Guest Finalhaven Posted September 10, 2010 Share Posted September 10, 2010 Where to start. I was the "ugly" child and never had many friends till I got to university as such I've always had a fair few stigmas about my personality and appearance. As well as having a problem with people's perceptions of me, always wanting them to think extremely favourably of me, to the extent that I worked myself to breaking point 2 years in a row at university. Recently however I have started to really, really, annoy my good friends. I'm constantly fishing for compliments as it were, and I know it. I'm always feeling like I'm going to get fat at a moment's notice. I know I'm not fat, I'm a skinny *******, 6 foot and 130lb. Yet things like how I have a 6 pack in some lighting conditions and not others drives me to think that I'm getting much fatter during the day, even those if i just tense my muscles ping, there it is. I even studied lighting at university so I know full well that its only a matter of light diffusion and angle changing during the day, but it gives me no comfort. I'm constantly counting calories and trying to stick at around 2000 a day, though the second I go over, and a lot of the time even when I'm under I feel horrible. It's made much worse by my habit to binge eat when I get stressed. Its triggered even when I accomplish something, I'll go have a cookie, then gather, and another then, ping, packets gone, I total up the calories in my head then its straight to the mirror and scales to feel horrible about myself. I'm constantly telling my friends how I feel about it but now pretty much all I get back is a "you know my position on this". Which doesn't help when in my head I can see a visible difference, even though I haven't gained any weight since I was last at the gym a few months ago, a few month of having a fair few binge eats, this past entire week for example I've been over by 500-1000 cals every day (so 2500-3000). I have a mirror right beside me, so I'm always checking my stomach to see if I'm magically put on weight and its starting to drive me crazy. I only recently found out about BDD and its currently a tossup between BDD and anorexia nervosa seeing as I have a lot of symptoms of both. I just don't know where to turn for help given that I've managed to annoy all my friends. Link to comment
carolj Posted September 12, 2010 Share Posted September 12, 2010 Im really sorry I cant tell you whether you have BDD or not, only the experts can. Have you been to your doctor? If not I think as this is obviously causing you great distress, you should. I wasnt sure if you were still at uni, if so they usually have a good support network. Carol Link to comment
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