is best) other sufferers (like here) look up articles on OCD, etc...

You're doing great if you are looking for help after 8 months, it took me 13 years to finally say to someone, "I keep getting thoughts of sexual abuse, I can't stop them, I don't want them, what's wrong with me!", but when I finally did, it was the first day of my recovery, & with some patience, effort & a little trial & error, I made it through! So you definetly can! :original:

Just stay strong, try to remain positive & remember, They are just thoughts! :original:

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Hi Headabovewater,

If this was me I would say it's the new meds. I have been through so many, and ones that dont suit me give similar side effects.

Talk to tour GP ASAP. Thats what I do and can usually stop before having to taper.

I think the physical anxiety and the fact that I can't eat are due to the medicine. But, how does the medicine make me think that I actually enjoy these thoughts now and that I have urges to masturbate to these things. I feel like such a disgusting freak at the moment. I had to force myself to go for a walk to get out of my head for awhile. It helped but only a little. I still have the fear that I want to masturbate to these thoughts and that if I did I would really like it. God, why do we have to suffer this way??????

[taurean]

I think the physical anxiety and the fact that I can't eat are due to the medicine. But, how does the medicine make me think that I actually enjoy these thoughts now and that I have urges to masturbate to these things. I feel like such a disgusting freak at the moment. I had to force myself to go for a walk to get out of my head for awhile. It helped but only a little. I still have the fear that I want to masturbate to these thoughts and that if I did I would really like it. God, why do we have to suffer this way??????

Those thoughts and feelings are OCD as you do already know.

There is no value in the "why me?" question - we have OCD and we simply have to stand up to it, resist and we can begin to win back control.

But we have to be both patient and know that we must persevere.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Hi HeadaboveWater,

I had/have this type of OCD & have had these types of thoughts where I think I enjoy it, I'm in denial, I'm a repressed pedo, etc....

They are just thoughts.

Your sex drive towards men is down because you are feeling so awful about the sexual thoughts you are getting, unfortunetly those thoughts are repulsive to you, but they are just thoughts, not repressed urges. Your mind is capable of producing all sorts of images & thoughts & OCD will go through these to find the one's that hurt you the most.

Don't let it.

Talk to someone (a therapist is best) other sufferers (like here) look up articles on OCD, etc...

You're doing great if you are looking for help after 8 months, it took me 13 years to finally say to someone, "I keep getting thoughts of sexual abuse, I can't stop them, I don't want them, what's wrong with me!", but when I finally did, it was the first day of my recovery, & with some patience, effort & a little trial & error, I made it through! So you definetly can! :original:

Just stay strong, try to remain positive & remember, They are just thoughts! :original:

How long did it take you to get past these thoughts after you starting seeing a therapist? Was it a CBT therapist... did you do ERP?

I am starting an ERP next week with my therapist. I have been going to her for about 6 months but haven't done any ERP. I just cannot let the thoughts go. I feel like I am starting to agree with them more and more and that I really would like these sexual things. I keep having the urge (or thought - I don't know what it is) to masturbate to these thoughts and when I think of it, it feels like I would actually enjoy it. How is that possible? Am I just focusing too much? I keep going over it in my head and I can't stop because I just can't see how OCD can make you feel like you would enjoy that. I also worry.... is it possible to become a pedo because of having this obsession and these images in your head for so long?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Those thoughts and feelings are OCD as you do already know.

There is no value in the "why me?" question - we have OCD and we simply have to stand up to it, resist and we can begin to win back control.

But we have to be both patient and know that we must persevere.

Taurean, I feel like I WANT to masturbate to those thoughts of sexual acts with kids and it feels like I am thinking I would really enjoy it. HOW is that OCD?

[taurean]

Taurean, I feel like I WANT to masturbate to those thoughts of sexual acts with kids and it feels like I am thinking I would really enjoy it. HOW is that OCD?

because those feelings and urges are actually false messages from the OCD. It operates from within your brain so providing false information is easy for it.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

because those feelings and urges are actually false messages from the OCD. It operates from within your brain so providing false information is easy for it.

I know, if it is all OCD, I am doing all the wrong things but I am so afraid at this point because before I was pretty sure I didn't enjoy them and now I am almost certain that I do. It is horrible... I'm changing and I don't want to.

[taurean]

I know, if it is all OCD, I am doing all the wrong things but I am so afraid at this point because before I was pretty sure I didn't enjoy them and now I am almost certain that I do. It is horrible... I'm changing and I don't want to.

The more focus you give to OCD thoughts the stronger they become. that's what' s changed.

Determine to resist them and keep doing that and the opposite will be your objective. It's a battle, but its one to be won.

[Ascend]

We know we can't be sure it's OCD. This single fact was the biggest hurdle in my own recovery.

Once I finally began to accept that I couldn't be sure, that I had to accept the uncertainty, did I begin to make progress.

[Caramoole]

The more focus you give to OCD thoughts the stronger they become. that's what' s changed.

Taurean is right. It just means that at the moment your anxiety is so high that you've become very afraid and your brain is just whizzing round from one thought to the next. You're also probably trying to control the thoughts, make them stop, push them away....and this actually gives them more attention.

You (and many others) keep saying that you don't understand how OCD can do this. That is the one fact that everyone has to accept......even if you can't feel it right now. You have to look at the massive amount of information that's available, which tells you over and over that these sort of experiences are EXACTLY the type of thoughts that an OCD sufferer can have. You have to put down "But why" and take on board "It just does"

I know it's natural to want to find the piece of jigsaw puzzle that provides you with an answer that will give you peace.....but you have to really take on board that this is OCD and try not to endlessly answer the "Why" questions

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Taurean is right. It just means that at the moment your anxiety is so high that you've become very afraid and your brain is just whizzing round from one thought to the next. You're also probably trying to control the thoughts, make them stop, push them away....and this actually gives them more attention.

