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New Sufferer in need of some advice (intrusive thoughts)


Guest Davey

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Hello, I don't really know how to start with this.. when I was a 9 year old child a thought came to me one day "you wish your mother was dead" and it absolutely destroyed me from there on out this started a whole world of bad thoughts worries depression compulsions for months on end. I got over this and didn't have another problem until I was 17 when it all started again I can't remember how or why, I was prescribed sertraline and finally got over it. 10 years have went by since then, for the past two years I've had symptoms of anxiety (freaking out in barbers wanting to run mid haircut, wanting to get out mid movie with girlfriend, uneasy around the dinner table)(also uneasy thinking I might hurt or lash out at loved ones) but these stints of anxiety were few and far between up until recently.. 2 weeks ago I went for a work medical and panicked during a blood pressure reading, I got a high reading and she sent me to the G.p, whilst I was there I asked for something to help with anxiety and he prescribed 50 mg sertraline. Foolishly I took 2 on the Wed and Thurs (before last weekend) without giving it any real research. As the weekend came I felt bad and stopped taking the tablets, on a weekend away with the girlfriend I felt worse and broke down in a pub, I started to feel as bad as when I was a child again! I've been having horrible thoughts about harming my loved ones, confusing and horrible thoughts it's terrible it's like a form of self torture because these are the people I love the most. I went back to docs on the following Monday he prescribed me 45 mg of mirtazapine and reffered me to mental health team. I looked into tablets and worried that these would make me worse as they are another anti depressant, that night I didn't take one and had the worst night every freaking out with anxiety I nearly rang for an ambulance. I went to a and e the next day and mental health liason team told me circumstances to a psychiatrist who said I should take 15mg of mirtazapine and wait for therapy (2 weeks time). On Wednesday I seen a private therapist who tried to help me move these horrible thoughts into the "garbage bin pile" of my mind were they belong. I've been taking the tablets since then and slept well but all day everyday my mind has been racing I've had no peace at all thinking I'm going mad and battling with horrible thoughts and and thoughts of me getting worse no matter how hard I try to calm myself, thinking what if this tablet makes bad. It's been a decade since I last felt like this I'd all of forgotten about it and I have absolute I feel for those of you who have dealt with this for a long time. Can anyone give me any advice on what I can do , with it being such a recent thing is it possible to quash it and reject the thoughts as the **** that they are, or should I fear the worst and worry that I've opened up a massive can of worms. Any help would be massively appreciated.. desperado over here.

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You certainly should not fear the worst. You can't know what the future holds but generally speaking, OCD gets worse over time unless treated. You've made moves now to start getting help, so that's a good thing.

Take your meds. Consistently. Don't go missing pill time here and there and taking your meds sporadically. That's going to cause problems that you don't need. Know that meds can sometimes make things worse for the first while, so be aware of that and ready for it.

Hopefully you get into see a therapist soon and you can start working on overcoming your disorder.

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Thank you so much for your words. It felt so unnatural taking another pill seen as though the first one seemed to kick everything off. I'm still getting over the shock of it all because like I said it's happened all of a sudden and for the first time in a decade.

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Hi Davey,

From what you have written, it's not that the meds kicked it all off, but that you haven't been focusing on taking the correct dosage regularly. I'm on Citalopram & take them around 8am every weekday morning & usually a bit later on the weekend (I'm a sucker for a lie in). But I find they help to 'cement' my thoughts & stop my mood from going to high or low.

As for fearing the worst, OCD always makes things look worse than they are, but with the right attitude (a positive, determined one), some therapy & the correct medication taken properly, you can overcome it!

Regards,

Symps :original:

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Thanks for your words of support I really appreciate them. I didn't take any tablets for years then stupidly took sertraline for mild odd bits of anxiety and it's all started since then! I'm on my 6th day of taking mitrazipine hopefully these will help me undo my mistake, it just feels so desperate when this has just happened to me out of the blue. I know they key is to get out of my own head and not pay attention to horrible thoughts and question and worry about them. Yesterday I felt worn out so tired and confused and felt sick of going back and analysing and thinking I have to go back and go over what I was thinking about. I'm on nights tonight do you think it would matter if I took tonight's dose in the morning because I will end up falling asleep at work ?

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Thanks for your words of support I really appreciate them. I didn't take any tablets for years then stupidly took sertraline for mild odd bits of anxiety and it's all started since then! I'm on my 6th day of taking mitrazipine hopefully these will help me undo my mistake, it just feels so desperate when this has just happened to me out of the blue. I know they key is to get out of my own head and not pay attention to horrible thoughts and question and worry about them. Yesterday I felt worn out so tired and confused and felt sick of going back and analysing and thinking I have to go back and go over what I was thinking about. I'm on nights tonight do you think it would matter if I took tonight's dose in the morning because I will end up falling asleep at work ?

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