Ask... Listen... Act

[Ashley]

For the last couple of years now I have been facilitating a monthly support group in Derby and Nottingham, and I have been fortunate enough to be assisted by one of my attendees turned volunteers, Nick.

Every month we give people the a safe, friendly and comfortable environment to open up about what OCD is putting them through, and making them feel, and by doing that generally conversation flows between guests helping and supporting each other with positivity and understanding. In fact, I view the best groups ones where Nick or I say very little. Occasionally we step in to clarify something or direct the conversation but I generally try and remain quiet.

People come and go from the groups, but generally we have a core group that are there most months, or dip in and out when they need additional support.

I think something where the support groups that we run are slightly different to the forum is that guests do have to sit and listen to the rest of the group. Of course there is no guarantee people will take it all in, but on the forum I sometimes get the sense some users type, but don't read.

This is a really important point, and not something I am saying to be bitchy.

The groups, just like the forums do have people at all different stages of the OCD journey, and varying ages and types of OCD. But, there is always something in common, even if it is simply understanding the feelings that OCD create, the intense feeling of needing things 'just right'. Those just starting out in the recovery journey do get something from hearing the experiences of people currently on top of the OCD wave. One person whose overcome horrible OCD thoughts about hurting children described this week how they felt, and used the phrase the group had discussed previously "You can't stop the waves (ie. intrusive thoughts), but you can learn to surf them (not be submerged in them)". I heard three or four people talk this week who have been coming to my groups for 1-2 years each. All of them talked about activities they can now do, be it babysitting, sitting on a sofa after being out, leaving the house without checking.... these are all things that those people could not have done a year ago.

I don't for one minute suggest the group made the difference, they made the difference themselves but what I am suggesting (that they have all indicated) that by being at the group and listening to others experiences helped them understand their OCD better and gave them the conviction to 'try'.

Bit of a longer waffle that I had intended, but the point I am making is this. If you use our forums and are struggling with OCD that is ok, it's ok if you are on here a long time too. But you won't make progress unless you listen to the good advice (here or at a group) and then somehow find it within you to try and put that good advice into action.

Ask... Listen... Act

[butterfly lady]

Well said Ashley. And to act takes superhuman strength but the results are so worth it.

[taurean]

Totally sums up things really well

[Cub]

I can't help feeling I've let people and myself down by not doing this enough. Thankyou, Ashley. ♡

[taurean]

You can improve that statement cub in a powerful CBT way by taking out the words that hold you back and are OCD at work.

Look back at your post and highlight all the first part up until "by not doing this enough".

If you drop the OCD bits highlighted and substitute "I can help myself to get better if I change my approach, as I see I am not doing this enough - thank you Ashley" look how that switches focus away from those OCD intrusions that hold you back.

This is a valuable exercise cub.Look at your self-talk and see the OCD distortions in it. Then see how you might change that thinking more beneficially :original:

[gingerbreadgirl]

Good post.

[Ashley]

I can't help feeling I've let people and myself down by not doing this enough. Thankyou, Ashley. ♡

I don't think you have let anybody down Cub. But, even if you have it's never too late to change.

Some people at my group have been coming many years and only now are starting to move forward. That is ok, because they stuck at listening and eventually over time something's been said that made the difference. So I guess that's the bottom line, even if you are not yet ready or in a position to act, that's ok provided we keep listening to the 'good' advice with the intent of one day being able to act.

[Saz]

I hope I get to that point soon Ashley x

[taurean]

Ashley's words are wonderful

I know the story of so many sufferers on here and I totally echo his thoughts. You can know an awful lot about this illness but unless we follow his own example, and do what he says, we will not improve.

[carlleo123]

I wish you ran a support group where I am Ashley I really feel I could open up with people who fully understood my form of ocd without judgement !

[Ashley]

Thanks for your kind words all. I think there is a group in Hull Carlleo, although I don't know the people running it so I don't know what format it takes or how it is run. But on the assumption it is ok, perhaps it is worth going along, and if it's not for you, no need to go again

[carlleo123]

Thanks Ashley, I'll have a look into that