You (and many others) keep saying that you don't understand how OCD can do this. That is the one fact that everyone has to accept......even if you can't feel it right now. You have to look at the massive amount of information that's available, which tells you over and over that these sort of experiences are EXACTLY the type of thoughts that an OCD sufferer can have. You have to put down "But why" and take on board "It just does"

I know it's natural to want to find the piece of jigsaw puzzle that provides you with an answer that will give you peace.....but you have to really take on board that this is OCD and try not to endlessly answer the "Why" questions

Even when I feel a bit better and start trying to treat it as OCD - my brain is saying ''well, now if you get over this obsession then you will always wish you would of had sexual relations with kids because you would have liked it''. It feels like it is true somehow! That is still OCD? It doesn't feel like an intrusive thought, it feels like I will always wonder now because of these thoughts.

[Guest legend]

yes another dimension the ocd takes !

you wont always wonder because once cbt is implemented , youll be able to brush away the thoughts as meaningless junk

at the moment you are to afraid to to make changes because each time you attempt, it rebounds , thats what and how ocd works

trust in the cbt not the ocd

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

yes another dimension the ocd takes !

you wont always wonder because once cbt is implemented , youll be able to brush away the thoughts as meaningless junk

at the moment you are to afraid to to make changes because each time you attempt, it rebounds , thats what and how ocd works

trust in the cbt not the ocd

Thank you, Legend. Everything is just so overwhelming and REAL feeling at the moment. I only get small seconds of clarity and then a new thought pops up. I will start to read ''Brain Lock'' today because I do need more clarity on how all of this is possible. I still feel like I am not very educated in OCD and how it can send false messages that feel so real. Also, my therapist has been on vacation for 2 weeks and I am feeling really overwhelmed without seeing her.

[Guest legend]

even with good knowledge the power of ocd can overide it !! thats how powerful ocd is !!

but what we do know is that with good cbt it will and does get easier

one day at a time, itll get better

[Caramoole]

Everything is just so overwhelming and REAL feeling at the moment

If OCD didn't feel overwhelming and real it wouldn't have any power, it wouldn't be a problem.

Trust.....trust and be determined. Resolve to beat this

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

If OCD didn't feel overwhelming and real it wouldn't have any power, it wouldn't be a problem.

Trust.....trust and be determined. Resolve to beat this

Thank you, Caramoole. I appreciate your support. I want to beat OCD more than anything... I don't want to give up on myself and my life. Sorry for being so all over the place... that is just how my mind is working at the moment.

[Caramoole]

that is just how my mind is working at the moment.

I know and when your mind is in such an enormous spin it's hard to concentrate....but don't get pulled into doing the wrong things when the fear strikes. It's okay to be scared and confused but KNOW....even when everything is screaming otherwise, that the thing that's wrong with you is an anxiety condition, nothing more dubious or sinister.

One of the best bits of advice someone told me was when all else doesn't seem to work.....Be Determined, decide "I am going to beat this"

Try not to think this out ....recognise and "Accept" what's causing it....even when it's screaming otherwise. Trust me

[Guest ADD]

Google "nocebo effect" and read some of those articles. That'll explain to you how it's possible to have created unwanted psychosomatic symptoms. Beliefs have very powerful effects on the body. After all the body and cells are all communicating with the brain and signals.

[Symps07]

How long did it take you to get past these thoughts after you starting seeing a therapist? Was it a CBT therapist... did you do ERP?

I am starting an ERP next week with my therapist. I have been going to her for about 6 months but haven't done any ERP. I just cannot let the thoughts go. I feel like I am starting to agree with them more and more and that I really would like these sexual things. I keep having the urge (or thought - I don't know what it is) to masturbate to these thoughts and when I think of it, it feels like I would actually enjoy it. How is that possible? Am I just focusing too much? I keep going over it in my head and I can't stop because I just can't see how OCD can make you feel like you would enjoy that. I also worry.... is it possible to become a pedo because of having this obsession and these images in your head for so long?

I saw a CBT therapist. It took me a few months to get passed these thoughts, but the difference in terms of anxiety & believing myself to be a sicko & understanding I was suffering from OCD was huge after my first couple of sessions.

It isn't about letting the thoughts go, but understanding the meaning you are giving to them. These thoughts can't turn you into a pedophille, but they can made you believe you are one. If you liked them, then you wouldn't be having the anxiety you are having.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I just woke up and it is the middle of the night. I was doing fine when I first woke up and was able to let any intrusive thoughts go as I could see that they were false. Then I think I purposely tested myself to a thought... like almost automatically, so as to check. Now it feels completely real again. I am getting really anxious and I had to come lay in the living room to open the sliding door and get some cold air as I was starting to really get anxiety. The thoughts started to get worse and I felt like I had the urge to masturbate again. I don't even know if it is an urge or a thought because of the fear... but I seriously feel disgusting again. But I keep feeling like maybe I am just lying to myself. Why am I feeling like this again?!! Last night for a few hours I was doing so well and I could see it as OCD - now I am back to doubting.

Edited December 17, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Guest]

Why am I feeling like this again?!! Last night for a few hours I was doing so well and I could see it as OCD - now I am back to doubting.

Because compulsion:

Then I think I purposely tested myself to a thought... like almost automatically, so as to check.

And another obsession:

But I keep feeling like maybe I am just lying to myself.

It probably didn't end on this, too.