OCD has taken over me since 1982

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

Frankly I'm at my wits end. Started developing OCD symptoms at the age of 9, but didn't get diagnosed officially until my 20s. In my teens I was treated for depression with medication. I'm now 43. How I've lived this long is only down to the support of my family. I'm currently taking the highest daily dose of Sertraline - 300mg plus 300mg of Pregabalin. I've tried every suitable drug in the medical dictionary literally. They only help the depression. I've had counselling, 3 lengthy courses of CBT and support from a good Psychiatric Nurse. I've even seen doctors at the Maudsley Hospital in London, but these only seem to be a short term solution to ease the OCD. I've joined a local support group and read all the books looking for a permanent solution, but to no avail. I've been disabled from work for over 10 yrs because of OCD. It has literally ruined my life. I spent every day trapped in a cycle of checking rituals and constantly being hounded with distressing thoughts. I've lost all hope. I feel my life is over. If it weren't for my family, I'd kill myself! Last time I saw a health professional was over a year ago and the general consensus of all my doctors was that this is going to be 'as good as it gets' and I need to accept this. This is a joke. Treatment options have barely changed in decades and I've tried every one of them. Sorry for the lengthy post, but like I said I'm at my wits end and desperate for a solution. I don't think there is one, but I thought I'd try this as a last resort.

[bruces]

Like I've said before better treatments need to be found to stop the suffering for all of us

[frankie]

I am so sorry you are going through so much pain , please tough this out and keep seeking help and support

Take care

[Phili]

Frankly I'm at my wits end. Started developing OCD symptoms at the age of 9, but didn't get diagnosed officially until my 20s. In my teens I was treated for depression with medication. I'm now 43. How I've lived this long is only down to the support of my family. I'm currently taking the highest daily dose of Sertraline - 300mg plus 300mg of Pregabalin. I've tried every suitable drug in the medical dictionary literally. They only help the depression. I've had counselling, 3 lengthy courses of CBT and support from a good Psychiatric Nurse. I've even seen doctors at the Maudsley Hospital in London, but these only seem to be a short term solution to ease the OCD. I've joined a local support group and read all the books looking for a permanent solution, but to no avail. I've been disabled from work for over 10 yrs because of OCD. It has literally ruined my life. I spent every day trapped in a cycle of checking rituals and constantly being hounded with distressing thoughts. I've lost all hope. I feel my life is over. If it weren't for my family, I'd kill myself! Last time I saw a health professional was over a year ago and the general consensus of all my doctors was that this is going to be 'as good as it gets' and I need to accept this. This is a joke. Treatment options have barely changed in decades and I've tried every one of them. Sorry for the lengthy post, but like I said I'm at my wits end and desperate for a solution. I don't think there is one, but I thought I'd try this as a last resort.

Oh, I really want to huge you, I know your pain so intently. If only you had my psychologist. If CBT is not working, what about ERP? You sound to me like you need a really good specialist in OCD. Also it sounds like you have had therapy in fits and farts and that wont work. You need to keep at it.

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

Oh, I really want to huge you, I know your pain so intently. If only you had my psychologist. If CBT is not working, what about ERP? You sound to me like you need a really good specialist in OCD. Also it sounds like you have had therapy in fits and farts and that wont work. You need to keep at it.

My first CBT session lasted for 2 years, my second was a disaster (she literally dismissed me after a month because CBT wasn't going to help me) and my third session lasted for a year. Last one worked best, but after CBT has finished the OCD tries to find alternative ways to creep back in. The Maudsley Hospital in London have the top specialists on OCD in the UK, but even they said CBT can't last forever. I've been discharged now to make room for other patients. I don't think the NHS will help me any further. I've had my quota of treatment over the years and I've been told there are hundreds on the waiting lists. To be honest I've come to the conclusion after decades of suffering that none of the current treatments work long term. Their purpose is to give you a glimmer of hope that you will recover - otherwise suicide rates would soar and no government wants that on their watch. But for me there is no hope unfortunately. I can't remember a time when I wasn't afflicted with OCD and now I'm in my 40s I've accepted I will be as long as I live. On the plus side I have no fear of death - I'd finally get some bloody peace! Lol Edited May 3, 2016 by OCD_Est.1982

[Caramoole]

Can you identify in any way why CBT approaches aren't helping?

If CBT isn't helping then you clearly still believe the obsessions/fears have truth, which they don't

Do you have any incline as to why? Is it that the anxiety is just so high?

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

Thanks to everyone for your kind words of support. I'd be happy to offer my support to those who want it - not necessarily about OCD, but how to work round the benefits system to get the help your entitled to in the UK. It's a minefield that's taken me years of practice to navigate through.

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

Can you identify in any way why CBT approaches aren't helping?

If CBT isn't helping then you clearly still believe the obsessions/fears have truth, which they don't

Do you have any incline as to why? Is it that the anxiety is just so high?

CBT taught me to see them for what they are - obsessions, but what it hasn't taught me is how to make the intrusive thoughts stop altogether. I'm basically tired of battling them and the compulsions they try to trigger 24/7. Hence why I'm still awake at gone 2.30am - they even invade my dreams. All I want is some peace and quiet. I'm getting too old for this anymore.

