Feeling suicidal

[pureosufferer]

Please help.

I started CBT a few weeks ago. I'm finding the ERP extremely difficult. Today the ERP I did seemed to me to confirm to me that my unwanted thoughts and urges were actually wanted. I can't get rid of these thoughts and now, disturbing as they are, they seem to me to not be intrusive anymore. I feel like the only way to stop me acting on the thoughts is to kill myself.

I have felt suicidal with OCD before but I've ever felt like the intrusive thoughts were so real and that I'd stopped fighting them.

Someone please, please, please help, if anyone else has had similar experiences please let me know because I am on the verge of ending it all if I can't confirm that it's just the OCD and not just me.

[Em24]

Hi I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Please contact The Samaritains if you are feeling low.

We have all been where you are now. I have been suicidal in the past. Honestly it really does get better and there is hope, it's your fight and it can get better xx

[pureosufferer]

Thanks EM24,

I can't contact The Samaritans as I'm not in the UK.

I just can't cope anymore and don't know what to do.

[Em24]

Do u have anyone you could speak to xx

[pureosufferer]

My mum back in the UK and my gf here. They're both worried but they can't do anything to help.

[bruces]

I feel for you as I feel exactly the same way

[Cub]

POS, I am so sorry you're feeling like this. If you're feeling suicidal, then please go and see a doctor, or if you feel you may act on the thoughts, go to the hospital. Don't be afraid to seek medical help; you deserve to be alive.

I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts on and off for the past three years; before I got my current job, I was seriously considering it. Then it went away and then, for several reasons, it just grew and grew over the last few months. I was in a very similar place to you over the winter; like you I was scared the thoughts were real, not just intrusive and I came that close to taking a one-way trip into the park to stop the pain. Instead, I called Samaritans - although I understand that that's not an option for you - and then I called my Dad. Then I went to the doctor. It's been very hard. So I completely understand your pain; right now, I'm in a bit of a numb state where I know it would be more sensible to stay alive but at the same time, I can't say I care that much about dying. I'm not feeling alive-alive-oh, but I'm trying.

Please don't be afraid to seek the help you need. We're all here for you. :hug:

C x

[pureosufferer]

Thanks for the advice, but going to a doctor is not really an option for me either in this country.

I have never felt like the intrusive thoughts were so real before. I really don't know what to do.

[*smile*like*you*mean*it*]

I hope you are okay

I know you feel bad now but it will pass

Try and get a good nights sleep always helps me

Take care, thinking of you

Stay strong

[pureosufferer]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm feeling a little less suicidal now but still not 100%. I just can't shake the feeling that these thoughts are real. These thoughts are still coming and are not disturbing me. I'm having a hard time convincing myself that they're unwanted as, just from today, they feel so real.

I've had several OCD free years but the intrusive thoughts started up again a couple of months ago. I'm now at the end of my tether. The ERP is making everything much, much worse.

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

I'm not a professional, just a fellow sufferer, but a tip I've learned is to tell myself 'they are thoughts rather than facts' and therefore are not proven to be real.

I know these techniques don't always help every time, but it's worth a try. If all else fails go and watch a film with your gf. Sometimes focusing on something else stops you focusing on the instrusive thoughts.

One other thing is to try and resist 'convincing' yourself. I call this 'neutralising' an unwanted thought. It just makes you focus on your anxieties more and increases your doubts. Best to do nothing at all.

I know it's hard, but my therapist used to make me chuckle with an example - "Now you mustn't think about pink fluffy bunnies. Erase them from your mind" she would tell me. Then a minute later she ask me what I was thinking about. "Pink fluffy bunnies" I'd chuckle. She'd made her point.

Hope this may help. Chin up mate. You know it's just a bad patch that we all go through. It will ease.

[pureosufferer]

Thank you all for your advice and support. I feel much better today even though I haven't slept (I spent the whole night panicky and in tears). I no longer feel immediately suicidal although I still feel quite bad with regards to my intrusive thoughts. I had to force myself to go to work today and it really was a chore just to walk down the street, but it's still an improvement on how I was feeling yesterday.