Jump to content

How can I stop being so hard on myself?


Recommended Posts

Hello all

I've probably asked this question before but I'm finding it really difficult. I am trying my hardest to get through the day but no matter what I do, nothing feels good enough.

I find I'm getting ill all the time very easily, tired all the time and I just feel there's a massive barrier across my brain and no matter what I do, I can't get past it. It really does feel sometimes that taking my life is the only way out. I just feel lost and trapped and so stuck inside my own head and I don't know how to make myself happy anymore. I just can't stop feeling like I've completely lost my way and I can't help anyone here because I can't help myself be the optimistic person I once was. I feel I've let myself down, let everyone else down and can't carry on the way I am. I'm dragging myself along; I've just had three days off and it was totally horrible because I felt so lost in my own head and I can't make myself happy. I can't stop worrying about everything and feel this is my status-quo; I'll never be able to stop worrying and I'm scared if I stop caring, I'll be awful. I just feel so helpless.

Sorry for this, but thanks for listening.

C x

Link to comment

Oh cub you poor thing. You sound like such a lovely kind caring person from posts I've read of yours. Remember that please!!

This is PCs making you feel like this. You need to treat these hopeless feelings just like intrusive thoughts and say I'll deal with this later and be really brave forcing yourself to get busy doin something.

Please don't give up, we are all in this together and you deserve to be happy.

Don't let ocd win! You can do this!!!! ?? big massive hugs xxxxxx

Link to comment

Oh cub you poor thing. You sound like such a lovely kind caring person from posts I've read of yours. Remember that please!!

This is PCs making you feel like this. You need to treat these hopeless feelings just like intrusive thoughts and say I'll deal with this later and be really brave forcing yourself to get busy doin something.

Please don't give up, we are all in this together and you deserve to be happy.

Don't let ocd win! You can do this!!!! ?? big massive hugs xxxxxx

Link to comment

Years ago I was a compulsive worrier cub and it was a habit that I struggled to break.

Then I came across the brilliant book by Dale Carnegie, written in the 1950's,called "How To Stop Worrying And Start Living" and got stuck into learning and practising its doctrines.

We OCD sufferers are often worriers too, it seems to go hand in hand. Worrying is a compulsion, and ruminating is similarly damaging and resolves nothing.

Link to comment

Aileen: Thankyou for the handy advice; I've been applying it and it's been really useful - coming back to it later. To some extent it's helped to clear my head rather than trying to find an instant solution on the spot, which is really helpful. Helps me take a step back.

it's very kind of you to call me caring but I do have days when I'm not sure I deserve happiness - but maybe that is too negative. I do know that the God I believe in loves me and a lot of people care about me - I just think I forget very easily and can be very self-pitying. But I'll try my best to be brave.

Silverlight: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful for you. :hug: I know how terrible this whole thing is and I am so sorry.

Taurean: Compulsive worrying is a cow and I really need to get that book. I feel I'm being kinder to myself following Aileen's advice but the worrying happens constantly and I just don't know how to stop it; feels as though there's a massive gap in my head and I don't know what to do about it, how to feel it with something good. Ruminating is damaging, I get that and I know I need to stop, because it hurts me and it hurts my head and I don't want that.

Anyway, let's keep going. Many thanks, everyone. :hug:

C x

Link to comment
Guest It'sOnlyNatural

Hi Cub,

Just wanted to say that I really understand what you're going through x

I know that sometimes feeling like that can feel like it'll go on forever. And I know how sometimes it can get to the point where you worry about worrying and you feel like it begins to define you.

But I promise you are not anxiety. You're not OCD and you have the ability to be happy. At the same time, that can feel very daunting, and honestly what I wished people would say more is that it is also ok to feel overwhelmed. Sometimes when it gets like this the best thing to do is say: there's no point in dealing with that now. Just do something else and come back to the thought when you're in a better frame of mind to deal with it :)

Your posts have helped me recently, and I'm sure many others too! So maybe you could try to imagine what you would say to me if I had started this topic...imagine you were giving advice to yourself, so to speak ;)

Hope you're ok xx

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi cub

Worry is constantly going over something without ever being able to find resolution.

Rumination is of a similar ilk,because it responds to the meaning being given to an obsessional intrusion and makes a connection - the more ruminating we do, the stronger the belief in the obsession.

The book I quote deals with worry in general, but not OCD, nor specifically worry attributable to some of the major cognitive thinking distortions - for these CBT techniques are necessary.

But it can help us realise the futility of worry, and ease away from the compulsive urge to do so in a range of different worry themes as covered by the book.

Edited by taurean
Link to comment

Hi Taurean

Worry is such a cow, right? Thanks for the advice. I've spent a lot of the last couple of years ruminating and in particular, mental checking, which is just going around in circles. At my work appraisal this week the OCD was brought to the table as I've been a bit swamped under by it all and very anxious. I came away with a mixed result which was very upsetting at the time, but the managers were very kind and told me that I do a good job and it's just my anxiety lets me down. Sadly, it's become a state of mind; I don't think I'm working hard enough to overcome it, truth be told.

I have, however, been working on not ruminating this week - I don't know if it's partly the anti-depressants, but I find putting a worry aside to deal with later helps and also just...not trying to find an immediate answer to things. Just letting myself be. I'll give it a go. I think I've just ruminated too much; I just wanted to do the right thing.

C x

Link to comment

I think you are prone to overthinking. Your appraisal sounds spot on.

Do be aware that if your OCD impacts upon your work, you may be able to exercise the disability part of The Equalities Act 2010 if you are working in the U.K.This would require your Employer to make "reasonable adjustments" to your working practices that would help you cope better re the OCD.

I think what you propose to continue doing from your last paragraph sounds sensible.

Link to comment

Thankyou very much for the tips, Taurean.

I am an overthinker and often dig deep, trying to set everything right; it's rather like a hobby, I feel! It's still very hard; I'm still not quite right, I will admit but I am focusing more on the moment and have had a really great three days off work. I'm a little nervous as I'm going to Evensong tonight and going to church is still a challenge for me. I want to get back on par with my belief system but my OCD and beliefs are so closely linked, which is a massive worry for me. We'll see what happens.

Since going on a small dose of citalapram - which took a while to work - I'm feeling a lot better. I used to feel so tired and hopeless all the time and couldn't encourage any enthusiasm for my hobbies and whenever I did my OCD would kick off. I felt very alone. I just slept and stayed in bed for hours. It was awful. Now, I'm getting stuff done; I know this is only short-term and am worried because when I'm on anti-depressants it's the only time my head clears. I miss being capable enough to do that on my own. :(

I'll try to be kind to myself and keep putting these steps in motion. Things do feel a lot easier; there are some things I still struggle with and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do certain things because of the OCD but we'll see.

C x

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...