[Ashley]

CBT taught me to see them for what they are - obsessions, but what it hasn't taught me is how to make the intrusive thoughts stop altogether.

Is that what you think CBT is about? In order to overcome OCD we can't and shouldn't be trying to stop the thoughts, the whole idea around CBT is to focus on changing the way we respond to the thoughts (not just see them for what they are). Once we change our emotional response to the thoughts, the frequency of them will naturally disappear, and when they do pop up it wont matter.

Remember, every single person alive, OCD or not, have unwanted intrusive thoughts. It is how we deal with that that makes the difference.

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

I know all that and I put all the strategies into play, but the frequency doesn't naturally fade away. Never has. It's constant. Been 24/7 for as long as I can remember.

[Ashley]

I know all that and I put all the strategies into play, but the frequency doesn't naturally fade away. Never has. It's constant. Been 24/7 for as long as I can remember.

But that is not what you posted. If the obsessions are not fading, then I am going to hazard a guess that the cognitive aspect still needs some work, and is it possible that somehow perhaps even subconsciously there is some neutralising compulsion taking place which is why the obsessive fear stays, and thus the thoughts stay?

[Guest Berylchigley]

Hi.. Apologies for the long comments in advance, I'm just want to help so much :-( ... I have only been suffering from OCD for two years and I am 49 years old. I cannot begin to image the torture you must have faced all of these years. I'm new to this site and was told by my therapist not to continue to use the Internet due to me for the first year constantly searching for cures. I had a tramatic 10 year period after I lost my father after nursing him with prostrate cancer. Then In 2014 a really horrific thing happened to a friends mum ( scared to put what due to triggers for you ) within days I was a wreck. I went to see the practice nurse at the local surgery and now know her response was disgraceful. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was suffering from intrusive thought. I paid to see a private psychiatrist who put me on pregabalin. Horrific!!

I also paid to see an amazing cbt therapist who I see when I need to and without her and the support of my family, I believe I would not be here. I am the owner of a business and lead a very busy life. I cannot sit back and it is not due to the OCD but how I am as a person, very inquisitive and believe in trying to find what is the best for me, foods! Meds, therapy anything to help . My therapist believes it is compulsion but I want to find things to help. I came across a site by chance called mercola.com that has a lady who does tapping techniques. I honestly and truly believe it is the best thing by far that is helping me along. I finally get the " go with the thought" and find this helps me to go into the thoughts and take the fear away. I don't know if anyone on here has tried it?

I believe the only people who are the specialist in this torturous disease are the people who live it every minute of the day. What ever dr, therapist we see can help a little but it is us that have to help ourselves too. I cannot just sit there and let this take my life. I try to eat very healthy food too. I am totally against medication because I'm scared of the side effects and what they have done to me.

If you haven't tried tapping I urge you to give it a chance. Please try to attach yourself back to life. I'm trying to do things I've always wanted to do but haven't and also I'm doing things I did before and enjoyed. I've also started new hobbies like crafting to keep focused. My worse times are on a night. I go to sleep every night by trying to listen for 5 different noises to switch the thinking to hearing senses. It's hard because the thoughts creep in but I switch back after acknowledging they are there.

Any tips I can pass on that may help a little just to ease any pain or to help in anyway I will. I don't believe for a second that cbt is exhausted for you. Nhs and their policies are discusting. I do pay for my treatments and I am lucky to be able to do that. I have become a member on this site and donate. I donate to charities on a regular basis but will only from now on be donating for OCD.. No one knows till they suffer themselves th extent of what this does and I wish with ever fibre of my being there will be a cure found soon. I hope you don't mind me commenting because you are probably the best at this but I'm learning fast.

Good luck and big hugs to all X

[Filter]

Hey OCD_Est1982,

On the plus side I have no fear of death - I'd finally get some bloody peace! Lol

Then you might as well start resisting your compulsions - what's the worst that can happen? I think Ashley might be right in that there could be a complex system of mental compulsions going on that you haven't noticed/realised yet that are keeping the obsessive-compulsive loop going and going - that was the case for me too anyway (and in my case I was also for example doing a lot of 'confessing' which I didn't even realise was a compulsion).

I'm not 100% sure but I think there's a chance a couple of articles I've read might help you. They're the first couple of results if you type in "obsessing about obsessing" into google - "Obsessing about obsessing: when OCD goes meta" from Psychology Today, and "The Cruelest Obsession: Obsessing about Obsessing" from laocdtreatment.

Hope you start feeling better soon

Edited May 15, 2016 by Filter

[Guest Hope84]

Don't give up. That is what I will say. Remember, this OCD has also become a habit, a way your mind is used to thinking and analysing. You have had it for a very long time! So you need to work very hard to break this habit and your way of thinking.

Seek help and don't give up. you will find it. There is so much advancement now with research, therapy, the internet, etc. Support is there.

Don't forget the power you can also have on your treatment.